It's a wedding moan!

[DumpedByText]

I met my oldest friend for dinner tonight, we've been friends since we were in primary school. Our mums were friends until mine passed away.

We keep in touch by text and see each other when we can.

Her daughter is getting married next year, big posh do in at a lovely venue.

Tonight she told me I didn't make the day invite list, but I can go to the evening. The venue is not local, I'll need to stay the night and I know it won't be a plus one invite, so I'll be on my own.

I'm so hurt, I've finally realised I don't really mean anything to them. I've always been a better friend to her than she has to me. It's always me that intiates contact, suggests plans etc

I know they can invite who they like, and weddings are expensive, but this stings!

So, would you suck it up and go or decline and I'm thinking of booking a holiday that week!

Sound advice here.

Yes, this.

Please don’t be offended and fall out with your friend.Parents rarely have control over the guest list (unless paying for the full lot) I’ve known some parents be oblivious to who was even invited.Realistically there just has to be a cut off point and somebody always ends up being upset.Prices are ridiculous the more guests you have the more you enter silly money territory.Top of the list will be the Brides friends it’s understandable for her to want her people.

It’s your friends daughter. How much contact do you have with the daughter? Unless you still know her very well and are in her life then I think an evening invitation is appropriate.

My friend's dd (who I'd known since the dd was a baby) got married a couple of years ago and I wouldn't have expected an invitation at all. We were pleased and surprised when were invited to the evening reception.

People don't have to invite their mum's friend to their wedding. Be happy that you have been remembered at all.

Surely the guest list will have been up to the daughter so why have the issue with your friend?

Surely you can also see that the daughter will have prioritised her own friends for day invites. You also have no idea of numbers.

Parents friends making up most of the guest list is a very outdated and old fashioned idea - this doesn’t really happen any longer.

If we invited all our parents friends, we'd have no room for anyone else!

You were lucky to get the evening invite tbh.

I don’t think it’s typical anymore to invite your parents’ friends. Unless you are from a culture where everyone in the town gets an invite (say, Irish or Hindu).

I invited three of my mum’s friends, but largely because all of my side had to travel from abroad (I grew up outside the UK) and I wanted them to all be able to be together while Dh and I were busy that week. I have no other living biological family. So my guests were my mum and stepdad, her three friends, and my friends. If I had a bigger family and everyone was local, I probably wouldn’t have invited them. Dh didn’t invite any of his parents’ friends. He has a very large extended family.

I think it’s lovely you’ve been invited to the evening. Go if you want to, but it’s fine to decline if don’t want to go.

Parent’s friends aren’t usually top of the guest list.

My dd is getting married at an expensive venue and they have loads of friends of their own between them, plus family. I can’t imagine expecting them to invite our friends as well.
Years ago the bride’s parents used to pay for and host the wedding, so they’d send out the invites, but that’s not really the case these days.
If you’d like to go to the evening do I’m sure there will be people there that you know, but if you don’t that’s fine too.

I actually prefer the evening part of the wedding so I wouldn't be offended. I love food and cake so I would go but not if it requires and overnight stay or a long drive.

I don't agree with any of the previous posts. I can see why you are disappointed. At our wedding, we offered my in-laws the opportunity to invite some of their friends. It ended up being a whole table's worth (around 4 couples), but we were happy to do this as that's what weddings are about. And before anyone asks, they are are White English. Nothing to do with culture or religion, but more about relationships etc. I'd never met any of these couples before and haven't since (got married years ago), but my in-laws still see them. From a practical viewpoint, I probably wouldn't go to the daughter's wedding, and if there are other issues in the friendship, would probably cool it down, too. It's often major life events that make us see things in a whole new light.

It’s great that you had the money in your wedding budget to be able to do that.

You are a friend of the bride’s mother not the bride so I’m not surprised you didn’t get an invite to the day , please don’t overthink it and certainly it’s not worth Losing a friendship over. You don’t have to go to the evening just send a gracious decline to the invite wishing the couple well. it doesn’t need the headspace you are giving it.

Agree I have been invited to all day wedding of friends daughter, which I didn't expect but it was her daughter's decision to hy us there. So think you are right

But it’s not your friend getting married, it’s her daughter. And it’s her daughter who gets to choose the guests at HER wedding. Why would she want you there?

I'm one of those who would be absolutely relieved at not getting an invite!

Now I know we are all different and some love weddings and all that but still, the hassle of most of them is becoming a bit of a challenge both logistically and financially, and god help you if you have young kids and the wedding is kid free.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say @DumpedByText is don't take it personally. I think it was very good of your friend to tell you face to face and it's not her invitation to give anyway.

Be gracious and either go to the evening do, or (my preference) decline with regret, send a decent present and a card, then take yourself off somewhere nice for the day and spend the money you would have spent on the wedding, on yourself!

Be like me, relieved you don't have to go. It's nothing personal from your friend, remember that, it's her daughter and her fiance's guest list, not the MOB's.

This happened to me but I didn’t even make the evening do list!
I wasn’t bothered until I discovered a newer friend of hers and her husband were invited to the whole day but couldn’t make it.
Friend came bleating to me about how upset she was that this friend couldn’t change her plans to attend.
It was at this point that I realised I’d been used for the past 27+ years.
Haven’t had any contact with her for the last four years, resisted her attempts to reconnect and generally been ‘unavailable’ it’s so freeing , totally recommend it!

I think things are different now than when we were younger. Weddings are so expensive that family friends are less likely to be invited. If her daughter and fiance are paying all or some of it then they won't feel obliged to invite her parents' friends. Don't take it personally and either go if you want to or politely decline the invitation.

At my wedding we had limited numbers so therefore we prioritised friends of ours over my parents friends. Some were invited but they were people who i still saw as well as my parents there would have been good friends of my mothers i would have seen a lot of as a child but never saw when i was older. Plus some i didnt like :) We were together a very long time before got married and we wanted our wedding to be what we wanted
You dont say if you see the daughter at all.
My own mother fell out with two of her oldest friends over the years over their childrens weddings and i think its very unfair and she is bitter about it still. Please do not be like her
Yes you have every right to feel hurt that is just natural, but dont fall out over it. Decide what you want to do - go or not - if dont go give a small gift and wish them well

I wouldn't expect an invite at all as a friend of the bride's mum. An evening invitation is frankly generous.

You haven't said if you're close to the bride? You expect to mean something to the woman, but if you're just a mate of her mother, why would you expect a wedding invitation?
At a cost of likely bare minimum £100 per guest, couples should absolutely only include beloved, close people.

I'd love to never be invited to a wedding ever again.

This

It's not that we had money in our budget to do that, but we chose to have a style of wedding where we could do that. For example, registry office, temple and a dressed up community centre. We didn't have crazy stag or hen dos either, so saved from that perspective. I guess it's up to individual priorities. I'm just saying that it's not strange to extend invitations out to others (my sister's boss was also invited as he was also a friend of hers, for example) and I can see why the OP might be upset about this.

And that’s great, if that’s the type of wedding you choose.
For me, my wedding was a very personal thing and we just wanted to celebrate with our close family and friends. Having random friends of our parents, or a siblings boss there would have changed the whole vibe of it. We preferred a smaller guest list but spent a lot on the food and drinks, and also paid for all of our guests to stay overnight if they wanted to, to make things easier for them. Our wedding, our money, our choice.

I wouldn’t consider op to be a random friend though, but as close as any aunty. She’s been in daughters life that long and seen her grow up since being a baby, and has had a close relationship with the family.