On holiday with friends; another family has turned up. Not sure what to make of it!

[Unomum21]

Help me process this dear mumsnetters!
On holiday with my family, 2 kids and my oh, we've booked with our friends who have a similar set up. We've done holidays together most years for over a decade, my best friend is the mum.
So, we arrived together from another campsite yesterday, to find my friends, neighbors/friends are here, not really a problem per se but a bit awkward?

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

They seem keen to find out about our meal arrangements and what time we plan to be at the beach etc. so far kept it vague and said hello when we've seen them. Now asking about tomorrow, but we've all planned to go out for the day as it's my husband's birthday so going for a long lunch and walk round etc.

I'm a bit perplexed about what's happening 😂 and what to do about it really. Never met them before, they seem nice enough, but everyone is feeling a bit awkward.

What do we think to this then?! 😂 I'll enjoy reading your comments over wine later 😘

Give vague answers to what you are up to but also inquire what their plans are and offer them an idea of fun things near by that you enjoyed yesterday.....
Your family might really like the walking track that we found yesterday.

Speak like they chose a great spot here, but are on their own.

At most offer for them to join drinks on the last evening. Ask.. How did you go? Do you think your family will visit here again?

It could be a coincidence.

Do we think she told her DH that they’d been invited and he’s stroppy because you guys are leaving him out?

I’d probably just keep doing what you’re doing and be friendly but don’t make any plans around them. It sounds like they’ve assumed that because you’re all there, you’ll naturally spend time together, whereas your friend clearly didn’t invite them into your holiday. You don’t need to make it awkward or explain yourselves, just say what you’re doing when they ask and carry on with your own plans. If they keep trying to join everything, I’d be a little more direct and say that you’ve got quite a few things planned with your friends and family, but you’ll see them around. They may genuinely not realise they’ve put you in an awkward position.

How very ' jolly hockey sticks '
OPwas looking forward to a holiday with friends.Not navigating new friendships.
I also agree with do your own thing...but if the new folks decide to join in..then leave them with your friends and do your own thing

I think it's your friend who has made the mistake here and I am also wondering wether she is now backtracking and making it seem accidental having seen your reaction, when maybe she is 'the more the merrier'. I have friends who do big group holidays, if someone said where are you going that sounds fun, they would say tag along.
I wonder if your friend did similar as to me if sounds like the neighbours believe they were invited hence booking same place and dates. You only have her take on it that it's awkward and the neighbour must be wrong.

Also you have said you don't see your friend often as you don't live locally. Maybe they are friendly with the neighbour then and their kids at other times and the children usually play together. I do feel bad for the children if you keep avoiding them if they think their friends are ignoring them if they have been told they are going on holiday with them.

they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

But she could have said no or at least told you!

Tbf I had something like this happen, I was enthusing to a neighbour about a trip we were doing, offered to lend them the brochure, told them which trip we had chosen and this was interpreted as an invitation to join us.

There wasn’t an easy way to say they’d got it wrong without causing embarrassment. Thankfully they decided against without me having to.

I see how it happened but its done now so you have to be grownups about it.

I think I'd have to be blunt as it's not like you're mates and will see them again, but you need your friend to back you. Just say, look, we booked this to spend quality time together as we are best friends and don't live close by. You weren't invited to this. Please could you give us some space.

You sound really unkind to be honest. Just make the best of it.

While the OP might not see them again, her friends will though and maybe they are friendly with the neighbours so this could make it awkward for them.

We do know that the OPs friend told them that the OP and her family were going as she said not to come to the first week as the children dynamics won’t work. Don’t understand how dynamics would work better in the second week tho? Maybe be glad they are not there for 2 weeks.

OP you know how friendly they all are back home - especially the Dads? Her DH sounds like either a stroppy or the penny has dropped for him that his wife misinterpreted and he’s embarrassed. Moneys on the first scenario and she’s desperate for a holiday with others.

It seems a combination of pushy family and your friend being a push over.

Holidays and friendships are precious.

Your friend needs to keep on good terms with her neighbours, so it's up to you to be "bad cop" so that your friend can be conciliatory. Be blunt. Say things like "of course you can't gatecrash my husbands birthday celebrations, you are being incredibly rude to force yourself into our plans" - don't hold back. That lays the path for your friend to be "good cop" and find acceptable compromises that let her spend a little bit of time with her neighbour but hopefully agree that the main focus of the holiday is with you not them.

I’m confused, while it’s a bit clueless, is there anything wrong with including them? Just be friends?

I agree. If someone said that to me I'd think we were going to make plans later. I can absolutely see how this situation arose if this is how your friend communicates. I feel sorry for the other family

You all sound like bitchy schoolgirls to me! Seriously grow up! Its not ideal that they turned up but just get on with it and be friendly. It costs nothing to behave like a decent human being.

Well we don't know that the OP's friend specifically said that the OP and her family would be there for the second week. It seems odd for her to have said not to come the first week because of the "children dynamic" but not to use that as a reason why the second week wouldn't work either, when it still effectively applied.

It does seem though that the OP's friend knew that the family were likely to be coming. As I said before, she's put both other families in an awkward position.

If my kids got along with them and I liked them I would include them. If not I would just go home. I am autistic and holidays are already stressful this would really unsettle me. No point in sticking it out if you are struggling to enjoy it.

OP you know how friendly they all are back home - especially the Dads? Her DH sounds like either a stroppy or the penny has dropped for him that his wife misinterpreted and he’s embarrassed. Moneys on the first scenario and she’s desperate for a holiday with others.

yep, something like this

There is clearly some cross wires here. The fact they knew exactly where you were going and when , the Dates, indicates they did think you were all going on holiday together, and now they think they’ve made the effort and you’re all avoiding them and excluding them.

they don’t understand why you’re not including them.

so I’d say there has been cross wires somewhere along the line,

If Op includes them they'll expect to go on holiday in the same way for years to come.

Do you think the wife has sold it to the husband one way - and now they’re here he’s realised she’s being a CF and it’s embarrassing!?!

This honestly. They’re not objectionable so seems you’re just being petty and exclusionary?

Also, feel like your friend is playing down that they probably invited them…

Absolutely not. Who invites themselves on someone else’s holiday. It’s batshit.

We’re not obliged to be everyone’s friend. Do you feel you have to invite along everyone who chats to you. Or entertain people who fancy being mates?

With holidays in particular you want to have a break from obligations and responsibilities and do exactly what you want to do. It’s very rude to turn up on someone else’s trip without an express invitation. The hanging round hoping to be included and the passive aggressive sulking would drive me bonkers and reinforce my view that I don’t want to spend time with these people on holiday. It’s not mean to choose your own holiday companions.

I think it's possible that the 3rd husband is of the opinion that the OP's friend invited them, and that now he's arrived he finds that the OP's friend - who he thought they were friends with - is deliberately not including his family, backed up by the OP.

This might explain why he couldn't look at the OP and her friend and their DHs and stormed off, while his wife stayed. Regardless of why he did, it's pretty bitchy that the OP's DH found this very "amusing".

Some people love chatting to randos on holiday and make holiday friends, so those people wouldn't mind this. For introverts like me this would literally ruin my holiday and it's not bitchy to want to enjoy a break that OP has spent money and used annual leave to take!!