I might not want to help .. What can I respond to "are you busy on Friday?"

[YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat]

The mum of one of my daughter's friends often texts to asks me for some help, and I'm often more than happy to. However I like to know what her request is before I answer messages like today's "Hey, are you busy on Friday?". In this particular instance I do have a bit of free time but want to be selective about what I fill that with, as it's my half day off work with the kids. What can I reply so that I can find out her request without revealing what my 'free' time is?

have tentative plans with xyz . Will confirm later

great! Can you look after my
kid?

It's such a disingenuous question, that, because at any given moment there are a hundred things I could be doing, every hour is a compromise, I'm never just sat staring into space.

Not in front of my calendar right now, what’s up?

I'd reply with, "No, I already said I was busy.

I've already made firm plans.

If you said you needed your kid looking after in the first place, then I'd have been able to"

That would then give her a hint that maybe next time she wouldn't send such a cryptic message in the first place. .

or I just wouldn't reply, and leave their message unread if you can (I think you can see a preview of the message if you swipe down without actually opening the messaging app).

When people start pushing, then it's best just to ignore.

You've already answered their seeming passive aggressive question.

Time to be passive aggressive back and just ignore them from then on!

That would then give her a hint that maybe next time she wouldn't send such a cryptic message in the first place

that's fine if you don't care how you come across and don't value the relationship.

Time to be passive aggressive back and just ignore them from then on!

Passive aggressive and paying like for like is childish and petty.

alternatively you stop giving hints and say clearly that in future you need more information to be able to make a decision, which comes across as reasonable and fair.

The person asking in the first instance doesn't really care how they come across, and they don't value the relationship either with their cryptic question in the first place, otherwise they would ask the question properly in the first place.

If they're too stupid to see that, then behaving similarly back at them, is justified, in my opinion.

That person knows full well what they're doing.

Sorry I'm waiting in for an important phone call

Have you thought about pointing out to her that asking a question like that is a lot of people’s pet hate?

Tell her that she’s likely to get a much better response from people if she says upfront why she’s asking.

Tell her that your default when asked that question is always to say you’re not free. Point out that others probably do the same.

You can say anything you like.

I can't tell what's wrong with you. Problem being direct and asking for what you want? Be specific so I can help you.

Obviously change the tone to whatever sounds like you but can you cut the rudeness, please. Just because some of you don't stand up for yourselves or tell people what you need, doesn't mean it's a problem or that others struggle with it. Give your suggestion if you don't like this wording.

Change wording to what suits. Obviously. That's an essay to you? Okay.

Okay, I'm out. Any time someone suggests wording of anything at all, a bunch of one-sentence reading people pile on telling them they hate it. Don't use it if you don't want to or suggest your own but don't insult people for trying to help. That wasn't for you.

My sister has a habit of saying "which day aren't you working next week" or "what are you doing tomorrow" or "hi, are you at home now". I like to know what she's planning and even if I'm home I don't always want the bother of making her a cup of tea and listening to her endless problems. You're definitely not being unreasonable here as it puts you on the spot. I always say something that gives the other person a 'get out'.

I would just say 'depends, why do you ask?' and if it was something I didn't want to do I would say 'ah no won't be able to fit that in'.

I haven’t decided yet. What are you suggesting?

It baffles me at how many people struggle with this sort of thing. I wouldn’t dream of making something up.

You’re a really kind person and a great friend.

Just reply: 'Not really free - Why?'

Hey! Always busy lol what you upto?

If they do ask you to help, try Phoebe’s answer “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to”

I'd just say 'yes'. She's given you no info. You don't need to give her any.

The op wants to keep her options open though in case her friend has something planned that's she'd be happy doing.

What did you go with @YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat ?

"Not fixed yet, what did you have in mind?"