Have you ever not been to a wedding because it's too expensive?

[Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline]

I've heard people complain about the cost of going to a wedding but I think most people suck it up and go.

Dh's relative is getting married 5 hours drive away. we have been invited to the church and the evening do. If it was local we would have gone but the petrol money and the cost of doing something in between the service and the evening do was just too much. Plus 10 hours driving in one day because we can't afford a hotel. We've got 2 dc at uni so we are already spending more time than we would like driving up and down various motorways.

I was fine with not going and I don't really think about the wedding but my inlaws have been round today and they just keep going on and on about the wedding. Some of dh's other relatives are the same. They keep talking about what they are wearing, what a nice young couple, where they are staying etc. They don't talk about anything else and it's really annoying. If we were at their house we would have just left but at our home it's harder and if we say no wedding talk please they will say we are jealous. I wouldn't mind if they just talked about it sometimes like normal people but they are telling random people about it, talking about it constantly and it's like it's a royal wedding or the only wedding they will ever go to.

I missed an ex students wedding because it was in Singapore. He was a great lad but it really was too much for a not a close relative or friend.

We missed one of DH cousins weddings we could afford it easily, would have been about £500 to attend but we didn’t like him enough.

You can not go, but you’re being awful huffy about other people discussing it, which is weird.

We didn’t go to a wedding in Dubai
Partly money, partly just couldn’t square it with my principles

No. It's so difficult when it's a good friend and you want to share in their special day. But goodness me so expensive. I have one coming up. 200 for hotel. Prob 100 for fares. 100 for gift. 80 for dress. 100 for meals.. So in excess of 500. I don't begrudge it but I do think about what else I could have done with that sum

An invite to a relative to the service and evening only is a duty invite and I wouldn't bother if I wasn't local. There are many weddings I haven't been to over the years and they are always family weddings where it's so inconvenient and far away that that I was clearly never going to go. It's not something to worry about.

I think of you invite people who live 5 hours’ away to just the evening reception, you’re only inviting them because you have to/out of duty/to be polite. They obviously don’t care whether or not you go, so it’s fine not to go.

I see this comment on mn a lot whereas in normal life in the uk it’s very normal. The only time I had an issue with it was a work colleague getting married at 1.30pm on a Sunday in the middle of nowhere. One immediate family went for the meal so 75 guests all came across the only open cafe in the area.it was tiny and standing room only. To be honest, the whole wedding was poorly organised, but we laughed and had a fun time still.

I love a family wedding so in the uk I’d find a way. We rarely all come together outside funerals so I do make a big effort for weddings. Cousin was getting married in Italy and we weren’t going to that one as it really was going to be thousands for 5 of us to go. Anyway, Covid happened so the wedding was cancelled and they got married at their home town in Australia - we watched via video link.

Or you have a really tight budget but really want to celebrate with wider family.

I am a normal person in the UK. I have been to 6 weddings in recent years and only 1 had evening only guests. Everyone else just invited everyone to the whole day but kept the numbers under 100.

What's the issue? Are they nagging you to go? If so, just keep repeating "We cannot afford it and that's that."

If, however, you're just bored with it as a topic of conversation, I think you have to suck it up a bit. A wedding is a big thing in a family. My mother became a basket case when my sister was getting married. She'd just shout out random things in the middle of a completely unrelated conversation and I was somehow expected to know/care that it was about The Wedding.

We were only invited to the church service of an aunt’s wedding, which we declined as it would have been a 6-hour round trip. It turned out two other relatives had received the same invite for service only and they live around a 12-hour return train journey away from the venue, while all other family had a full invite.

It transpired that there was an evening event which we were clearly not invited to. I posted on here at the time as I’d never heard of such an invite (church weddings are in theory open to the public too) and most said to ask for clarification but I didn’t have the gumption to ask. Aunt has cut all of us off for not attending.

I think this works both ways. If they can’t afford to invite you to the meal, then I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say you can’t afford to go to the wedding. Just send them a present

Fortunately me and DC came down with chicken pox for the family pantomime wedding that we really didn’t want to go to. It involved flights and an expensive stay in a place not geared up for small children (or anybody really - the meal was delayed several hours, I think it finally started at 10pm after an early afternoon ceremony).

Although, chicken pox as an adult is not something I’d recommend.

All the time. My family is spread out. I couldn’t possibly afford to travel to every wedding in the extended family, especially when I was a young adult and all my cousin’s were marrying. I try to go to the occasional wedding as a family reunion.

Then there are the friends having destination weddings. I’ve never attended one of these. I save my budget for people who keep the weddings local to themselves or their families. Since I have to choose sometimes, that seems the fairest way.

Yes, several times. I don't go to destination weddings.

Evening only is quite normal. Ceremony + evening but no wedding breakfast isn't, and is verging on cheeky fucker territory.

Perhaps she'd like to cover your travel expenses and a night in a hotel then?!

I wouldn't want someone to seriously stretch their budget to attend my wedding, it's not fair to ask that.

We said no to a family member's destination wedding. Just not within our budget. We would have loved to go, but it was completely out of the question for us. Our relatives didn't mind at all. It wasn't a destination wedding for them - they live there - but it was transatlantic for us.

I didnt go to my brothers wedding. It was in Australia and I was a single parent.

Some years back, some relatives became very upset when my late husband told them that he couldn't afford to travel to their destination wedding.

The couple had lived together for some years and then suddenly decided to get married. They had decided to combine a small wedding with a honeymoon/holiday in another continent.

If MIL wants you there, why hasn’t she offered to help financially? Seriously, what does she expect you to do if you can’t afford it?

I can only attend weddings if they are held in an accessible venue, with disabled parking and if there’s a local hotel with fully accessible rooms (walk in shower etc). Most couples don’t even think about disabled access for their guests, so they make it very easy for us to say no!

Yes, latterly my husband needed disabled access.

What we found was that even when disabled accommodation was available, an accessible venue wasn't completely accessible.

It's absolutely reasonable not to go. But you're entirely unreasonable; to be annoyed by the rest of the family talking about the wedding, to the point that you'd have walked out had you been able to

You've said that you're not bothered about going, so why does it annoy you to hear other people talk about it? I'd it was something you desperately wanted to go to, yes, it would be tactless of them. But that's not the case.

I invited some people to just the evening but they said they wanted to see me get married so l said they were welcome to come to the ceremony but our numbers for the meal were limited to 60 - they were all local so went home for dinner then came back. So kind of see how that could happen bit wouldn't dream of expecting someone to drive so far. Blow it out op!

That's sadly so often the case.