How do we ACTUALLY solve the rift between dog people and non-dog people?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

Inspired by yet another dog thread where all the SAME arguments are trotted out again and again:

The Pro Dog People say:

• The dog is my family, you need to treat it like family
• Why would I get a dog just to leave it at home?
• It’s just a dog, it’s not bothering anyone
• My dog is less annoying than your child
• I love my dog more than I love people
• The dogs are ALLOWED to be there so it’s okay that I bring them places
• If my dog isn’t invited, I would probably choose to stay home as I prefer most dogs to people anyway
• My house is my dog’s home too, I won’t be shutting it away for anyone
• My dog isn’t dangerous - he’s a bit softy.

The Anti Dog People Say

• I’m allergic/scared/don’t like being around them - please keep them away from me
• It’s a pet, not your family
• A dog is not a child
• I won’t have dogs in my house
• Dogs are dirty and unhygienic - they shouldn’t be in shops or places where you eat
• I’m sick of dogs barking and jumping up at me in public and I keep stepping in dog poo
• There are too many places that either actively allow dogs, or more often don’t challenge people who bring them anyway so dogs eventually become allowed
• Dog owners are entitled and pushy and this is why they are now suddenly everywhere
• It’s dangerous to have dogs around children
• Dogs can bite/kill people
• There are too many untrained dogs who are treated like people

Same arguments on both sides, every time.

In my personal life I can think of at least two situations where these opposing views are creating real rifts in families because the dog person wants to bring a dog, and the non-dog person doesn’t want to be around said dog. I can feel it becoming more polarising in society generally, anti dog people are more vocal about being anti dog and pro dog people are more pushy about full inclusion of dogs in human spaces.

So what is the actual solution?

There are also the people who have dogs and love dogs but don’t feel the need to take them everywhere with them. I a, not keen on dogs in cafes and shops

People respect each other. For me it's simple. I'm a cat person, so dogs can't come to stay or visit the house because they would stress the cats and there would be merry hell.

My workaround is if they must bring the dog, the basket and blankets, food etc., can go in the gge or summer house, depending on the season.

It's a bit disingenuous to label people with allergies as anti-dog. My dh could go into anaphylaxis if he's around a dog for too long. He doesn't hate dogs, he just wants to be able to fully participate in society. I love dogs but I do think my dh and generally people should be given the priority.

Easy.

Non dog people are wrong. They need to stop whinging and see the light.

People need to become less selfish and respect each other.

to me that would mean you dont bring your dog unless its invited and if that means you wont go , fine. Don’t try and force your way onto anyone else. Accept peoples choices

it also means that the default is on a short lead

The default position is no dog. And I say that as someone who does like dogs and enjoys them being around. But they are an indulgence and shouldn’t be inflicted on anybody who doesn’t share the love.

Amen.

Even people like @aliasfrog ‘s DH? This is one of the most difficult things to over come as he obviously can’t compromise in his situation and he is being limited by the actions of some dog owners

Respect all round. Don’t force your own preferences on others.
Train your dog.
I’m not anti dog, I am anti ignorant, rude dog owners

This is one of those MN manufactured “rifts.” In real life people are generally more considerate of each other. I have a lot of friends who own dogs and they would always check before bringing a dog to my house. (Also, their houses don’t smell).

Their houses definitely smell, like

I think people need to stop seeing everything as a competition and respect that others have different preferences and priorities. I find a lot of these chats have the anti dog people getting wound up and focused on the fact that a dog is "just a pet" and their child is way more important. I don't get the need to compare. Your child is important to you, my dog is important to me.
If everyone was a bit more accepting and tolerant, we'd be in a better place.

What rift? Differing perspectives and preferences don't mean a 'rift' is in place for the majority.

I mean, I suppose all houses smell, but you knew what I meant.

We always check if we can bring the dogs. If we can’t we have to weigh up if it’s worth going as we wouldn’t leave them for longer than 4 hours. Occasionally one of us will go to something, the other will stay home.

Extreme dog people need to get a grip. If you’d rather stay home than come without your dog when invited to someone else’s home then stay away. Not rocket science.

And anyone who says they love their dog as much as a child is either a psychopath or lying. IRL nobody would save their dog from a house fire until they’d already saved the child.

I actually really like dogs and welcome them to my home, despite my cat not being keen. But they aren’t people and if I was also inviting someone with an allergy / fear then the dog couldn’t come.

The vast majority of dog people are completely normal and don’t throw a fit if they’re not allowed to bring their dog to someone else’s house.

Perhaps dog owners could properly pick up their dog crap, not having their dog pee in the same shaded spot so it never washes away and ends up stinking areas of parks and communal gardens, keep it on a lead so they can't jump and slobber over passers by and not expect to take your dog into someone elses home?

Our house definitely doesn’t smell, none of our dogs are smelly. When we had spaniels/labradors our house definitely smelt, they are very smelly breeds.

It’s causing a genuine rift in DH’s side of the family with a lot of upset on both sides

This. The two lists in the OP need to be re-titled as “Extreme dog people” and “Pro dog people”. Im pro dog, had dogs all my life. I’m firmly in the 2nd list.

The problem I think is that responsible dog owners who control their dogs, use leads in the correct places, pick up dog poo etc probably get as annoyed with irresponsible dog owners as non-dog people too. It isn’t about how much people love their dogs, it’s about everyone being respectful of others and co-existing peacefully.

This isn't about dogs and non dog people. This is about entitled people who think the world revolves around them.

I am a dog person. I dote on my current dog and give him all the spoiling and love that I used to give to my grown up kids and will one day hopefully give to my grandchildren.

But I would never dream of taking my dog with me to someone else's house except a couple of friends with dogs who I know would be OK with it. He's a dog, not a child. At the same time I would not lock him up to accommodate guests who don't like dogs - my house is a dog house and if you can't cope with that don't come. (If I had friends with allergies I would meet them elsewhere). And my personal bugbear is delivery drivers who are petrified of dogs - mine barks to tell me people are at the door, and then sits quietly by my side. I've had delivery drivers run out of the front garden and refuse to come back to the door even if I have my hand on his collar. Dogs exist - don't choose a job that will inevitably involve seeing them if you are that scared

Why don't dog owners pick up other people's dog shit? Until they start doing that they're all the same.

Dogs on leads unless you are in a designated dog walking field or space. That should sort it.

I'd like to go for a walk without some untrained animal jumping up me and ruining my clothes while the owner goes "oh he just friendly".

Well, yes, I’m sure there are people who enjoy this sort of grief in real life, but most people prefer to communicate respectfully and get along.