On holiday with friends; another family has turned up. Not sure what to make of it!

[Unomum21]

Help me process this dear mumsnetters!
On holiday with my family, 2 kids and my oh, we've booked with our friends who have a similar set up. We've done holidays together most years for over a decade, my best friend is the mum.
So, we arrived together from another campsite yesterday, to find my friends, neighbors/friends are here, not really a problem per se but a bit awkward?

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

They seem keen to find out about our meal arrangements and what time we plan to be at the beach etc. so far kept it vague and said hello when we've seen them. Now asking about tomorrow, but we've all planned to go out for the day as it's my husband's birthday so going for a long lunch and walk round etc.

I'm a bit perplexed about what's happening 😂 and what to do about it really. Never met them before, they seem nice enough, but everyone is feeling a bit awkward.

What do we think to this then?! 😂 I'll enjoy reading your comments over wine later 😘

I don't think they were uninvited though....I think the OPs friend is down playing their role in this as they have realised OP is annoyed that it isn't just them.
She said her friend was embarrassed she told them when and where they were going....I bet the embarrassment is due to the OPs reaction and they are now trying to act as if it's more of a mistake and they didn't mean for the neighbour to come along, when it might be the friend and neighbour are friendly back home and their kids all play out together.

Agree with this - sorry, I really don’t see what the problem is. The more the merrier, surely? This all sounds a bit ‘playground politics’, but hopefully it will work itself out once the surprise has worn off.

Yes it does seem that the OP's friend implicitly invited them. The OP admits her friend said she couldn't tell them not to come. And that she told them not to come to the first week at the other site... which suggests she effectively endorsed them coming to the second week.

It is so batshit to invite yourselves which makes me think that’s not what happened. If they are even vaguely normal and see your friend a lot you can see what happened. Friend invited them either intentionally or unintentionally. Now it’s backfired on her she’s cowering pretending she didnt invite them and she’s letting you all paint them as CF socially inept weirdos hanging round where they are not wanted and sniggering at them. The dh has realised hence he’s pissed off. Poor form by your friend.

This is awful. Your friend has made a mistake and the other family are being badly treated because of it. This is their holiday too, and they were under the impression that they were spending time together. Now they're being blown lukewarm and cold when they follow through.

They didn't buy drinks for the first hour, then the husband stayed.
Yes we then paid for her 2 drinks in the round

My DM would totally have done this - boasted up the holiday to the other family, then been unable to say No when they invited themselves (or actively invited them)...

If your friend continues with my DM's playbook, the next stage will be a frenzy of guilt as everyone is so clearly unhappy, followed by wild weeping that 'everyone's picking on her...'.

🙄

Why not just have a conversation with your friend about it? I’m surprised you didn’t just ask her as soon as the other family arrived?

I don’t get it. These are friends of your best friend no. Surely if your best friend gets on with them you just class this as a miscommunication or a lapse in judgement and get on with it. Not necessarily cooking for them but why are you being so rude?

if my best friend lived far away and I had a solid week with her I’d take pleasure in getting to know parts of her life without me including her friends that I haven’t met before. Because they’re part of her life. Surely in a week you have more than enough opportunity to have quality time with your friend.

What? You’re not implicitly invited on holiday. If it’s not, ‘hey I’m going to Cornwall in August do you want to come’, it’s not an invitation it’s information.

And also there are enough of these threads to make it obvious that for many people it’s NOT the more the merrier. If you believe that it is that’s fine but at least check with the other people before turning up or inviting other random people.

This doesn’t make sense - you said before that the DH “stormed off” and yet here you’re saying he stayed?

Yeah sorry I didn't read properly and I'm half asleep the husband stormed off after an hour, she stayed. We had a nice time and paid for her drinks.

Honestly, I'm not seething about this, it is mildly curious and amusing to me/us.

My friends feel bad but I've reassured them were not bothered. My kids aren't bothered.

We've got plans today then tomorrow is last day before we head off on Sat. Thanks for your comments, very much enjoyed reading them last night.

Which is why it makes sense that the neighbour was invited.
The friend apparently said no to the first week as dynamics wouldn't work....yet this doesn't seem to apply to the second week. The fact they told the neighbour the place and dates suggests the friend did invite them. Maybe the friend felt they would have had enough time one to one with the OPs family and thought the second week would be good to spend time with both families.

I was giving the friend somewhat of the benefit of the doubt when I said she “implicitly” invited them. It’s clear she knew they were possibly coming. She said she couldn’t say no when they said they would.

Personally I wouldn’t like the more the merrier situation, partly because I have an autistic child and I know that would throw them.

But I also wouldn’t be bitchily sniggering at the family behind their back, especially when there’s disharmony with one of the couple storming out,or gleefully wanting MNers opinions so that I can “enjoy”them with wine.

If feel awkward and embarrassed and angry with my friend.

Is your friend a big people pleaser? It sounds like she's possibly encouraging her other friends, either because she feels too awkward not to or because she actually wants them there, then downplaying it to you... it definitely sounds like the other couple believed she had arranged to meet them at the bar. And if so, it's not much of a stretch to think that when her neighbour mentioned booking that she replied with something like "yes, that would be lovely!" Then buried her head in the sand knowing the rest of you would be unimpressed with the situation.

I have a friend that does this. I have witnessed her tell people about plans then make encouraging noises about them joining only to feign confusion to the rest group when they turn up. Even when challenged she'll maintain that she didn't invite them... she was just making polite chitchat (luckily she does have other redeeming qualities though 😄).

If they are generally nice I'd just include them this time, then make it really clear that no one else is invited the next time you plan a trip.

sounds like crossed wires due to vagueness of your friend that has resulted in an awkward situation. Feel bad for everyone.

You would think that, but my MIL kept telling everyone that my husband was going to take her travelling around Vietnam. (A few years earlier she'd told my husband that she was going to travelling around Vietnam and he would be taking her. He pulled a face and said, that's not looking likely. He never said he would. He never gave any indication that he wanted to). Anyway, she booked to go on a cruise with her daughter the same summer that we booked our trip travelling through Vietnam, Cambodia and a few other places.

Not too long ago she was going on about how her biggest regret was not travelling around Vietnam with us "when she had the chance". She legitimately believed that she was welcome.

Some people are either genuinely deluded or will happily manipulate/steam roll people into getting their own way. And they have zero shame doing it too.

Unless OP's BF specifically said that they must come along, this woman has invited herself. Who does that?

Why did the DH storm off after an hour?!

The whole thing is so incoherent. As are most of OP's posts.

I think we're all supposed to be going, "Teehee! CF weirdos!" when it seems to be a case of the best friend made an error and was/is too piss weak to rectify the misunderstanding/speak up; or in fact she actually invited them and is too piss weak to tell OP that's what she did.

Ditto re the mystery of the dinner arrangements. The friend invited them, obviously.

Why can no-one speak like a regular human in these situations, including OP who seems unable to ask a straight question and get a factual answer from this friend. Instead it's such fun to embarrass and torment this "odd" couple.

Haha thanks for this, I was just amused so posted. Mumsnet nevers let's me down 😂

I agree, and I feel really sorry for them in fairness, it sounds like the husband can't take the cringe level of obviously not being welcome on a part of the holiday that his wife and her friend have organised between them, so left in a huff, the woman even said she'd been told to meet them there for dinner! So your friend is telling her one thing and telling you another.

Your friend is 100% to blame for this situation and avoiding/excluding them on purpose to me is just mean girl territory.

I'd have been inclined to do a more the merrier approach, and if you really hated the extra family with you then tell your friend if she ever pulls a stunt like that again you will never arrange a holiday with them again.

I would also have no problem with this. I like meeting new people but I’m also not afraid to say when I need some alone time. Unless they were dicks I’d just enjoy their company and possibly make a new friend.

Time to do your own thing in future years maybe. You might find the children enjoy the change, and you can even considering have a different type of holiday.

Do you think the unwanted couple are amused?