Have you ever not been to a wedding because it's too expensive?

[Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline]

I've heard people complain about the cost of going to a wedding but I think most people suck it up and go.

Dh's relative is getting married 5 hours drive away. we have been invited to the church and the evening do. If it was local we would have gone but the petrol money and the cost of doing something in between the service and the evening do was just too much. Plus 10 hours driving in one day because we can't afford a hotel. We've got 2 dc at uni so we are already spending more time than we would like driving up and down various motorways.

I was fine with not going and I don't really think about the wedding but my inlaws have been round today and they just keep going on and on about the wedding. Some of dh's other relatives are the same. They keep talking about what they are wearing, what a nice young couple, where they are staying etc. They don't talk about anything else and it's really annoying. If we were at their house we would have just left but at our home it's harder and if we say no wedding talk please they will say we are jealous. I wouldn't mind if they just talked about it sometimes like normal people but they are telling random people about it, talking about it constantly and it's like it's a royal wedding or the only wedding they will ever go to.

We have declined an overseas close relative wedding as we had very young children, the flight was eight hours, accommodation was expensive and it was an awkward time of year.

We have also declined a child free wedding of a not so close relative because it was a six hour journey (so twelve in total) and would have been very difficult to accommodate.

However, in neither of these cases were we made to feel uncomfortable about our decision.

I’ve never been invited to an evening do, it’s not a thing in either of the places I’ve lived. I definitely wouldn’t drive 5 hours for one!

I did miss a wedding due to it being 4000 miles away, only being told 5 months ahead and it happening at the most expensive time to travel (Christmas). It would have cost me the best part of $10k. I would have attended alone but it was 2 days after Christmas and I’d have had to miss Christmas with my kids because there were no flights Christmas night and Boxing day would have got me there too late. The family member was a bit disappointed and I was very disappointed as it was a black tie wedding in a castle! I’d have loved it!

yes and no.

Brother in law is currently about to marry for the third time ( He's just turned 41) They wedding is overseas and for myself dh and 3 dc to attend it would cost 3k which doesn't include loss of earnings.
Dh will likely still go tho

Yes, even when I was asked to the the witness. It was in the Caribbean, and I would have been paying for it while on mat leave not earning my full salary.

You’ve made the right decision. Inviting guests not to the full day when they live 5 hours away is a dick move. We also invited every guest to the full day.

It's quite normal for traditional wedding which take place in the bride's home town for there to be local evening guests. When we got married 26 years ago they were people like my parents' neighbours and work colleagues. When my parents got married in the 60s it was friends of the bride and groom who were just invited to the evening. To invite family who live 5 hours away just to the evening is rude. Don't feel bad about ot going and don't send a present.

Whether you go to the wedding or not is NBD but of course people want to talk about it. This is why people spend a lot on getting married, because it’s a big deal. I hope I have other topics of conversation but I can and do talk weddings as much as the person I’m talking to wants.

Declined going to a wedding back home as was only sent a invite three months in advance. I visit twice a year and if I had more time I would have moved a planned visit to coincide with the wedding, but it was in the middle of both visits and I wasn't going to pay for a long haul flight, take unpaid leave and take on all the additional wedding costs for a short visit. It was a shame because it would have been nice to see everyone in one place.

Yes, about 3 times.
Once a friend invited me to her wedding in South Devon. I was working in Switzerland. The logistics were almost impossible. Also expensive for just a few hours.
Ditto a friend getting married in Oxford in the days before the internet and travel from Europe made organising a weekend challenging.
Third time was a relative. This time it was a cost issue, total would have been aound €5k for what was essentially a party in the middle of nowhere, as they were doing the wedding bit a few days beforehand.
Luckily I am old enough not to suffer from FOMO, so not a big deal.

I/We get invited to lots of weddings in Italy (we live in the UK but I have lots of cousins).

We hardly ever manage to go due to cost of flights/needing to take AL/feeling bad leaving DH to do all the DC logistics if I go by myself etc.

5hrs and not invited for a meal. No way

No it’s rude everywhere, especially if you are travelling. If you were at home and they said you could pop down to the church etc, but even then it requires you to dress up and then go home? Very odd behaviour.

My friend got married in NZ, we never discussed me coming. A week before she decides I should come, I could come ‘for the night’ to save money. When I pointed out I was heavily pregnant she told me I could hide it and sneak on the plane so no one noticed. Some further bonkers behaviour means I’ve never actually seen her again.

Exactly this.

In my experience they are weddings with more than 100 guests and evening guests are work colleagues and local friends.

I declined going to a wedding which was in rural Ireland and involved complicated travel, and I didn't really get on well with the couple! The other friends in our friendship group wanted to do some middle of the night travel to get back home for Sunday morning and I didn't fancy trying to hire a car on my own overseas. I conveniently found myself on a family holiday that weekend!

Yes I didn't go to a wedding because I couldn't afford it. People forget not everyone's in the position to absorb travel costs gift outfits babysitters pet sitter etc. I have children with additional needs nothing for us is easy or simple.we

When I got married in the 90s it was common knowledge that about 1/3 of the people you invited wouldn't be able to come, I don't know why people now fall out with people for declining a wedding invitation. It's completely normal that some guests can't attend a wedding so don't feel guilty about it.

I'd be highly insulted to be expected to trek all that way for a ceremony, then hang around like a lemon for hours before a flipping disco! No I would politely decline, not due to financial constraints necessarily but I just wouldn't bother. I decline all wedding invites nowadays anyway, unless it's immediate family. Far too much faff for a plate of food and a natter, often with people you don't know all that well depending on the table assigned!

I always send a card, best wishes and a decent gift when declining though. No hard feelings, I just can't be bothered anymore.

Decline OP. Spend your money on yourself/family instead.

sadly I have had to turn down two wedding invitations including one abroad which was understandable but a shame.
if you havent got the money you havent got it!

i dont blame you at all in the scenario

we went to an evening do, and the church once but i do wonder why we bothered to go to the church since we werent invited for the afternoon.
we were naive

I think it’s normal in England, it’s 100% not a thing in Scotland. People would think you were mental if you told people they could fuck off for the afternoon while you fed the important guests. It’s so rude!

It's interesting what some see as 'normal' and others don't. Personally I don't think it's purely down to geography but more the circles you move in!
Surely this You can not go, but you’re being awful huffy about other people discussing it, which is weird is the issue here. Let them talk, you weren't that bothered about going and the couple weren't that bothered about you being there.

Evening invites for local guests are definitely a thing in Scotland but there's always a crowd of well wishers who aren't invited at all outside the kirk (and coins are thrown for kids). If you're invited to the evening do you might go to see them after the service then get dressed up later for the evening do.

I missed my cousin's wedding because I was on the bones of my arse trying to live on benefits.

My brother and his wife and family went, as did my parents. They all stayed over.

In the morning my mother paid the bill for my brother and his family.

I’ve missed a couple of abroad weddings due to cost. Lovely friends/ relatives but just not feasible.

Generally we only get invited to the weddings of people we really like, so try our best to come if feasible. If not there’s never been any push back or guilting which seems common on MN

Yes, we had some people who came along to the church wedding though we'd only issued them evening invitations.

We were only allowed 80 at the venue, so friends from work were given evening invitations.