Disabled ma/ grandma overwhelmed by hosting Christmas for 14 and unsure what to do without causing bad feeling

[Mollymoppett]

I’m a mum and grandma, I find Christmas overwhelming, no idea what to get kids, son is always too busy to discuss. There are now 14 of us Christmas Day and I just don’t want to do it anymore, weeks to prepare and days to clean up. I’m disabled and have always struggled but as I’m getting older things are getting more difficult. No one else can host for various reasons, some want to go out but at £150 a head, wow ! Plus I cant eat normally ( thanks to chronic gut problems) so that seems a waste, plus some of the group refuse to pay that. I know what will happen - no one will make a decision then a few weeks before il end up offering and wear myself out again,
how do you all deal with the Christmas dynamics, how would the younger mums feel if families did their own things just for the lunch and then meet up after ( my son thinks is an abhorrent idea, splitting family apart etc).
I just don’t know. My DH says we should just go away but I don’t want to do that either ( pets to consider, health is dodgy and I like to be at home for Christmas ).

I wish people would stop suggesting that OP asks everyone to bring a dish or do the washing up!
Completely missing the bloody point SHE DOESNT WANT TO HOST

No having to spend days getting the house clean & tidy beforehand
No having to mop & hoover the next day
No having to clean the oven
No having to clean the bathrooms that have been used by 14 people

Its not just about who buys & cooks the food

@IndieRocknRoll if her family all live locally and it's just that she has the biggest space then they can come over and tidy up etc before hand.
She doesn't have to "host" - just provide the space.
(Obviously if she would be happy with that).

No having to spend days getting the house clean & tidy beforehand
No having to mop & hoover the next day
No having to clean the oven
No having to clean the bathrooms that have been used by 14 people

And just being able to enjoy a quiet and peaceful day
not having the noise of all those extra people, including however many over-excited children rampaging around her house
being able to go off and have a nap when she feels like it, or just a lie down with a book and whatever she fancies, instead of having to wait for everyone to leave
or, if she goes to someone else's house, being able to leave when she's had enough.

Get a curry, split the cost.

Bloomin eck I host for 8 and that is more than enough tbh! Just tell them what you’ve said here you’re not doing it this year end of !

I hosted Christmas and then my AC could see that it was becoming too much for me with my physical problems and my OH's Parkinsons so decided that we should all go to.one of their houses ... the one with the biggest. There are between 10 and 13 of us each year.
We all chip in. I always make the Christmas cake and puddings. Host provides the turkey and veg, althoughI make a financial contribution to the turkey. One AC makes puddings and we all bring bottles.
So ... it is a shared endeavour.
And I have to say it is very remiss of your AC not to realise they cannot go in putting upon you. Mine just saw what was needed and got on with it. Not even helping clean up is very remiss indeed.
If they cannot see this for themselves you have no choice but to explain it to them. I am sorry they are putting you in this awkward situation.
Christmas is about kindness and family. They are not being very kind I am sorry to say.

@Mischance completely irrelevant to the thread.....but what does the abbreviation "AC" stand for??

Can you offer your house as the hosting base, but say everyone has to bring a dish that's already made so that you don't have to have any food stress?

You’ve got a DH who you didn’t mention until the end of your post! Does he lift a finger? Why not?

Regardless, I think you should have a quiet one with him.

If your son wants everyone together let him host it.

If your son is so disturbed by the family not being together, he can solve the problem and host and do all the work.

Just be honest, OP. You're disabled and it's too much for you. If they expect you to keep going in those circumstances, they are unreasonable.

If the issue with having a lunch out is the cost, can it be done in place of gifts, or everyone brings a gift worth a fiver to the lunch for a random exchange? Or just buys something small for kids?

It might be hard but you have to stick to your word and not host. They'll sort something else out if it really bothers them. Or it's time for a change in how Christmas is done and families will just celebrate together in their own homes. Nothing wrong with that.

You need to say in plenty of time that you can't host 14 people because of your health. Say it now. It's not true that everyone assuming that you'll host means you have to do it. There are other solutions, including have several groups at different houses rather than everyone spending the whole day together.

Adult children.

Oh !
I could not figure that out at all 😂

This!

we used to congregate at a grandparents house but my dads cousins would each bring a dish and my mum and the other wives would cook. So my granny technically hosted but didn’t have the hassle. If there are 14 you could even split the meal down between 12 and ask the other 2 to pay for a deep clean a few weeks before to help you keep on top of the house work.