Have you ever not been to a wedding because it's too expensive?

[Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline]

I've heard people complain about the cost of going to a wedding but I think most people suck it up and go.

Dh's relative is getting married 5 hours drive away. we have been invited to the church and the evening do. If it was local we would have gone but the petrol money and the cost of doing something in between the service and the evening do was just too much. Plus 10 hours driving in one day because we can't afford a hotel. We've got 2 dc at uni so we are already spending more time than we would like driving up and down various motorways.

I was fine with not going and I don't really think about the wedding but my inlaws have been round today and they just keep going on and on about the wedding. Some of dh's other relatives are the same. They keep talking about what they are wearing, what a nice young couple, where they are staying etc. They don't talk about anything else and it's really annoying. If we were at their house we would have just left but at our home it's harder and if we say no wedding talk please they will say we are jealous. I wouldn't mind if they just talked about it sometimes like normal people but they are telling random people about it, talking about it constantly and it's like it's a royal wedding or the only wedding they will ever go to.

I wouldn’t bother if you’ve not been invited for the whole day. Where do they expect you to go in between

No. I have never not been to a wedding because I couldn't afford to, but then if one did come up that I couldn't afford to go to - say a destination wedding - I would very likely not go.

I’ve never heard of anyone being invited to the ceremony but then not for dinner!! Are they having a dinner but only inviting certain people? It seems very strange!

No, but I have been to two weddings where only one of us (DH and I) could go. They were both in Europe and friends of mine. I was happy to go alone, the friends were fine with me coming alone, DH was happy to wave me off.

I don't understand split weddings - so, you watch them get married then piss off until 7pm or so? And it's 5 hours away. Piss off.

In your case @Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline I would not go. You can go to ceremony and then the night do, but not the middle bit?! As the pp said, what do they expect you to do in between? That could be 4-5 hours. Also, 10 hour round trip?

Nope.

DH and I have been to 2 lengthy weddings in the past 3 years, had to be there midday-ish, went on til 10-11pm. Long, tedious, drawn-out day, having to be smiley and polite and courteous with 100 people ... 95% who we didn't know. Both 50 and 70 mile round trips.

I will be making an excuse to not go to the next one like this, coz I CBA!

Yes, but it was an insanely elaborate five-day thing in India where a very rich university friend was getting married. They were covering accommodation, food etc, but even the flights and clothes would have killed us, as we were still postgrads.

Yes, it's close family to the dinner in the afternoon and then wider family to the disco in the evening. Everyone invited to the church. We've been given a list of suggested tourist attractions and restaurants to go to in between. We've done this for local weddings and it's been fine as we can go home in between but in a place 5 hours away it's awkward. Although I think most of the guests are staying in hotels so they will just go back there I think.

My nephew’s wedding recently cost us £500 for two rooms for two nights, the distance meant we couldn’t travel on the day, plus £200 to put the dogs into kennels, outfits were probably £200 and then there’s the gift which we only gave £100 due to the other costs. We went but I wish it was cheaper!

We aren't going. Although MIL was shocked because "they are such a nice couple". I'm sure they are. We only know one of them anyway and it just isn't worth it.

No but if we were invited this year I would say no to almost everyone due to funds. I work 6 hours a week (student) and DH is sick. We’re on our knees so frankly I don’t care if people are offended.., it’s the wedding or having money for food.

Equally, I wouldn’t mind others being excited about the wedding. It’s not like you wanted to go desperately or they’re showing off, they’re happy.

Personally I find this very rude. I didn’t do evening guests, it was all day or nothing.

This seems crazy to me but it’s maybe a regional thing. I’m in Northern Ireland and I think people here would think it was very cheeky to expect people to come to the ceremony then not invite them to the dinner. Would you be able to just go to the ceremony or the reception to save the hanging about in between?

We were invited to a wedding in India. There was the cost, but the main issue was that it was in term time too close to DD's GCSEs.

Yes. Short notice invitation, involving flights and hotels. Children not invited.
Made the decision DH would go alone. It still cost about £1k. It would lijely had been triple that if I had gine, maybe more Only got a small gift.

Afterwards, DHs friend said my lack of attendance was a massive insult. And never spoke to him again.

An invitation dropping on you is like getting a ransom demand…

I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't go into details other than too far and staying isn't an option. You will hear all the excitement but that is ok.

Yes. I'm on a very tight budget and couldn't stretch to it. I've also declined invitations to hen weekends and big birthday celebrations. I just say that I'm really sorry, but i can't make it, but hope they have a fabulous time, and am looking forward to seeing the photo's. AFAIK nobody has been offended by that.

Yes, in my early 20's I literally couldn't afford the train fare to 3 weddings I was invited to.

I’ve declined an overseas close relative, we had young kids and money was tight.

Many years ago a close friend from
University was getting married in Australia . My then husband and I were struggling financially and had 2 DC ( not invited) so we declined. She was furious and never spoke to me again .

Yep.

DH’s step brother (they were closer when young but out of touch now) made a shit show of his wedding.

5 hours drive away. Initially invited DH as an usher and us to the whole day (although no kids and they were younger then and would’ve been 2 nights away.)

So we said yes, however I would come a day later so only leaving DC one night.

Then demands of having to buy a very specific, designer suit (which DH would never wear again) and then actually changing it so we were ceremony then evening.

DH was very polite about it but said with young DC and the cost of the travel/hotel/suit it just wasn’t feasible.

Turns out the brides whole side of the family were at the whole thing, kids too.

I have, and I had one or two invitations to my own wedding declined because it would have been too expensive for them to travel to my home town at an awkward time of year. It happens. No drama necessary.

In general, I'd try to make it work for a wedding. However I have declined to go to weddings that were hours away due to nursing newborns being excluded - a side bonus was relief in not having to find the money to go, as it would have been a stretch.

It’s fine to say no. Especially since it’s really just the night do and you don’t really know them. TBH, I find weddings really tedious and after the last one vowed that I would only go to my childrens’ from now on. I really hope they only get married the once 😁

Many years ago I declined a friend's wedding the USA when I was a postgrad. I could just about have found the money, but it would have left things very precarious financially.

As a side note, I've been invited to a fair few where it's been ceremony + evening. I'll go if they're local, but not if I'd need to travel; if I'm not important enough to be there for the whole day, I don't feel the need to have an expensive weekend elsewhere.