How old is too old?

[thehighline]

Just putting it out there to see responses…

What would be your age limit for having more kids/kids?

I am 40 next year and just don’t know….

Had mine at 33 and 38 and the second pregnancy and birth was easier. Also the baby years so far have been easier, maybe because it’s less of a shock.

I think it depends on your health. If you’re fit and healthy you’ll be OK for pregnancy, birth and the early bit…. Beyond that no one knows what the future holds at any age, so we hope for the best.

By your logic all kids shoukd be about 11 months apart as if you want more you should be trying immediately.

DS was a POORLY baby. Like 18 months in and out of hospital. It would have been beyond selfish to him and to a new baby to ttc during that. Didn't matter how many we wanted, he needed my sole attention.

I actually had the next ones just before covid, but if we'd been 12 months down the lien, I wouldn't have ttc during Covid. We were shielding ds, I wouldn't have risked Al l the extra exposure and I wouldn't have risked another period in hospital with a new baby in Covid.

If that had meant 8 years, so be it.

A child isn't obsolete because it doesn't meet some slecifix criteria for being a useful sibling.

All planned pregnancies are inherently selfish. No one is having a baby for the sake of a random egg. No one is trying to lberate the sperm and let them experience life!!

You can preach your "must have babies immediately back to back or you're not as good as me*+" but you just sounds angry and bitter at something

I think it depends on your personal circumstances and how you feel. I had my first baby at 19, last one at 29, 5 babies in 10 years! Not sure how old I would have gone to, possibly 35? I know plenty of women who've had children in their late 30s & early 40s and they're great mums, very happy. My MIL had her last at 40 and said it was the easiest pregnancy and she felt much better physically afterwards and had plenty of energy.

Absolutely hate these threads. Just a way to make older mothers feel rubbish.

Don’t worry, there are always lots of comments to ridicule younger mothers and their pathetic existences for having children young too. We all just have to grow a back bone and own our own decisions.

👏👏👏

Absolutely not my intention @Clarentine and I’m sorry if it’s made you feel like that. I actually didn’t realise how many threads there were like this on MN already! I myself would be an ‘older mum’ if I were to have another however where I am from I would still be young in comparison.

I completely agree @misstwaoyu It’s like society has this criteria that you must follow - two kids (no less, no more) 18 months apart, boy and girl, and you need to give birth between the age of 25-35 or you are too old/too young. There is such societal pressure. The comments I’ve had having only one child are unbelievable and so archaic!!

Can I also add - how on earth is it selfish to give your all to one child before deciding to split your time/energy/capacity. I presume that poster is elderly as it is such an old fashioned and quite frankly, ignorant, point of view.

Years ago, 40 would have seemed late to have a child. I think it's far more acceptable now though. One of my friends was 40 when she had her second, and I didn't question her age at all.

If you're currently healthy and generally energetic/full of life (ie not warn out in evening and tired), I wouldn't rule it out if its now or never

Admittedly, he didn't have to give birth, but my BIL is 59 and has an 11 and 8 year old. He copes really well. He works full-time, goes to gym and exercise classes, does his share if cooking and housework, regularly looks after children on his own while wife works and plans day trips, walks, cycles, plays games - he up to them having his 100% attention.

Having had children as a young a young mother and in my 40s I couldn’t agree more, the prejudice towards young mothers was/is very real while the the so called prejudice against older mothers is 99% in their mind, complaining about ridiculous things such as being offered extra scans etc due to the actual higher risk of having babies in your 40s

Completely agree, I’ve found it much easier having children in my 40s and coping with a toddler who is still up countless times a night without all the relationship, financial and practical challenges I had as a mum in her teens/20s alongside also trying to establish a career. On the flip side I don’t know how I would cope if had all that to deal with now 😅

My dd was nearly 43 when she had her third. A friend of hers had her 2nd at 45.

That’s interesting! I do actually think I would be more relaxed as a mum now, I am also in a better position, circumstantially and financially.

40+ because when your child is 20, you’d be a pensioner! Technically if you’re using your own eggs and own body without any fertility treatments your body is still fertile and not too old.

What’s wrong with being a pensioner when your child is 20?

I was late 20s/early 30s so life was stable, we owned our own house, careers were fairly well established etc. I personally wouldn’t have wanted to do teens/early 20s or 40s.
But I was lucky that life generally turned out how I ‘planned’, it could have been very different and I’d have no doubt made different choices.
Well, it turned out as planned until my youngest was born severely disabled 😏. But that could have happened at any age.

Just seems really old. My grandparents only became pensioners once I was in my 20s.

If you die at 75 and had your child at 45 then your child won’t have a parent at the age of 30. People can die at any age, but you’re more likely to die in your 70s than a younger age.

Have a kid whenever you want! People saying that over 35 is too old are being ridiculous. I personally didn’t want to be pregnant in my 40s, but I would absolutely do it if I hadn’t had kids (slightly) earlier than that.

38 {which I squeaked by the skin of my teeth 🤣).

I didn't want to be dealing with toddlers past 40.

I do get that but those generations had children so much younger. My grandparents had my mum at 18 then my mum had me at 25. We also have to remember that people are generally living longer these days. I try not to think too much about things like that, more about the now. My DH lost both parents by the time he was 36 and they had him in their mid twenties so anything can happen.

Whilst I can't answer for ChocoLuv, I think they are saying a sibling relationship when the age gap is more than eight years is just, well, not a typical sibling relationship, and a bit odd - children are at vastly different stages and won't have much in common. Especially if they are half-siblings and not raised for the most part in the same home.
IME with friends I've experience of with similar setups ,the older child is generally back to square one of life revolving around a new addition, holidays planned around the needs of the baby/toddler, when their peers are going on family trips more suitable for a nine/ten/11 year old, they are stuck in a crappy caravan holiday on the south coast because a) less money and b) baby's needs/parents want something easier now they have a baby.
It's not at all the same as a gap of 2-5 years, when the older child is still so little themselves.

I had DS at 45y2m. Not planned but an easy pregnancy, natural birth, all good. He’s 18 and waiting for a’level results now.
I split from ex due to controlling behaviour and have worked full time since ds was 2.
I’ve not found it difficult but I chose early on to increase my fitness so I was sure to keep up and ds wouldn’t miss out.
Now at 63, I run 10ks, cycle etc. Plenty of energy.

I think your body will tell you if you are too old. Mine clearly wasn’t.

Trying to eradicate Edwards syndrome is not eugenics.

I have loads of people say to me they don’t know how I manage being in my late 40s with young children but honestly I don’t really feel much different to how I did in my 20s, just less stressed mainly due to better life circumstances but also just the benefit of life experience which makes things easier. However when I hear people talk about the menopause I do worry it will hit me like a tsunami at some point 😬
I do miss having my parents, siblings and other extended family part of our lives much more as they were when my older children were little, also going through parenthood with contemporaries. However I do have my DH who is great and live in a really nice community but it does feel like it’s just us 2 running the show now, their upbringing is just up to us, just us going to the park at the weekends together as a small family rather than weekends all together with extended family, kids playing with their cousins etc. However I have friends who are also older parents but their parents are still in good health and they have siblings who had children at similar life stages so it’s not like that at all for them. Many of them also have more money too as didn’t start having children till later so plenty of money to go on fancy holidays etc too

I’ve got a range of age gaps with my children and agree that 5 years is definitely the cut off for kids having this close growing up together-play together relationship. However 2 of mine who are 9 years apart do absolutely adore each other and the older ones are all lovely towards the younger ones too