Have you ever not been to a wedding because it's too expensive?

[Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline]

I've heard people complain about the cost of going to a wedding but I think most people suck it up and go.

Dh's relative is getting married 5 hours drive away. we have been invited to the church and the evening do. If it was local we would have gone but the petrol money and the cost of doing something in between the service and the evening do was just too much. Plus 10 hours driving in one day because we can't afford a hotel. We've got 2 dc at uni so we are already spending more time than we would like driving up and down various motorways.

I was fine with not going and I don't really think about the wedding but my inlaws have been round today and they just keep going on and on about the wedding. Some of dh's other relatives are the same. They keep talking about what they are wearing, what a nice young couple, where they are staying etc. They don't talk about anything else and it's really annoying. If we were at their house we would have just left but at our home it's harder and if we say no wedding talk please they will say we are jealous. I wouldn't mind if they just talked about it sometimes like normal people but they are telling random people about it, talking about it constantly and it's like it's a royal wedding or the only wedding they will ever go to.

I had a cousin (with two kids) who was in a similar position after being deserted by her husband.

I told her that I understood, but that if she could get herself to the wedding I'd pay for the hotel accommodation for them. They were able to get lifts from her sisters, so that worked out well in the end.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I am also a normal person in the UK. I had evening only guests.

I have skipped a few weddings of relatives as they were abroad and I was not willing to spend so much on people I have not spoken to in years.

If you think it’s rude then you are either really wealthy or have no clue how much weddings cost. The bride and groom are saying they want you to be part of their celebration. Taking that as “rude” feels like a stretch to me.

Yep. One of the DH's friends got married in Greece. Since it was so far away we didn't go. Plus expensive. We already had children by this point...

I hope you’re no contact with your parents

That’s really odd about being sent away to do your own thing after the church bit!

If it wasn’t for that though I’d go and stay in a Travelodge. Why on earth would you even consider driving 5 hours after an evening do? If you leave your adult kids at home then it’s only 1 room do not that dear.

I have NEVER heard of this happening at a Scottish wedding! I’ve never had to go home after the ceremony and then having to go home, only to come back in the evening!

Imagine being such a tight arse that you expect your guests to entertain themselves whilst you pay for just a small number to have a sit down meal…bizarre.

If someone is invited to the ceremony they should be invited to the meal.

Edited to add: The sheer cost of a new dress, travel, activities on the day…then they won’t stump up for a meal for you. They can’t afford the wedding they want so they should have a smaller wedding that they can afford

I was born in Dublin, and lived opposite a church. Us kids made a fortune every Saturday when the Best Man or Dad of the bride threw the "Grushie". The scrabble for the coins was hilarious amongst the kids. A great tradition that doesn't happen too much now apart from certain bits of the old inner city. Good to see it still happening in Scotland, us Celts have a lot in common all the same!

Based on what you have said I would have gone but we aren’t as price sensitive. I’d have found a cheap hotel or pub with rooms . I think it’s bit sour grapes complaining that the family are excited by the wedding

Yes. We don't go abroad for weddings. Too expensive.

But also on the subject of costs you do not need a new outfit, just rewear something you have already and if you are travelling do not feel obliged to give a gift

Yes.
My cousin's (we're close, though, more like sisters) daughter got married a few years ago. The wedding was over 100 miles away from where l live, so l'd have had to take time off work, travel, stay in a hotel, buy a present/new outfit, etc.
I just couldn't afford it. I gave them a decent (I was told it was very generous) cash present, which was still less than a quarter of what it would have cost me to attend.
Her brother's getting married next year and l've told them, politely, that l won't be attending. For the same reasons (l'm retired now though) and that l'd much rather give them a decent present than stress and spend more than l can afford to go.

Yes, dh’s cousin’s 4 day wedding extravaganza in a remote part of Tuscany during half term. The flights alone were £££. Then it would have involved car hire and a 2 hour drive. Then renting a villa because none of us wanted to stay with the family in the main villa (there was a lot of drama leading up to this wedding and it was all very boozy and we had young dc at the time).

No guilt at all about declining. There was, as predicted, a lot of drama and I’m a little sad I missed it when it all kicked off, because the gossip was good. 🤣

Not sad about not spending thousands to attend though. No one cared we weren’t there.

Well they are both in a cemetry now. I know it was my mum, she liked to make grand gestures where my brother was concerned.

She died 10 years before my dad so I was able to have a relationship with him in my terms.

I initially declined the invitation to my nephew's wedding. Long journey, cost of hotel etc. It was all local to them but not to me. When I told my brother why we declined he sorted transport and accommodation for us which was really really kind. I didn't realise my nephew liked me so much.

It's very rude to expect people to go to the service and the evening do, even if they were local.

I know. Can you imagine? Unbelievable. I read about it happening in the single venue, ie they all went there for the ceremony, then some people had to leave and come back in the evening!
If you can't afford to host a decent wedding, scale it down.

Not because of cost, because I couldn't be arsed.
Destination wedding?
Nah. Crack on.

Tell MIL they may be nice but they clearly can’t afford to host the wedding so why should you be out much more to attend what is essentially an evening party!

I didn't go to three family weddings which required a long haul flight. My relatives sulked but £10k for a family of 4 for a wedding in the other side of the world was ridiculous. At least they lived there, they weren't destination weddings.
And when I was young DH and I didn't go to a friend's wedding as we couldn't afford the train to get there. Friend never spoke to me again.

I wouldn't go OP. It's incredibly poor etiquette to invite guests to the church and then expect them to hang around until the evening reception because they are too stingy to feed everyone! It also adds more costs to your budget because you'll have to pay to feed yourself in this time. Many years ago, I received a simillar invite. However, I was placed on a reserve list for the meal and would get a spot if people dropped out,safe to say I declined!

Oh my god! You weren't good enough to make it, but you're on the reserve list! It gets better!
I'm guessing these kind of people still expect a gift...

I declined a wedding in Colombia Would love to go to Colombia, and in some ways it would have been a good opportunity to go, but it was an expensive year for me and DP, plus a difficult/not very good time to go there season-wise.
If I were you I think I'd go to the evening thing only, save the hanging around. Or is that considered rude? Mind you, I think it's rude and unhelpful to invite people to an early and a later thing but not the middle thing.