I might not want to help .. What can I respond to "are you busy on Friday?"

[YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat]

The mum of one of my daughter's friends often texts to asks me for some help, and I'm often more than happy to. However I like to know what her request is before I answer messages like today's "Hey, are you busy on Friday?". In this particular instance I do have a bit of free time but want to be selective about what I fill that with, as it's my half day off work with the kids. What can I reply so that I can find out her request without revealing what my 'free' time is?

Calls for the classic “depends who’s asking pal.”

I waited all my niece’s young life for a fun invitation from my sister. This is as close as I got:
”Hi! Dream! Do you want to go babysitting on Friday night?”

Heavy sigh.

I would just say I'm sorry but I've plans for Friday. I learnt a long time ago that people who say this to you are not asking you because they are going to invite you to something,they are trying to catch you out by not actually saying that they want you to babysit. Therefore you end up dropping yourself in it by saying 'Friday? Oh I'm not doing anything'.

Yes, but you can just say “Oh thanks, that’s so nice of you, but I’m not going to be lonely. I’m looking forward to——“ whatever it is you were looking forward to.

Respectfully, this is silly. You’re not ‘dropping yourself in anything’ by saying you have no plans. You can just say no to requests for babysitting. You don’t need to invent elaborate fictional plans.

My sister does this all the time. Drives me up the wall!

Just thought of another one.

Friend. "What are you doing Friday?"

OP "I'm really really busy.... unless you've got a better offer?"

Until the response is 'that's a shame, I have a spare ticket for the theatre - I'll ask someone else'

If the woman has never ever invited OP to the theatre so far, she's probably not going to start doing it now 😃

Guarantee the one time she says she's busy it will be a nice surprise she is saying no to lol

Just say you are busy

To discourage this tiresome habit I'd knock it back so she's the one wondering how to reply.

'Probably xx'

Not read the replies but this is easy.

Hey, not sure at the moment - might have some plans but waiting on (friend/boss/parent/sibling/spouse/teenager) to confirm. Why what's up?

Then wait for the request - decide if you're up for it or not.

Always reply - ok cool, will chase them up and let you know ASAP.

If you want to do it - reply - all good for Friday.

If you don't - reply - sorry no can do I'm afraid.

And that is literally it.

give yourself a break and say you have stuff to do
don't feel obliged - this all feels a bit one sided

One of the many reasons why I came off Facebook was that I can't be doing with the gameplaying on there. I prioritise my time and my MH. It isn't understating, it's twatting about. If someone needs my help, I shouldn't be the one to jump through hoops to work out another adult's needs!

I think it is so funny how almost everyone on this thread accepts the “logic” that if you are free and have no plans you are not allowed to deny the incoming request 😁

you are all a bunch of wet lettuces

you can say that you are free and still not do an unpleasant task, even better, you can turn it around saying you do not appreciate being asked like that and that it is like a trap

why is everyone so meek?!

Thank you. I did mean someone very close to me actually. I do resent it because I love them but at the same time I know they are trying to spend time with me by making me feel that I can’t say no as I don’t actually have anything else ‘on’ and I think it’s poor form. They shouldn’t want to spend time with someone that actually would prefer not to see them on that day, in my opinion. That’s self awareness and I think some people are seriously lacking in that department and are so focussed on what they need that they’re willing to be in a tense situation so that they’re not bored. We’re all different but when I ask my close friends / family if they want to do something I’m very direct and make it clear that I understand if they don’t want to or are busy. This particular person does the ‘are you busy….’ I think they developed it when they realised people would sometimes say that they’re busy when they asked if they would babysit or if they wanted to get together and as much as I love them I think that’s a very unattractive trait and was very much a thought out strategy. I don’t think you should have to have solid plans or appts in order to not socialise with someone or do them a favour regardless of how bored they are or how much you love them. I’m getting better at politely refusing or suggesting better times for me without making up an elaborate lie.

In future if you don’t want to respond with Why say something like Why, what did you have in mind? If she’s after a favour she needs to say what it is before ambushing you.

What are you doing on Friday?

Not sure, what's up?

Then if it's fun, I'm in.
If not, we'll see!

🤣

"Depends what time, why?" Easy :).

If you read the question OP doesn't necessarily not want to not go, she just wants to find out what the suggestion is for Friday before committing either way....so your answer wouldn't work unfortunately

I get this all the time.
I’ve now learned to say that I’m very hungover or got a very bad stomach as it invariably involves me driving them somewhere and it’s never reciprocated.

A simple question can be answered quite simply with "Yes", or "Yes I am".

That's it.

No excuses, or explanation.

No need to divulge anything further, and since the question is also not divulging anything, it is therefore likely to be something obtuse anyway.

One thing in life is not to give any out further/unnecessary information than what is required. Especially in this instance when the question is doing exactly that!

I've learnt to respond with got plans, stuff to do, errands to run. These may simply be pickup a parcel but it's not a lie!

Oh, just the usual stuff! What are you up to?