Home security cameras and MIL

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We have had security cameras fitted at our new home that we moved into 3 months ago. They record all around the outside of the house and parts of inside but just by external doors and our home offices. There are none in our family’s actual living space.

My MIL has kicked up a huge fuss saying that she doesn’t want to be recorded and is refusing to come to our house unless we get rid old them or turn them off when she’s here which we won’t be doing. We have asked what exactly the problem is and she just says she doesn’t want to be recorded in our home but can’t or won’t really say why.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

Yes I would have an issue as I don't like people watching me, especially people who know me.
It could be an introvert thing, if you feel depleted by having to put on a show, then if you feel like cameras could be watching then that extends to all the time. Some people just like to have some alone time. It's very common for autistic people especially demand avoidant flavour to not want to be perceived/observed.
To be honest I feel uncomfortable both watching and being recorded, I wouldn't really want CCTV, I'd feel awkward recording neighbours, delivery people, etc going about their day.

There are actually a class of people who go around filming people at work or in public trying to wind them up and posting it on YouTube, you can get a lot of clicks and views. Perfectly legal but not right in some cases

But anyway, as you know, you don't have to agree with someone's feeling to respect or empathise with it. Everyone has their feelings, but it's nice that you're trying to empathise and understand. 🙂

Ask dear MIL what she has been doing in your home(s) prior to cameras being installed.

I live somewhere where we leave windows open at night on the ground floor and don’t lock the car or garage, so having cameras indoors and outside sounds like the sort of thing you’d expect living somewhere really dodgy like New York or South Africa.

If you live in a high crime area, I probably wouldn’t want to risk visiting you, so I wouldn’t feel any safer with cameras monitoring my every move.
Maybe MIL feels unsafe?

I really hope that when my Dc marry and get their own homes (i.e not rented as present) they won't behave like this.

So alienating and controlling.

just tell her you have turned them off! Problem solved.

Our kids are age 4, 7,12 and 16. Younger ones are left with family or our nanny, who are all fine with the cameras. All our family have cameras themselves and our nanny says most families she’s worked for have had cameras. Our older children don’t care about cameras but obviously they have their rooms for complete privacy if they want. Most of our children’s friends have cameras in their houses. It’s very common here.

If sight of the inside camera was enough of a deterrent for the intruder to flee, why does it need to be turned on?

I guess that if their is no compromise, you can visit her in her own home. I think I'd feel uncomfortable.

This

Probable reason: A lifetime of 'smiling for the camera' and checking your hair, lipstick, etc before a snap is not easily overcome.

I put myself through a really cringeworthy few weeks of unflattering selfies to at least get used to the idea that cameras see us au naturel these days. Others cope by going wild with the beauty filters. It does call for a massive attitude adjustment (or avoidance, as MIL prefers).

Improbable reason: Cameras steal your soul! Everybody knows that a picture taken unawares gives the photographer power over your destiny.

I don't think there's much more behind it than being in somebody's home as a guest (and not a street or shopping centre) you have some expectation of privacy. Social errors like a visible bra strap or a fresh coffee stain on your top aren't expected to be caught on camera.

The other point might be that you have footage of her she doesn't have access to. Would access to your camera systems so she can see the footage for herself help?

Or she could copy clever burglars and cover her face when she arrives until she's in a safe room.

Lots of people have told you that they feel indoor cameras are intrusive. I’d add that they’d make me feel like my hosts don’t trust me. That’s a horrible feeling. So I’d never knowingly visit anyone with cameras inside - family or friends.

Given that so many of us have said the same thing, perhaps you can assume your MIL feels this way too. If you’re not willing to turn the cameras off while she’s there, you can’t ‘reassure’ her. There’s no grey area - they’re either on or off.

YANBU to have them on in your house, but you need to accept that this means some people will find this really uncomfortable and choose not to enter your home.

Yes - we have external cameras but only internal movement sensors near access points, and door sensors on all external access doors. No need to have cameras anywhere inside the house at all.

I would hate to be recorded inside anyone's home, including my own. It's certainly not normal amongst my social circles.

Do you keep the recordings on your own hardware or is it uploaded to "the cloud" for storage. The latter means it's potentially available to be watched by outsiders.

We do have CCTV covering all entrances to my home due to my work but there is no way I'd allow them inside. I don't like that I'm recorded in my own back garden even though I'm the only one who can access the recordings.

I hate the way that personal privacy is rapidly becoming obsolete. It's gone in public places but it's not going to invade my house.

I would hate cameras inside and wouldn’t visit as I could never relax. You don’t know who might have access to the videos, especially if they are saved via a security company. I refuse to have my photo taken as I don’t want pictures to be put on the internet and I never post pictures myself. My husband feels the same. I have a relative who insists on taking photos and tagging me in them on facebook though I have asked her not to - the height of rudeness.

We have cameras downstairs. No one in my family and friends cares. I’d say at least half of them have cameras in their own homes so it’s normal for us. In my experience it’s common for people with expensive houses and/or those living more in the sticks to have cameras as these houses are targeted. When some houses here were targeted and someone was hurt, the police visited us to talk about being vigilant and increasing security. They advised a good camera system which we already had anyway.

If telling her that she will only be on camera when coming and going isn’t enough to reassure her, then she will have to not come to your home. It’s your home and your wants come first.

try stopping asking and start TELLING

I can understand having cameras following a traumatic crime. I don't understand why you wouldn't turn them off when she visits. Are you HNW and feel you would be a target during the day? Or us it something as simple as you would be worried you would forget to turn them back on. I understand why she wouldn't like the idea, as lots of people have already said it's intrusive and some how odd.

Agree. I’d feel the same.

I would still count that as unacceptable surveillance.

I will be retiring next year and have already bought the flat I'll be living in then. It's in a tenement with 5 other flats. The most recent person to buy a flat in the close is running it as an Airbnb and has installed cameras in the communal hallway. Everyone else who lives in the close hates this, and have complained about these. Why should we be recorded simply coming and going from our own homes? We can't avoid the camera. It is incredibly and upsettingly intrusive.

I think cameras outside are fine inside your house no.
We were at a friends house and we’re leaving a gift for their dad. We discussed how much to leave and left a card with money.
They later commented on our conversation when I asked how they know. They said it was on camera. I felt it was an invasion of our privacy.

You can change your preferences to that people cannot tag you in facebook - you get a request and can decline. I did this a decade ago because my Sister get posting pictures of my DC. They could not legal consent, so we barred it. She got the message.

now that is wrong. I would never mention or discuss anything picked up on my cameras.

I'd feel really uncomfortable too and would probably choose not to visit as a result. I accept there's nothing I can do about public cameras, doorbell cameras, CCTV and similar systems at work or whilst out and about but there are locations and events I deliberately avoid because I don't want to be filmed or photographed. I recognise the fact I don't like how I look is my issue but the thought of someone being able to view/hear me on a particular camera whilst chatting to family members would cause me to stay away. No amount of anyone telling me that footage won't be looked at or that it'll only be used if there's a burglary etc will make me feel better about it. I wouldn't keep on about it though, just quietly opt out and hope my DCs would still be happy to see me elsewhere.

Security cameras are creepy. Personally, that data goes right to a corporation that then has information about you, ypur activities, conversions and your home. I would NOT want that inside my home. Outside is reasonable-ish, but inside is...hmmm, it doesn't sit right.