I might not want to help .. What can I respond to "are you busy on Friday?"

[YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat]

The mum of one of my daughter's friends often texts to asks me for some help, and I'm often more than happy to. However I like to know what her request is before I answer messages like today's "Hey, are you busy on Friday?". In this particular instance I do have a bit of free time but want to be selective about what I fill that with, as it's my half day off work with the kids. What can I reply so that I can find out her request without revealing what my 'free' time is?

I would be truthful and be equally truthful about wanting/ not wanting to help. Eg I could be resting on Friday but could be persuaded to do something fun

God I hate this , it’s so rude !

She might say yes she's busy and then it was something fun she'd actually like to do. She wants to know if it's fun or a favour before committing to being available.

Rammed! You Ok?

But she doesn’t want to say she’s busy 🙄 because whether she’s free or not will depend on what the friend wants to do.

Did you even read the post?

'Whats up?'

The friend has a habit of asking the OP for help.

'More than likely'.

I would just say I have a lovely day planned with the children.

Yes, and OP specifically said she wants to know what the friend wants before deciding if she’s busy or not.

I’d go with “I’ve got a couple of things I need to get done, what’s up?” You could still fit something in if you want to, equally the whole day could be busy already…

“I’m just waiting for confirmation from someone. What did you have in mind and then I can let you know when things are finalised”

I've got something pencilled in and just waiting for confirmation if it's going ahead or not

I go for
"Why, what you offering?"

So my friend does this. Drives me insane. Was worse when she had 4 small DC & I had none. Didn't know whether it was an invite or request to have her 4 DC overnight.

I'd say I have an appointment or family thing, whats up? Have a loose excuse that can be at any time (including night) and can magically be moved if it's something I do want to do.

Otherwise I'd have always been looking after her DC so she could do the work shift she likes (didn't need to do).

Yes I’m always busy 😊

I really dislike when people do that. My mother is a master at that craic. If I want something from someone I always give a full message and let them know what I want and it’s ok if it doesn’t suit

"On and off"

Just be direct. "Hey, potentially free, but going forward, can you let me know what you're after, so a social / catch up / help with something, and give me an ETA so I can have a look at my diary and think how it ties in with anything else I'm doing that day - if I'm physically tired, or mentally drained, I might only be available for certain activities. I can't commit to anything unless I know what it is and a rough idea of timings - thanks and speak soon!".

"I don't know yet, why are you asking?"

But then, I am a direct person and never have problems saying "Nah, I don't really feel like doing that"

'Ha, depends - what did you have in mind?'

I'm happy to be clear about the fact that I don't offer up my diary for other people to fill it with unspecified things

I think this gives you the best 'get out of jail card'

You say "I'm not free this Friday sorry, why?" and then if you want to do whatever it is she's after, you can act like you'd much rather do that and you'll see if you can rearrange your plans to fit her in. You don't commit to anything up front, you don't get caught up in an elaborate lie and you come out looking like you care so much you're willing to change your plans for her. Yes it's cynical but it solves your problem.

Love this.

Yes but I can be flexible? The you can decide - if she wants you to paint the bathroom you can be too busy. If she wants to take you for tea and cake you have all the time in the world !