On holiday with friends; another family has turned up. Not sure what to make of it!

[Unomum21]

Help me process this dear mumsnetters!
On holiday with my family, 2 kids and my oh, we've booked with our friends who have a similar set up. We've done holidays together most years for over a decade, my best friend is the mum.
So, we arrived together from another campsite yesterday, to find my friends, neighbors/friends are here, not really a problem per se but a bit awkward?

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

They seem keen to find out about our meal arrangements and what time we plan to be at the beach etc. so far kept it vague and said hello when we've seen them. Now asking about tomorrow, but we've all planned to go out for the day as it's my husband's birthday so going for a long lunch and walk round etc.

I'm a bit perplexed about what's happening 😂 and what to do about it really. Never met them before, they seem nice enough, but everyone is feeling a bit awkward.

What do we think to this then?! 😂 I'll enjoy reading your comments over wine later 😘

I’m another one who thinks that your friend was more encouraging than she’s now admitting, having seen your reaction when they arrived.

They had a car why didn’t they go somewhere with a shop to buy food for the week?!

What?? Don’t be ridiculous! 🤦‍♀️

I’m the exact same. I’m a very private person and would not want my holiday distroyed by someone hanging around me. I don’t want to meet anyone while I am in a swimsuit enjoying myself.

For some reason your friend told them the details of your holiday including the exact dates. I think they misread the conversation and she didn’t put them right.

I couldn’t deliberately exclude them, it would be unkind. I’d make the most of it, because doing anything else would make everyone feel awkward. Plan some activities with your friend but expect to spend some of your holiday with the neighbours.

Why can’t you take the more the merrier approach?

This exact scenario happened to my friends last year

I feel really sorry for them, especially if they have kids that they've told they're on holiday with you all. I'd be disappointed in your shoes but I couldn't ignore and leave them out. Your friend is to blame here and she needs to grow a pair. It feels very bitchy at the moment and they will sense it.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

Your friend is a fucking idiot and blabbed all of the details, but not that they were going on holiday with other people.

Unless OP's friend is really two faced and told the other family it would be lovely to see them there, it is virtually impossible to actually mistake someone telling you when and where they are going on holiday for an invitation to join them.

They seem nice except for the fact they've gate crashed your friend's holiday without an invite...

I would decide if I wanted to get to know them or not and if not, arrange some activities with or without friend, get tickets and when asked where you're going say "we arranged some stuff for today, maybe we'll see you tomorrow."

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

So how did they know?

Your friend just needs to say:

”I’m really sorry, but wires have been crossed somewhere. We booked this holiday specifically to spend time with these friends as we don’t live close enough to see them regularly. We’re going to stick to those plans, which means we won’t be available to do things with you. There are lots of activities and places you can visit though so you won’t be bored.”

They’ll have to do that daily though as it leaves a trace of hope in the air. It wants knocking on the head.

I think your friend probably didn't put them off at all and possibly even led them to believe they would hang out together.

I would just see how it goes and if you end up being all together and it's ok, no problem.

You'll be the mean girls if you lie and scheme. Just enjoy yourselves.

I just cannot bear people who ride on the coattails of other people’s plans and friendships like this.

Best case scenario, they are genuinely oblivious CFs with the hide of a rhino, and you spend the whole holiday feeling wildly uncomfortable about how hard you have to push back to get some time with your actual friends without them.

In my experience, however, people like this are mostly ticking time bombs of grievance, and will sulk or moan or otherwise kick off about how hurt and excluded and bullied they feel if everyone doesn’t just budge up and involve them in everything.

Oh I feel really sorry for the neighbours. The friend has clearly told them all the dates/location and not just a passing ‘we’re off to Italy.’ She must have made it sound like they were welcome to join. And why on earth didn’t she tell you they were coming. So they have turned up on this holiday with their kids thinking they are going to be part of a group to be left out and talked about. They must be sensing the awkwardness and that they are being excluded.

Also, if I turned up and my best friend said ‘look I’m really sorry, I told our neighbours about the holiday and couldn’t say no when they asked to join’ I’d definitely be miffed but I’d make an effort to get to know them. Maybe not spend the whole day with them but go to the pool for a few hours etc. It sounds a bit high school tbh. Or did your friend not know they were coming till they got there?

@Unomum21 has anyone put keys in a bowl yet?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I don't understand. You were all vague about the evening plans but the neighbour thought you'd all arranged to meet in the bar? Why would she think that you would be at the bar, let alone meeting them?

Did no one say 'we didn't arrange anything Janice, why did you think we were meeting you?'

Sorry, but in what world would you just suggest to someone that you join them on a holiday they had already planned?

I feel like most people understand that you go on holiday with other people only if you are expressly invited, or if you planned the holiday together.

Nobody with an ounce of social awareness would hear about someone’s plans and say ‘that sounds great! What dates are you going? I’ll plan for us to be there for the entire time you’re there, so you can spend your whole summer holiday with us! What fun!’

I wouldn’t really mind this either tbh. I find people’s attitudes to other mutual friends on here ridiculously precious and controlling. It’s mildly irritating to have people invite themselves but a friend of a friend can’t be that bad.

I realise it’s very much the norm on here for people to feel threatened by friends including other friends in their plans so others won’t share this view. But I don’t really see the problem.

If you believe your friend that they invited themselves (sounds like that’s what happened), given you’ve never met them you can be the fall guy for your friend and get your and her family out of this pickle. Be blunt but kind, tell her that your two families don’t see each other very often, “are you aware that this is a joint holiday week away between us? Not a more-the-merrier kind of trip?”. Doesn’t matter if they get upset (as long as you’re not cruel about the way you go about it). It’s not your job to teach any lessons, but it is your job to protect your family’s holiday from sabotage and perhaps also to help your friend out of whatever hole she’s dug for you all.

Camping quite chilled, they probs didn’t think it would be a problem and more the merrier

Your friend should have made it clear to them that they weren't invited. Instead they have turned up, having not been told otherwise, and they are going to be feelign awkward and unwanted the entire time because your friend wasn't clear with them to begin with. I can't imagine how uncomfortable they feel right now and actually feel sorry for them.

And agree with others, it all sounds very Mean Girls.