On holiday with friends; another family has turned up. Not sure what to make of it!

[Unomum21]

Help me process this dear mumsnetters!
On holiday with my family, 2 kids and my oh, we've booked with our friends who have a similar set up. We've done holidays together most years for over a decade, my best friend is the mum.
So, we arrived together from another campsite yesterday, to find my friends, neighbors/friends are here, not really a problem per se but a bit awkward?

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

They seem keen to find out about our meal arrangements and what time we plan to be at the beach etc. so far kept it vague and said hello when we've seen them. Now asking about tomorrow, but we've all planned to go out for the day as it's my husband's birthday so going for a long lunch and walk round etc.

I'm a bit perplexed about what's happening 😂 and what to do about it really. Never met them before, they seem nice enough, but everyone is feeling a bit awkward.

What do we think to this then?! 😂 I'll enjoy reading your comments over wine later 😘

I have an even better one... We had booked a 3 bed caravan (sleeps 7, we are five). Friend booked a 2 bed caravan (sleeps 5, they are three).

CF mutual friend rocked up and expected to use extra entertained passes and sleep on the sofas in our caravans. They were 3 - so technically it could have worked - if invited!

They slept one night in our caravans because they were just there and didn't leave! It was bizarre! For the second night we packed them off to customer service to book their own.

How is it ridiculous to see if you get along as a group with a friend of a friend?

Jesus Christ no wonder so many Mumsnetters have little friends because you’re all so uptight and strange.

This is all your friends fault. My guess is she’s a wet people pleaser type and will have encouraged the poor friend to come on the holiday got there realised she’s pissed off you and her dh so is now rowing back and leaving them out. This is where not being clear gets you.

I agree that would be better but I think only friend can reasonably do that and she doesn’t seem inclined to.

I think it’s nearly impossible to actually think you’ve been invited when you haven’t. Not so hard to think you’ve haven’t been told no so you will impose - which is really poor behaviour. So either friend is lying about not having invited them or they are CFs and don’t really deserve sympathy.

Yeah it did feel like that's the case, back at the mobile now with our friends and we're chatting about it.. it's all fine, just a tad odd

So you made no plans with them and yet they turned up at the bar waiting for you?
This puts them in the CF category imo.
You may need to expand your radius and start going to bars, pubs and pools well away from that camp site. Otherwise they'll find you every time!

So they asked your friend about dinner that night and she said 'let's stay in touch' which most normal people would think means, let's stay in touch.

She's so wet! It all sounds so horribly awkward and bitchy.

What’s this, ‘the more the merrier ‘ that several people have said?
Its fine if it’s people you know and get on with
It’s not like you’re in the Ritz on an uncancellable deal. I’d go out and recce alternative campsites and leave your friends to have a great time together

Another one!
What is this more the merrier?

And what did your friend say when you chatted about it?

She’s been vague and you’re being vague here OP. You seem to be encouraging MNers to gently mock & deride them as out of order, but aren’t asking your friend head on as to what she specifically said. As others have said, it’s sounding bitchy from your and your friend’s end.

This is exactly what my DH thinks will happen. To be honest my oh is finding it all very amusing. Tonight was mad on reflection, we got a table and they didn't but a drink? The husband couldn't look at us then stormed off? She stayed and a had a drink.

That's actually a bit unhinged, let's face it.

This is exactly what I meant in my last post: it seems you gleefully want to provide MN with CheekyFuckers™️ for people to froth over.

But they are real people in a situation it seems your friend created.

If it was me, I’d feel awkward and concerned that the husband stormed off, not amused. And what do you mean they didn’t buy a drink, but the woman stayed for a drink? Did one of your party provide her with one?

I once had the worst holiday ever when friends-of-friends came along. They were not unexpected bur rather the result of my telling my original companion that I wanted a lot of ME time. Oh do you mind if I invite ....

Extra people whom you do not know can change the dynamic entirely in a small group.

Well the original idea was that the odd three could hang together while I visited the Paris antiques market. Problem: I was the only one who spoke French and found myself serving as an unpaid tour guide. When I left them and escaped for the day one lost all her money, travel cheques and passport. Of course it was my fault for abandoning them. Things went from bad to worse.

We all travelled back on the train from Paris on separate seats. That was when I began solo travel.

You keep saying it's "odd". It isn't all that odd when it has been made clear that your friend has more or less okayed them joining you by not being more upfront and firm and by giving away arrival and leave dates and precise location.

For them to turn up at your dinner location is also not odd as she has told them to and the time and location. If anyone is "odd" here, it's your friend.

These friends-of-friends obviously think it was fine for them to join the holiday, because your friend was too embarrassed/scared/whatever to immediately tell them that it wouldn't work as this holiday is their time with close friends ie you and your family.

It's even more embarrassing/awkward/scary now that they are actually there.

So you will have to be quite upfront and tell them you have a special DH birthday outing planned a while ago just for your family and friend's family.

If you're really lucky they might have a massive strop about it and never speak to you all again. Or go home.

Unless you and friend's family involve them, they will be upset/angry/unhappy, and the friendship between them and your friend's family will be ruined anyway. 🤷‍♀️

I feel sorry for this woman who has obviously interpreted your friend's crap boundaries as an invitation and hoped for a fun group holiday.

No doubt her kids are feeling excluded too.

It's not your fault but feels a little unpleasant to read about her trying to connect and being met with vague attempts to put her off.

It's fine to feel sorry for her, but why would anyone normal expect to have a fun group holiday with people she barely knows (OP) and who she never discussed going on holiday with and who didn't know she was coming? That's just not how normal people function.

We don’t know that the woman knew the OP would be there. We haven’t been informed that the OP’s friend told the woman that.

The OP has said that her friend said she couldn’t tell the 3rd family not to come; this means that the friend effectively invited them.

Your friend has clearly caused this. “Let’s stay in touch”?! That’s a yes to dinner otherwise why on earth would you be in touch.

They obviously thought they were invited on a group holiday because your friend is fucking useless at communicating and now you’re all shunning them. Horrible. No doubt you were all giving each other “odd” looks when you walked in. No wonder her husband doesn’t want to entertain it.

If neither you nor your friends want them just don’t tell them your plans. People shouldn’t just invite themselves on holiday but maybe your friends want them there so that could be awkward. Depends on how you get on with them. I would have no issue with saying you have already made arrangements but obviously you can’t stop them camping on the same site.

I think it's a combo of them being a bit weird for inviting themselves and your friend not handling the situation properly when she had the chance. When the woman said, "That's great. We'll come as well," or words to that effect, your friend should have said, "Oh sorry, that won't work for this trip as we're going with close friends who we don't see very often."

By going along with it, your friend has got you all into a pickle. Now, you're in a position where you're all being a bit mean and unwelcoming when this woman clearly didn't get a hard no when she originally brought up the idea, even if it was a bit strange of her to have suggested they come without an invitation.

I think in your position, I'd either be polite and suck it up and be welcoming or I would try to be boundaried e.g," We've got birthday plans for us 8 tonight, but we'll probably see you around tomorrow," etc. I definitely wouldn't be too passive. That's what's got you into this mess. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable blatantly confronting the issue by saying, "You invited yourselves and you've made it awkward," because it would be unkind and to be fair, it is partly on your friend for allowing it to happen.

Your friend is the problem….

Say something like we have plans all week but could see you next Tuesday for drinks. Throw them a bone for the end of the holiday. Don’t give them anything else.

Saw what you did there. Splendid play, that woman!