It's a wedding moan!

[DumpedByText]

I met my oldest friend for dinner tonight, we've been friends since we were in primary school. Our mums were friends until mine passed away.

We keep in touch by text and see each other when we can.

Her daughter is getting married next year, big posh do in at a lovely venue.

Tonight she told me I didn't make the day invite list, but I can go to the evening. The venue is not local, I'll need to stay the night and I know it won't be a plus one invite, so I'll be on my own.

I'm so hurt, I've finally realised I don't really mean anything to them. I've always been a better friend to her than she has to me. It's always me that intiates contact, suggests plans etc

I know they can invite who they like, and weddings are expensive, but this stings!

So, would you suck it up and go or decline and I'm thinking of booking a holiday that week!

Posh venue will be expensive. You are not the brides pal

Is it a large wedding? When did you last see & chat with the bride to be? I’d not be offended, it’s not a big deal!

And this is why people elope! Because friends of relatives want to come to their wedding!!!

My MiL had a good friend she wanted us to invite to our wedding in the 90s - she loved this friend and she was a big fixture in their life when DH and his siblings were growing up. Obviously MiL found her great and when I asked said she thought she'd always been lovely to the children - but my DH absolutely hated her and his siblings didn't have favourable opinions either. We did not invite her and it was nothing to do with what my MiL thought of her. She would have loved her to come and put a fair bit of pressure on us.

If there are other things then maybe pulling away is a sensible choice, but doing it over not getting invited to her DD's wedding makes it sound like you're hard work and may have unreasonable expectations. Parents of the Bride and Groom rarely get to invite friends nowadays and haven't done for the most part for 30+ years, it's not your friend's wedding and her daughter and fiancé are probably having to cut people they're actually friends with as it as, so expecting them to cut someone else to invite you, who they aren't friends with, is pretty mean of you.

I had my mum’s best friend at my first wedding but a. We saw a lot of them growing including multiple holidays and b. My parents paid for everything (home garden, not posh!) I’d not expect my dc to invite my friends although dd1 did because she wanted to, and she invited her over her paternal grandmother (not my problem, I’m divorced!)

I have a group of very close friends since we were 15/16 and we are now in our sixties.

None of us has been invited by each other’s DC to their wedding, aside from godparents.

I have never given it a second thought.

Not always. Sometimes you can be closer to your Mum's best friend than an Aunt you don't see often.

I can understand you feeling hurt. From what you said, it may partly be the way she told you - it sounds dismissive but the wording you used may be all yours and not hers.

It isn’t particularly thoughtful to give you an invite where you’ll be going by yourself (if you don’t get a plus 1) to a nighttime event in a place you’ll have to stay over at. It’s not a situation I’d put people I care about in, especially a single woman.

I’d not go. It’s not practical.

The first one of my friends children has just got married. We didn’t make the list. It was a shame but as my friend saud it was up to her DD and the groom. We invited all relatives and lots of friends to ours. The only friends of parents invited were DH Mums but they were his Godparents. They bought us a set of dining chairs, the most expensive gift.

A friends evening do o my feels worse but I think evening do for a parents friends sounds ok. I would have gone.

You are being ridiculous. I wouldn’t expect an invite to any friend’s child’s wedding u less they had no family or friends

How silly, to expect your friend's daughter to prioritise you above one of her own friends.

It's an invitation not a summons. If you don't want to go don't go. You aren't unreasonable to be uninterested in going to the evening do. But as to your long-term friendship this decision is neither here nor there - if it makes your life more enjoyable to have the friendship, even if it's a bit unequal, then it would be silly to drop it. If it's a drain on your energies with little net-positives for you then you are under no obligation.

i can see why you’re upset. . Your second generation family friends, been there throughout daughters life, a constant in their lives etc. Maybe the Wedding Breakfast is a small, family-only affair, and in that case I can see why. However, it doesn’t sound like that.

Why on earth would you expect an invite to your friends daughters wedding? You’re being ridiculous

fine to decline, but I would have thought a ceremony/evening invite is appropriate for a close friend of the mother of the bride.

Yep I agree. I'm close to my best friend's children (now both young adults), I've known then since they were born, they describe me as like an aunt to them, and I have a relationship with them separate to my friendship with their mum. I'm actually surprised that this seems rare on MN - I regularly see mention of how people barely even know their close friends' children.

If the OP is like an aunt to the bride then I can understand the disappointment, but if she doesn't really know her an evening invite seems appropriate.

Weddings are too expensive these days to be inviting friends of your parents. They have to draw the line somewhere so I think you're being unreasonable to be upset about that.

If you feel you're the one making all the effort then step back a bit. Even some childhood friendships don't last forever, especially if you don't live near and as your respective lives evolve.

This is so unreasonable, it’s not your friend’s wedding and she has no say on the guest list. I’m sure her daughter likes you but she has her own friends and her own life. Don’t go if you don’t want

But it’s not her wedding? It’s her daughters and she can invite who she chooses.

In your situation, I’d politely decline and forget all about it. I wouldn’t be reevaluating a friendship based on their child’s choice of wedding invite.

As people have said it’s the B&G wedding. I’d personally decline the invite if it’s going to be difficult

Why woukd you be going to her daughter’s wedding? Weird.

Op I only my made the evening do invite to one of my best uni friends, that was really hurtful as we had lived together speak I considered her to be a really close friend. (Her husband didn’t like our friendship)

What you have is far removed, this is the daughters wedding she will be putting her friends first and in your situation I’d go enjoy it and accept the invite.

You are overreacting. It is her daughter's wedding, not hers. You have not said you are close to the daughter. I wouldn't expect a full day invite. Just decline the evening and make other plans.

Are you for real? This is not your friend’s wedding. You’re lucky to get an evening invitation.

I'd decline the invitation and back away from the friendship if I thought I put more effort in than the other party.

It’s not your friend’s wedding, it’s her daughter’s. You haven’t mentioned anything suggesting you have a particularly close relationship with the adult daughter.
Weddings are expensive, many couples pay for it themselves and have other things like expensive housing to fund so opt out of obligation invites which cost hundreds of pounds.