Page 29 | What wouldn't you admit out loud ?

2ndNatureTime · 2026-08-11T13:33:08+00:00

Im sure they'll be lots of judgement on here as always but here we go I really wish I hadn't married my 1st husband. He was a loser and still is. I find 99% of kids so dull

Namechangeeeee1 · Yesterday 06:30

Indianajet · 11/08/2026 19:16

I truly can't believe this post. My husband died four years ago, and I miss him every day. No amount of freedom makes up for his loss.
I hope you never say that out loud, especially to a widow.

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Everyone's situation is different. You cannot tell this person off. This thread is for saying things you can't say out loud!

Buntingbirdsandbears · Yesterday 06:31

ThatCyanCat · 11/08/2026 20:27

You aren't allowed to access your own notes?

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No, you have to request them formally via medical records like anybody else would. Usually you’d be given a printout of a scan at the time so would have a paper copy, I don’t know why but I wasn’t given anything to take home and I just desperately wanted to see it and if it gave any hope at all I wasn’t miscarrying. But the disproportionate anxiety I’ve felt since then has been much worse.

TwoNicePuppies · Yesterday 06:32

Existentialistic · Yesterday 00:29

I think you’ve assumed wrongly. I literally couldn’t give a flying fig about what other women look like or what they may think I look like - I only dress to please myself. Someone can look conventionally “beautiful” but be an ugly person inside.

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@Existentialistic you’re not alone, I couldn’t care less what I, or other women, look like at all. I’ve never done any preening such as make up/nails and have short hair that takes minutes to wash & dry, as long as I’m showered & my clothes are clean I’m happy & have never compared myself to another woman in attractiveness.

LetterBetter · Yesterday 06:37

TiredShadows · 11/08/2026 22:05

I've become actively suicidal in the last year.

I've had many depressive times in my life, I've had suicidal ideation since I was a young child, but it was always the passive belief I'd heard others tell me - that they would be happier if I was gone, that it would be a relief for others not to be burdened by me - along with the passing thoughts around what could kill me.

About a year ago, I started having ideas about death as relief for me rather than others for the first time. Some days, it's only been reminding myself of the things I've not yet done, usually for/with my kids and husband, that keeps me back. Some days I swing between existential dread of not having enough time for all I want to do and thinking it sounds nice, peaceful, that peaceful is all I want. Never had either before about a year ago.

I haven't even brought myself to be able to tell the new AI chatbots my local services use for mental health care, as I fear the consequences of admitting it to anyone or anything with official capacity or to my loved ones.

The only thing that's really changed is the new job I started about 18 months ago, a job where 95% of people are fine, work goes well most of the time, but that 5% of colleagues do seem to wear me down a lot more than they really should, it feels like constant mental gymnastics trying to work with them. I've become concerned I'm going to get my death wish from the stress of that 5%.

I'll also admit that a colleague made me cry this week. I'm in my 40s, over sensitive, and crying in the work toilet this week because a manager had asked me help a new colleague as the person who was with her was busy with a member of the public, and while I was helping, busy person stormed up, snatched the paper out of my hand and snapped at me as she continued to storm past, a colleague who otherwise ignores me and has made it clear since well before I got the promotion over her mentee (who tried to wing the interview) that she wants nothing to do with me and that I don't belong here. I don't like that it impacted me that much, I seem to have lost the ability to let it wash over me all that in the last year. I can grey rock/blank it for a moment, then once I can leave, I'm falling apart. I want to stop caring about the 5%'s rudeness and enjoy the rest, I just can't seem to get my brain to go with that anymore. This incident was reported by the first manager who saw it and that I left upset to my manager, but when my manager asks if I'm okay/if there is anything she can do, I've no idea what to say so I just smile and say I'm okay now. No point adding to her workload for what feels like school bullshit.

That colleague is a bullyish cunt.

She doesn't deserve your headspace.

Newstart3 · Yesterday 06:41

Travelfairy · Yesterday 00:47

That I have a secret sister 😢

I would love to say the second one but other family members dont want the secret to get out. I HATE not being able to gave her in my life to keep others happy 😕

Omg I would so have her in my life if I wanted too! 😢

LetterBetter · Yesterday 06:41

ProperBreak · Yesterday 03:47

When people talk about losing seven plus stones, I am genuinely shocked. How could they have put on the weight of an entire adult human in the first place.

I used to be 7 stone overweight - I was raped when I was a child and put the weight on as a defence I think, comfort eating, shame, etc.

Just to give my example of the 'why'.

I think a lot of morbidly obese women have had awful trauma in their lives.

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 06:44

Buntingbirdsandbears · Yesterday 06:31

No, you have to request them formally via medical records like anybody else would. Usually you’d be given a printout of a scan at the time so would have a paper copy, I don’t know why but I wasn’t given anything to take home and I just desperately wanted to see it and if it gave any hope at all I wasn’t miscarrying. But the disproportionate anxiety I’ve felt since then has been much worse.

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Is it worth taking yourself to HR, admitting this upfront and talking about your miscarriage fear and getting signed off with anxiety for a bit? Surely your honesty would prevent you actually losing your job over it and it’s not like it was anyone else’s records.

Sluggish · Yesterday 06:46

I think the early release scheme was necessary to keep prisons functioning and I don't understand the furore around the early release of two men who were passengers in the car that killed PC Harper.

The whole justice system, from courts, to prisons, to probation is at breaking point. I just can't see the point of derailing this whole scheme, which is being done out of absolute necessity, to keep in jail what were two teenage accomplices that were passengers in the getaway car from a bungled quadbike theft, when the jury in the case wasn't even sure anyone in the car was aware PC Harper was being dragged behind them.

Wouldn't say it in real life because it turns out lots of normal people are weird about punishment, and seem to use cases like this as outlets for anger. Or they'd straight up bring back hanging...

ProperBreak · Yesterday 06:47

People who say they prefer dogs to people are socially inept, and they are the ones with personality flaws, not others. It’s also a stupid generalised comment which hints at a lack of overall intelligence.

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 06:55

Augustus40 · Yesterday 04:17

It is easier dead than alive. I am not at all suicidal though. We come from the source and we go back to the source after each incarnation. I strongly believe in karma reincarnation and past lives. Life gets harder and harder after each lifetime. Our close relatives and friends that have passed on are all waiting to greet us on the astral plane. As are our deceased pets. The celestial sphere is joyful and living on the earthly plane is challenging.
Wow sorry I did not mean to type so much!

Wait, surely if you believe in karma then it either gets easier or harder depending on your previous lives?

If it is real I think I want to come back as a very wealthy white gay guy.

SamClamsDisco · Yesterday 06:57

Existentialistic · Yesterday 00:29

I think you’ve assumed wrongly. I literally couldn’t give a flying fig about what other women look like or what they may think I look like - I only dress to please myself. Someone can look conventionally “beautiful” but be an ugly person inside.

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Good for you, but the key word in that sentence was 'most'.

scalt · Yesterday 06:57

While my DH wraps my birthday and Christmas presents, I like to be in the room, so I can hear him wrapping stuff, knowing that it’s all for me. (I can’t see what I’m going to get, though, because I’m blindfolded. ) We love this ritual.

Thepeopleversuswork · Yesterday 06:58

ProperBreak · Yesterday 06:47

People who say they prefer dogs to people are socially inept, and they are the ones with personality flaws, not others. It’s also a stupid generalised comment which hints at a lack of overall intelligence.

Agree. They are another subset of the group of people who take great delight in “hating people” and think being an introvert equates to having a personality.

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 06:58

PeloMom · Yesterday 05:46

What did she say?
sometimes I crave when I’m unwell to be looked after. Just for a few hours.

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She said feeling that way was totally understandable given what’s going on in my family at the moment and how much I’m carrying. The situation won’t change massively, but she reminded me that it will change in subtle ways I don’t yet know and can’t predict.

I was quite unwell at the weekend and felt very abandoned by my DH. Some days I’m sick of the servitude involved in my life - but having kids and getting married was my own choice, and I have far more independence and freedom within it than, say, my own mother had.

CoraPirbright · Yesterday 07:02

Halfblindbunny · 11/08/2026 20:17

Both my DH and my DS have had suicidal thoughts and I'm the common denominator in both their lives. So there is obviously something about me that makes those close to me want to kill themselves.

Or….. you are the common denominator that makes them both stop following through on these ideas? 💐

Secretsquirrel2 · Yesterday 07:04

I have found this thread fascinating and carthartic. Thank you OP @2ndNatureTime

It's made me rethink religion.

Existentialistic · Yesterday 07:11

SamClamsDisco · Yesterday 06:57

Good for you, but the key word in that sentence was 'most'.

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So you think “most” women have low self esteem and/or self confidence issues? I know that many do - it’s sad. I like to think that more women have the depth of character not to think so simplistically about looks/attractiveness. Comparison is the thief of joy….

BettyJoanPerske · Yesterday 07:13

bumblingbovine49 · 11/08/2026 22:25

Ah but you see, my reaction to the same thing is to think ' well I bloody well did my duty and visited the oldies despite dire boredom on my part, so they can bloody well suffer too"

In fact, I rarely fele much sympathy for someone going through a similar terrible experience to one I might have been through. I just think ' well I coped , so they can too" .

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Be prepared for them not to do it, though. You can't make people do what you think they should do.

MrsGusset · Yesterday 07:16

I've got an imaginary dog.

I love dogs but feel I'm too old to look after a pet properly now so I've invented one. He's an American pit bull called Paul.

Must admit I don't think about him much during the day when I'm busy but at night I let him sleep on my bed. As we snuggle down together he makes me feel safe & secure because I live alone.

Shouldn't really share this on Mumsnet because earnest posters will be queuing up to diagnose me with dementia...

mabidaneera · Yesterday 07:24

That my husband's behaviour as he ages will drive me and our kids far away from him. He thinks we all adore him. He is a total liability.

NiftyTraybake · Yesterday 07:32

scalt · Yesterday 06:57

While my DH wraps my birthday and Christmas presents, I like to be in the room, so I can hear him wrapping stuff, knowing that it’s all for me. (I can’t see what I’m going to get, though, because I’m blindfolded. ) We love this ritual.

"I can’t see what I’m going to get, though, because I’m blindfolded. ". - Kinky!

NiftyTraybake · Yesterday 07:34

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 06:44

Is it worth taking yourself to HR, admitting this upfront and talking about your miscarriage fear and getting signed off with anxiety for a bit? Surely your honesty would prevent you actually losing your job over it and it’s not like it was anyone else’s records.

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Talking to HR generally is an awful awful idea in the NHS. Stay schtum. If your anxiety is stopping you working, seeing your doctor and maybe some time off work would be a good idea.

bellventrico · Yesterday 07:34

I'm actually lovely to her but really can't bear my elderly MIL - she's so negative and controlling and always has a mean take on other people's motives. She has zero concern for anyone but herself.
But I smile and try to be as helpful as possible because FIL is a saint.

NiftyTraybake · Yesterday 07:35

Sluggish · Yesterday 06:46

I think the early release scheme was necessary to keep prisons functioning and I don't understand the furore around the early release of two men who were passengers in the car that killed PC Harper.

The whole justice system, from courts, to prisons, to probation is at breaking point. I just can't see the point of derailing this whole scheme, which is being done out of absolute necessity, to keep in jail what were two teenage accomplices that were passengers in the getaway car from a bungled quadbike theft, when the jury in the case wasn't even sure anyone in the car was aware PC Harper was being dragged behind them.

Wouldn't say it in real life because it turns out lots of normal people are weird about punishment, and seem to use cases like this as outlets for anger. Or they'd straight up bring back hanging...

I reckon we should use prisoners as they do in the US (slave labour, really), but in this case use them to build new prisons.

6ate9 · Yesterday 07:40

blinkisbirthday · 11/08/2026 23:21

@Happyjoe my whole life has been built up to having kids. I just get so much joy from making them happy. I can't understand what you build your life up to and for without them. It would feel self indulgent and empty to me. I also know lots of happy childfree people. But I can't understand the mindset

Having children is inherently selfish. The choice to reproduce is fundamentally driven by individual desire rather than the consent of the unborn person.