How old is too old?

[thehighline]

Just putting it out there to see responses…

What would be your age limit for having more kids/kids?

I am 40 next year and just don’t know….

We decided not to have a second so it became moot and I was done at 31. But even when we considered a second, I always wanted to be done by 35. I would have maybe stretched to 36, having the second maternity leave during first child’s Reception year. But any later than that and I’d both be older and have a bigger age gap than I’d want.

I stopped ttc for a second at 40. Never regretted it really. We would have liked two, but it would have been exhausting to have a baby older than that (for me). If I’d got prenant then I would now, in my 50s, have a 13 year old. I definitely don’t have the energy to survive another set of the teenage years now.

Plenty of people have children after 40, but I knew it wouldn’t be for me.

If it was my one and only baby then I’d have kept trying until 42 I think. As it happens my last child was born when I was 36. I’m not a fit healthy person and I think having another child would probably kill me!

I’ve recently become friends with a woman in her 60s who has a 21 year old. She says the age gap between them now impacts on their relationship more than she thought it would. She’d like to be thinking about retirement and relaxing more and having time to herself but instead she has a son living with her who can’t afford to move out.

Had my last ( of three) at 34 and don’t think I could have gone much older than that because I found the baby/ toddler stage quite challenging

I wouldn’t want to be trying past 40. I’m 34, single, severe endo and children probably aren’t in my future anyway.

In my head it’s 42. Im 43 now but completed my family when I was 35.

I agree except I think I'd lower your 8 to more like 5.

In answer to the OP, I think 35, and I say that who had my two over that age. I wish I'd have had them between 30 and 35. Wasn't to be, just didn't happen for me, but I feel a) a bit old and b) unlikely to see grandchildren, especially if my children have their children the ages I had them.

I’m 27 and just had my final baby. My cut off point would have been around 30, since I started at 20.

My limit was 30. I had my second and last at 27. it’s all relative to your situation though. For me, I wanted to have them in my 20’s and circumstances meant I could.

Naturally, any age, using fertility treatment 42 tops

Had first at 28. That wasn’t considered young then so my limit was 34-35. Max. This might have been societal/cultural though. Had a friend who had two in mid-40s.

I had my girl at 39 she’s now 21 2nd yr at uni I’m retired and can’t imagine how I got through it the first time!

35 for me.

I really think mid 30s is a sensible limit, having a teenager when you’re pushing 60 is just mental to me. I’d never choose to be an older mum, but I know if I didn’t meet someone until later in life I’m sure I would have tried no matter what my age was.

This thread shows how individual it is. My sisters had their first dc at 16 (one week off 17) and 20. It has worked out amazingly well for them. They stayed with the same men who became their dh. Had one more child each 4-6 years later. They were both home owners at 22, both have professional jobs and my youngest sister now has a dc starting Oxbridge and she’s 35. both will be early 40’s when both kids are adults.

I’ve also got a friend who had her first at 42 and she’s struggling. She’s just had to care for her dad (obviously her choice) who died recently of cancer with a young dc. I know this can happen at any age but the older you get the more likely it is that you’ll have ageing and unwell parents to deal with.

everything’s swings and roundabouts and life doesn’t always turn out the way you think it will.

I had my first at 37, second at 41.

Know several women who had [two children each] between 40-44. Hardest part wasn’t actually when they were young, but when they are teens and you are 60ish. They are great parents (both parents around the same age) but just very tired and till ferrying teens, dealing with the stress of exams/uni etc. they wouldn’t have it any other way, though, as they simply did not meet each other - ie the right person with whom to have the children - until they were older. In both cases, having a strong, stable relationship with reliable and equally committed partner has been key.

I had mine at 36 and 39, and that was late enough for me!

Had mine aged 31, 33 and final baby at 36. Dd soon to be 4 is already much much harder to chase around and the night's that she still gets up are crippling. If there was ever a thought for us to have a 4th its done now, not a chance could I do it again. In fact, through my whole last pregnancy I knew I could not be pregnant again, it was so much tougher on me physically. That said, plenty of my friends have ! Quite a personal decision on how you might cope physically I'd say, and then theres all the finances.

I'm 46 my kids are 24, 23, and 17 and I could think of anything worse than having one now. I've got my freedom to go out and go on holiday etc all the kids are financially independent its bliss (mostly).

But each ro their own...

I stopped at 40. Think about what life you want later on. I am 51 and my son is going into year 6. I will still be dealing with school till nearly sixty. X

What do you mean by pointless?

100% this. I'm 40 and imagine I could do the baby and toddler bit if I had to. But the idea of having to do the tween and teen bit in my 50s is quite awful.

I may be biased by my own experiences, where I had my all three by the time I was 25.

I would also like to know the answer to this… speaking of a mum to an 8 year old!! I certainly don’t think I’m losing my identity as she grows. I love watching her growing up and I actually ask because the last year or so has been the first time I have ever even been able to fathom a second! I was adamantly one and done. 40 was always my cut off though!! I’m not sure why, I think it is definitely something to do with being older with teenagers rather than not being able to handle a baby now - honestly I think I would be more prepared and better at the whole baby thing than I was in my early thirties.

Thank you all for your responses it is interesting to see peoples points of views.
I completely appreciate that for many people having a child later isn’t a choice, and I’m sorry if you have had a difficult journey.

I personally don’t think it’s fair to use fertility treatment to have a child past when nature would intend, for lots of reasons. However neither do I think a happily married couple should be obliged to prevent the unlikely mini miracle of baby at any age. To me they are completely different issues.

I think it’s totally up to the individual but for me personally I wouldn’t have wanted any more children after 38 maximum. But I already had 3 by then and may have felt differently if I didn’t have any.