Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

It’s common. It’s entitled parents that think it’s ’their holiday too’ and they deserve a break. From their own children!

Ive had this too, the moment we got in the pool we got bombarded by these two kids because we played fun games with our own children while they just wanted to sunbathe and drink cocktails. I would be much more direct now and take them back/ go to reception. Must be against the hotel rules to leave small children unsupervised so they could get thrown out!

take the boy to the mum and tell her

Your son is a great little boy, but we are strangers and you don't know who we are are what we do - best keep your child as far away from us as possible and teach him not to talk to strangers

Couldnt agree more!

This is why when our kids where little we didnt do foreign pool holidays, its the same stuff as at home but with more demands, fewer toys and none of the stuff you dont realise that you need until you dont have it!

We used to do Keycamp mobile home holidays in France and did day trips. Saw all sorts. But I am guessing that the sort of families who would do this to the OP et al are not really interested in the Bayeaux Tapestry and the Louvre lol.

Safeguarding training has “ it’s everyone’s duty” at its heart.
The Op knows this poor kid is being ignored at best and neglected at worst.
However the issue is he’s not being supervised and Op needs to hand him to hotel staff to deal with the mum.
God forbid should anything happen to him and mum will throw the Op under the bus as she thought she was “looking after hi.

I loved foreign hols when the kids were younger but equally if I was asked 'has your child never been a toddler' would have said 'yes which is why we are enjoying our peace now' or something. Poor kid but that would do my nut in. Lazy parenting.

You should speak to hospital staff and get them to intervene as they are not supervising their child.

Poor kid! And poor you. What a terrible Mum, you shouldn’t be forced into a position where you are forced into behaving in a way that will upset the poor kid. The mum knows she is a cf and the only way might be to guilt trip her. Tell her it is heartbreaking that she is not providing her child with the time and attention he deserves, tell her he will look back on this time one day and remember how bloody useless she was.

It wont stop her though, she will just let her kid attach to another family instead. Eventually she will find someone wet enough to put up with it.

I know you are trying to help but being from a rough family myself, this would start a war.
They would twist this as you insulting a child and the large drunken group could make OP holiday a nightmare. These types love a common enemy.
I know someone will reply to me saying this is a fine, logical comment but no, trust me. It will be a large, angry, intoxicated group v OP little family. The mum has already clocked OP as a soft touch.
Don't call the child an imposition, annoying... anything! It WILL be twisted back on you!
I recommend letting staff deal with it, saying he is lost and doesn't belong to you.

Holidays with young kids are harder work than just staying home.

We have decided to just do UK holidays until DS is a bit older. Mostly holidays geared to him too (butlins holidays camps etc)

Fine if you dont. Fine to go abroad... but dont expect to sit by the pool sipping sangria

What arsehole parents, you could be anyone!

Hope you had a good night OP. The Mum is a CF.

I agree. I have seen this unfold time and time again. These people cannot be reasoned with and love to play victim...

I'm itching to know how tonight went & do hope OP comes back to tell us.

The mother (the whole family) are serious CF if they're imposing upon OP like this. Watch they don't go out for the day leaving the boy in your care. OP.

Hence why my husband and I go to adults only hotels ever since being empty nesters. Couldn't stand to be saddled with anyone's kids. This mother is neglectful and extremely irresponsible. Report to hotel.

Society has gone to the dogs a bit. Some people just don't care one bit about anything but themselves. To normal people with a moral compass, yes they are cheeky fuckers, but so many people don't have a social or moral compass anymore. As pp have said absolutely no good will come of pointing this out to them - they will never see that they have done anything wrong and will just turn on you as a result. I've started to despair a bit. You can to some extent buy yourself out of it - so it might mean a posher hotel next year.

Everyone saying "the mother is neglectful" yes she is BUT......
she was almost certainly brought up the same way. Being sent off by her family to "find some children to play with" and being a kid wont have clocked that perhaps she wasnt wanted by them.

So to her she was fine, thats how its done and so she is doing to her kid what her own mother did to her. But I also agree that direct confrontation will not work as the family will all then be out to get OP, so just keep handing him back to hotel staff. It is their problem, not hers.

You go to this woman and tell her you don’t want her kid.

We're currently on a pool/ beach AI hol in the med. My kids are 12 and 10 and it's been great. They've been playing in the pool or reading/ chatting/gaming. I've read two books!
But - this is the first pool holiday we've had in 7 years. We gave up on this type of holiday ages ago as, as someone said, it's not a (relaxing) holiday with young kids and we found city breaks/ activity based hols for that age group were better. We put in the effort and played with the kids during those early pool hols, but it there wasn't much downtime. It's just how it is. We didn't palm them off.

As others have said, I'd be polite but firm with the child and tell them to return to their group. Failing that, I'd get staff involved.

this must be an AI post. Surely to christ this is not serious.
what should I do? How about tell him to go away and then just completely ignore him. Why did you let him stay with you? Why did you let him sit at your table. Honestly.

Hope you all managed to enjoy your evening.

I'd say Uh uh, go back to mummy every time he comes over.
And if you can't see mummy, hand him off to a member of staff.

God forbid should anything happen to him and mum will throw the Op under the bus as she thought she was “looking after hi.

That's actually a very relevant point. Depends on the country but in most places I am familiar with, OP would not be seen as responsible for the child, if the mother just sent the kid over without any discussion or agreement with OP, and Op sent them straight back. However, if OP spent the entire dinner with the child, letting the child climb all over them, mum could indeed try to claim they implicitly accepted the responsibility. Especially if it's around the pool or other high risk area. That's why it's very important that OP sends the kid right back, without giving the mum a chance to claim OP was happy to babysit.

'You have a lovely, friendly little lad here. I've enjoyed interacting with him and don't want to discourage his confidence but I'm not on holiday to babysit somebody else's child. Please ask him to stop coming over to us and know that I will be taking no responsibility for his safety. You need to do this yourselves as his parents' Record yourself saying this to them so there's absolutely no question of liability in the (quite likely) event that he goes missing/comes to harm. If he comes back to you say nothing except 'please go back to your parents now' and if you are worried he's not being supervised then alert staff especially the lifeguards. My biggest concern would be an accidental drowning due to lack of supervision around water but you cannot prevent this by pandering to it. In fact the risk is higher if you don't set clear boundaries. I'd feel sorry for the poor kid if it was me but he isn't really your's to save and you can only do what you can do

What happens if you just walked off with the child?
Do you think the parents would notice, or would they panic when they realise child is missing?

They would not have a clue where they are or if they were safe, no name of who they are with, or a contact number. and they would look like absolute dicks reporting a child missing with absolutely no clue who they sent them off with!

I would consider taking him for a long stroll down the local beach, stay there a couple of hours, then when you come back, meet the panic with "oh, but you told him to come and play with us so I assumed you wanted us to babysit!"

On a more serious note though, these parents are bat shit and should actually be reported. Leaving a very young child in a foreign country with strangers, near water etc - absolute recipe for disaster. I hope you've managed to resolve it and have a good night tonight x