Feeling solely responsible for keeping family life enjoyable

[MistyCats]

I’m finding it increasing hard to keep life fun. A few years ago I felt like we did loads all the time as a family and sprinkled in little added extras to keep things fun. I’m not talking extravagance but just little things that break up, quite frankly, the monotony. A day out in a new place, a walk somewhere new, a picnic, slightly more special dinners on a weekend, a bike ride, a drive somewhere. A nice dessert ffs.

DC are early teens so not easy to find things they’ll willingly do. DH never contributes to ideas and actually it always has been on me. I guess perimenopause isn’t helping but I feel drained at trying to make life less boring. Since last year I stopped driving all the ideas and we’ve literally done nothing other than routine stuff.

I seem to be the only bothered by it but if I don’t suggest anything then no one does anything and we all sit on separate screens which is just depressing.

So I’m quite resentful to be the only one doing something about it, but refuse to let us sink deeper into this boring rut.

I have an idea for today. If I don’t suggest it then literally nothing will happen. If I do suggest it the whole orchestrating is on me, met with teen eye rolling and neutrality / passivity from DH.

I could just go alone. I could lean on friends more but I fear that will just widen the gap and actually end up being quite a lonely state.

It feels like such a half life.

Anyone been in a similar situation and managed to resolve it?

It’s a lovely trait to have, to think about others enjoyment, my Grandmother did this, you clearly do too, not everyone has that mindset.

However with teens it’s harder. Basics such as a cinema date, shopping etc is about all you will get unless they have hobbies. Road trips can work, be interested in their music and games. I do gigs with mine.

You really don’t have to put up with it, but you also can’t make him want the type of relationship you want. He is happy to coast along, you understandably want more. Don’t beg for more than he wants to give, and don’t try and force him to step up. The issue is he doesn’t value you or your time together. Now you know and you can make an informed decision.