Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

No-one sane or reasonable would do this so I do think the OP is right to be a bit wary. I think you need to take the kid back to staff if the mum is continuing to be bizarre.

Poor kid but give an inch, these CF will take a mile.

Be harsh to the Mum though, not the little boy, and out of his earshot. Poor little soul. He obviously doesn't get the attention he needs from parent(s). Does the hotel have a kid's club? Agree with others to notify the staff that he is not being looked after. If its a child-loving country you are in, he will probably get lots of attention from the staff if you alert them.💗

Personally, I’d be telling the hotel management. The child is not your responsibility, clearly his parents are neglecting him and expecting you to look after him by entertaining him. Poor kid is basically being left to his own devices in a strange location whilst mum kicks back and relaxes ……. CF!

poor kid but he is not your problem!!

hand him into reception every single time - "lost child" - i would try "no, go to your mum" first though

do not be afraid of doing this - she sounds like a shit parent

I dont think the hotel will want to get involved tbh, especially depending on where it is.

I think you should not be engaging with the child at all. Do people not teach their kids about stranger danger any more? No way would we have let our young children or grandchildren do this. Alert a member of staff that the child is unaccompanied and you are not his carer. Feeling sorry for the boy is one thing, interrupting your holiday and exposing yourself to the possibility of you being accused of something untoward with the boy is another. Be firm and don’t engage with him again and tell the mum she needs to stop sending him over as he doesn’t know you and you don’t want to do childcare on holiday.

An abandoned child found in their hotel and handed to them by a complete stranger? They will have no choice but to get involved.

You need to tell staff. Many years ago when DS was 3/4 we were in Ibiza and there were 5 or so families that congregated by the kids pool. Every day a woman would come down in the morning and drop off her kid - similar age to DS, maybe a bit older, and would disappear until lunchtime and then again in the afternoon. It was AI but kids had to be accompanied for drinks, snack etc and he would pop up anytime any of the other adults went with their DC. There was a lot of grizzling amongst the parents. On about the third day the little gang of kids went to the play area (with parents) and abandoned boy came too - he fell from the top of the slide and landed really awkwardly. None of us wanted to pick him up!! The entertainment team went to find his parents (on their balcony) and got them - the woman had the audacity to question why we hadn't been keeping an eye on him. He spent the rest of the holiday in plaster.
Still pisses me off to this day!

This is a perfect answer. It is a good explanation to tell the child that you are a stranger. It is the truth and child needs to learn.

No parent can disagree.

In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.

Persist and if she tries this again say yes she was a toddler and we looked after her.

Report him as a lost child

You need to be clear with the mother that you are not prepared to babysit her child.

However, PLEASE don't do this via the child or within his earshot: I feel desperately sorry for the mite.

Maybe, but I imagine that once staff figure out what's going on they will just try to pass the buck and tell op to return the kid directly. I mean, OP should try it of course, but ai can imagine the staff saying 'ah, yes, the child belongs to that woman over there'.

I think OP and her family need to break the pattern by going out for a few days in a row.

Yes, I think this is the one thing you could say directly to the child that wouldn't be too cruel. Children often respond quite well to reasoned explanation - especially those who are not used to being given them!

But please don't say anything in front of him like "I'm trying to relax" Op. Of course you are, and it's fair, but the poor little guy ...

Why do people come up with elaborate lies about probation officers, social workers and the rest of the nonsense stories?

As MN likes to say, no is a complete sentence. No, go back to your mum. Repeat perhaps 3 times, if the child does not move then involve staff. No interaction. No chat. No smiling at him.

The mother is completely batshit. Do not let her or her son spoil your well-deserved holiday! I would be absolutely fuming!

My partner and I aren't afraid of telling cheeky fuckers what we think of them. I used to be as shy as a mouse, and then just decided one day I wasn't going to be anymore. Treat people as they treat you - mum is more than happy to ruin your holiday. Your daughter literally heard her, and as you said, mum is hiding from you now.

I can't get over the absolute cheek of some people. It's astounding. Just so she can get a break and drink, she is treating YOU as the au pair??

I agree with others, you need to treat this kid as a lost child. Also do not engage with the boy any longer, do not tell the parents "he's cute, but..". Ignore. Return him. Don't take it anymore. Go ice cold.

Honestly, you will look back on this holiday and feel annoyed forever, otherwise.

THIS.

Poor child, not your responsibility keep sending him back and don’t engage

Yes, I'd feel bad for the kid, but I wouldn't play with him again, as it will only confuse him. Every time I'd be telling him to go back to his mother or taking him to a member of staff if she's not in sight. He's not your responsibility, and he's not in imminent danger, so... No. Refuse to engage. Dealing with crappy guests is unfortunately part of the job of the staff, so they'll have a system in place, I'd assume!

I remember being in Turkey when I was 18 and my younger sister was 16 and we were larking around in the pool with lilos and my sister was doing handstands.
It was our first holiday abroad and we were all inclusive so we were having alcoholic cocktails by the pool.

Two young kids who were about 3 and 6 kept coming over and trying to play with us but we weren’t interested and getting frustrated.
My mum was in the spa and my dad asleep so we didn’t know what to do and how to politely send them away.

We kept moving away and ignoring them after asking where the parents were and being told they didn’t know and were just talking to each other not interacting at all. We didn’t realise the eldest child was helping themself to out brightly coloured cocktails until the glasses were empty and we were stuck with a drunk young child and no clue where their parents were.

We had to wake my dad up who went to the hotel staff and they found the kids mum. She gave us an absolute mouthful for not looking after her kids and saying if they drowned it was our fault!
My dad didn’t want to get into an argument with a woman in front of her kids so told her to supervise them properly and said we weren’t babysitters.

The next day we were in the pool again and same unsupervised kids came over and started hanging around us again and hanging off us wanting to play.
This time my mum dealt with it and told the kids mother that we weren’t going to entertain her kids and if something happened to them it was her fault and we wanted to enjoy our holiday.

We were left alone for the rest of the holiday but those kids were constantly looking for people to cling on to when we saw them and ignored by their parents.
I wonder why these people bother to have children and take them on holiday if they are just going to ignore them?!

OP I think when he is with your family, I would leave him there briefly while you go to the mother and say: "Your child is at our table/lounger again. I have come without him to spare his feelings at what I am about to say as he is just a little boy, but we do not want or need your child disrupting our holiday. We are finding him a total imposition. I will send him back as soon as I return and I don't want to be disturbed by him again or I will complain and refer the issue to the hotel management to deal with you."

Then tell him mummy wants him.

Eh? Of course they need to get involved it's happening on their premises!!

I am just saying that I predict they will get involved as little as they can get away with. Am happy to be corrected!

Not the same, but slightly similar...

We were away for a few days at a UK beach recently. DS was playing with his diggers in the sand. A little boy came over and wanted to join in. Fine, not a problem. Mum came over smiled and went off. I mean OFF. We couldnt see her anywhere on the beach. I was nervous and annoyed. Didnt want to watch 2 kids!

She came back an hour later and asked why he was wet. She was annoyed about it.

DP, who is the most chilled man on the planet lost it. Gave her a right talking to.

Why the fuck do people think this is acceptable?!?!