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Original poster

It's a wedding moan!

87 replies

DumpedByText · 20/08/2026 01:39

I met my oldest friend for dinner tonight, we've been friends since we were in primary school. Our mums were friends until mine passed away.

We keep in touch by text and see each other when we can.

Her daughter is getting married next year, big posh do in at a lovely venue.

Tonight she told me I didn't make the day invite list, but I can go to the evening. The venue is not local, I'll need to stay the night and I know it won't be a plus one invite, so I'll be on my own.

I'm so hurt, I've finally realised I don't really mean anything to them. I've always been a better friend to her than she has to me. It's always me that intiates contact, suggests plans etc

I know they can invite who they like, and weddings are expensive, but this stings!

So, would you suck it up and go or decline and I'm thinking of booking a holiday that week!

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 20/08/2026 01:45

You are her friend, not her daughters.

Jaimelefromage · 20/08/2026 01:54

I think you’re overreacting. As the poster above says, you’re a friend of the bride’s mum, not a friend of the bride. Weddings are expensive; we couldn’t afford to invite our parents’ friends to our wedding either. Would you really want them to spend more than they can afford on their wedding in order to invite you?

Boreded · 20/08/2026 01:57

Why do we have so many threads from people who feel like they’re entitled to a wedding invite. You aren’t family, you are a friend of the MOB…at my wedding I only had 10 friends (mine and husbands combined) out of 100 guests…parents friends did not make the list.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Icecreamisthebest · 20/08/2026 02:03

I'd decline simply because I would not stay overnight somewhere just for an evening do.

But I also would not be really hurt and think that you mean nothing to your friend. You were still invited to part of the day, weddings are expensive (plus it may be the couple who are paying for it, not your friend) and you haven't said anything about your relationship with her daughter so we can only assume that you are not close with her.

It would be a real shame to end the friendship over this. I understand your point about being the one who initiates everything. To me, that is a separate issue and you can address it separately by raising it or by giving her space to make the next lot of plans.

Reframe it as that its lovely to be thought of at all and that you just don't have the relationship with the happy couple to be invited to the whole day.

Ponderingwindow · 20/08/2026 02:20

Your friend doesn’t control the guest list. This is her daughter’s wedding, not your friend’s event.

we did not invite any of our parent’s friends to our wedding.

Allswellthatendswelll · 20/08/2026 02:23

It's her daughters wedding not hers. My mother in law tried to muscle in and guilt trip us into inviting lots of her friends to our wedding and it really annoyed me! If you've got an evening invite it's probably a concession her daughter has made. There's no need to go if you don't want to.

Geronimode · 20/08/2026 02:40

I have to agree - it’s the daughter and partner’s wedding. Their friends, their key family. For a friend of MOB you must be pretty special to be invited to the party.

Don’t go if it’s a pain, but please don’t feel hurt.

When we planned our wedding even with both of us only having extended family on one side, we were still panicking about how to get the guest list down to 100 and still felt like we were letting so many people down.
We actually didn’t bother with a big do in the end because of this - but 10 years ago feeding 100 people the cheapest option for a meal was going to cost us 5k - so once you’d got essential family, and wedding party then our closest friends we still felt like we’d were snubbing so many people we love.

It isn’t your friends wedding - any allocation of friends to parents of couple is small and you’ve made that list. You are loved and important to the MOB.

Forgotmywatchandiwaslostallday · 20/08/2026 02:48

I think both things can be true.

you may be a better friend to MOB than she is to you, but the bride (and by default your friend) has done nothing wrong by not inviting you to the day event of her wedding. Genuinely, where do you draw the line? Between immediate family of bride and groom, extended family of bride and groom, close friends of the bride and groom - the guest list is probably already over 100 (at least in my wedding it was). Then you have colleagues, (less close) friends and relatives - parents and in-laws friends should not be a priority when numbers are tight.

Be thankful and gracious that they thought enough of you to invite you to any part of the day and remember that it is an invite, not a summons. If it doesn’t work for you then politely decline.

likeitshard · 20/08/2026 04:36

Did you go to your friends wedding?

I have a friend who has been my closest friend since we were toddlers and our mums were best friends. When our kids were young we would spend a lot of time together and she is godmother to my youngest. As we got older and live further away we tend to message/ call and see each other a few times a year. My kids have probably seen her 4/5 times in last 10 years. And I have seen her kids maybe 4 times.
Eldest dd was talking about when she gets married recently she said she probably wouldn’t invite oldest friend as she doesn’t really know her. I was initially surprised but realised my relationship with my friend isn’t her relationship with my friend.

When I got married my mums best friend (friends mum) came. And mil had her 2 closest friends there, one of whom is dhs godmother. But that was our decision to include them.

It’s not your friends wedding it’s her daughters and the likelihood is she has many family and her own friends that she wants there so she’s had to make choices about who can attend. It bears no relation to your relationship with your friend.

Softcream · 20/08/2026 04:41

When DH and I got married we invited some of our parents' friends to the day, but we had quite a big wedding (130 guests). If we'd had to cut down the guest list they'd have been the first to go!

Shoxfordian · 20/08/2026 04:48

Do you have a relationship with her daughter seperate to her? If not then it's fair enough you're not invited to the whole day and you can decline the evening invite if its too much of a nuisance

hellospring26 · 20/08/2026 05:05

Totally understandable, you are the mums friend, not the daughters.

Rufusisturnedon · 20/08/2026 05:06

Pieceofpurplesky · 20/08/2026 01:45

You are her friend, not her daughters.

This

Malasana · 20/08/2026 05:09

I don’t think you should question the friendship. It’s not her wedding, it’s her daughter’s. I didn’t invite any of my mum’s friends to mine because they weren’t my friends.
I understand you feel hurt but I don’t think it’s something to spoil your friendship over.

Epoisses · 20/08/2026 05:42

So weird to have parents' friends at a wedding.

the80sweregreat · 20/08/2026 05:46

Just decline politely if you don’t want to go along.

FieryA · 20/08/2026 05:52

Epoisses · 20/08/2026 05:42

So weird to have parents' friends at a wedding.

Not necessarily. Depending on the community and culture, parents' close friends are often invited to children's weddings, more so if the parents know the child. I have been to many weddings with my mom, who is the friend of the bride or groom's parent.

SuddenlyBecoming · 20/08/2026 05:59

I know it's not the point of the thread but I always find it amazing how many people want to go to weddings! Personally unless I know a lot of people at a wedding I wouldn't go.

It's a long day to be around the majority of people being strangers. Your friend will be mother of the bride very busy and in demand. How many other people do you know? You will end up most of rh day awkwardly invading others space until the wedding breakfast where you might have a chance to chat to some fun people. Then the dancing speeches, photos.

Weddings are brilliant if you know a lot of people but on your own knowing no one - Why would you want to go!

Raptors · 20/08/2026 06:06

You think you don't mean anything to someone you've known for decades because her adult daughter isn't going to invite you to her wedding? That's quite an overreaction.

Presumably your friend will be quite busy on the day celebrating her daughter and you admit to the fact you'd be alone so it seems odd you'd want to attend the wedding in the first place. Weddings are pretty boring to be honest I wouldn't even have expected an evening invitation in these circumstances.

ZenNudist · 20/08/2026 06:13

Is your friend paying towards the wedding? If not then, no it's not surprising you aren't invited. It's not unusual for very good friends of parents to be invited to a wedding but also not mandatory!

Decline as distance evening do without your dh would be no fun.

CarrieOakie · 20/08/2026 06:14

I’d decline the invitation, nothing happens at evening parts of weddings. There is possibly a late cake cutting and you walk in on a party in full swing. Then you have a drink sit around. If you don’t know anyone it’s unlikely you’ll chat to anyone. Then leave to go to bed

Id certainly not go, text back you hope the family have a glorious day but you won’t be able to attend. No need to give a reason until she contacts you and you meet up

Theraffarian · 20/08/2026 06:19

I would decline as I wouldn't enjoy the evening by myself. That said I wouldn't expect to be invited in the first place . Our adult children have so many of their own friends and family to invite , it's expensive, friends of their parents however long they have known them just don't take precedent over their own friends

WhatNoRaisins · 20/08/2026 06:28

On the one hand I think evening only invitations to guests that aren't local are cheeky. On the other hand it doesn't sound like you're a close friend of the couple and I get why they'd prioritise their friends over their parents friends.

This invitation was probably a token gesture. I'd decline, the travel sounds a lot of bother and it doesn't sound like you'd know many people there.

CheeseAndSaladCreamSandwich · 20/08/2026 06:30

Im saying this as kindly as I possibly can....

You're being ridiculous.

Your relationship is with your friend, not her daughter. And gone are the days of parents being in the driving seat of organising and inviting people.

Bogstandardname · 20/08/2026 06:36

Don't be upset. You are not the bride's best friend. I would not go on my own but would politely decline and give a wedding gift.

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