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I might not want to help .. What can I respond to "are you busy on Friday?"

252 replies

YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat · 28/07/2026 20:46

The mum of one of my daughter's friends often texts to asks me for some help, and I'm often more than happy to. However I like to know what her request is before I answer messages like today's "Hey, are you busy on Friday?". In this particular instance I do have a bit of free time but want to be selective about what I fill that with, as it's my half day off work with the kids. What can I reply so that I can find out her request without revealing what my 'free' time is?

OP posts:
Ihaveausername · 28/07/2026 23:15

Shopping for school shoes. It will take all day as usual.

Hellohelga · 28/07/2026 23:19

Awkwardisfunny · 28/07/2026 22:19

Just be direct. "Hey, potentially free, but going forward, can you let me know what you're after, so a social / catch up / help with something, and give me an ETA so I can have a look at my diary and think how it ties in with anything else I'm doing that day - if I'm physically tired, or mentally drained, I might only be available for certain activities. I can't commit to anything unless I know what it is and a rough idea of timings - thanks and speak soon!".

I can’t tell if you’re joking.

Dragonflyspeeding · 28/07/2026 23:22

Awkwardisfunny · 28/07/2026 22:19

Just be direct. "Hey, potentially free, but going forward, can you let me know what you're after, so a social / catch up / help with something, and give me an ETA so I can have a look at my diary and think how it ties in with anything else I'm doing that day - if I'm physically tired, or mentally drained, I might only be available for certain activities. I can't commit to anything unless I know what it is and a rough idea of timings - thanks and speak soon!".

Are you quite mad?

Thesheerrelief · 28/07/2026 23:25

"Have a few things on. You up to much?"

ChristinaPaigeDoesNotApprove · 28/07/2026 23:28

@YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat

"Got a few things on. What's up?"

chaosmaker · 28/07/2026 23:37

Say 'what do you want'

dreamingofgoodhair · 28/07/2026 23:44

JugBouquet · 28/07/2026 21:05

It’s like a wet lettuce competition here sometimes? ‘Yes I am’ is a complete answer.

Wet lettuce and lies.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 28/07/2026 23:50

"Why, what's up?"

Job done

Ethelspagetti · 29/07/2026 00:11

Yes just text back saying, why what’s up?

FenywHysbys · 29/07/2026 00:18

I have learnt over the years to be less forthcoming in my responses, as no good deed goes unpunished…

Friend - ‘are you busy on Friday?’
me - ‘Yes’
Friend ‘how busy?’
me ‘Why d’you ask?’
Friend <miffed silence>

😁

LejlaKapovic · 29/07/2026 00:31

"Hey, are you busy on Friday?"
"Yes I am".

Done.

IndigoBluey · 29/07/2026 00:59

I’d read it so it can be seen as read and expect them to follow up with what will be asking for a favour. Otherwise your friend would have asked her favour in the original post. So it’s sneaky. Same for people who send instant messages on Teams saying Hi? / hello how are you? Which usually always is immediately followed by a request for something. If you don’t respond they should and sometimes learn to give some context on their next attempted contact 🤭

IndigoBluey · 29/07/2026 01:02

LejlaKapovic · 29/07/2026 00:31

"Hey, are you busy on Friday?"
"Yes I am".

Done.

Yes even better. I’m going to start this

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/07/2026 01:10

OP . You are far too polite.. Been there. Done that.

Stop expecting your friend to be about to ask you something fun or wonderful.

She's constantly just asking you for free child care.

as a pp said, she's leading with the typical CF question. She's learnt that this is a good way to trick you into saying yes.. because she doesn't believe your time is as valuable as hers. And she thinks that because you yourself don't really believe your time is that valuable.. and you've been trained to think you should always do others a good turn if you can. (which is admirable with people who deserve it, but does lead to being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people who don't see it as a virtue but as a weakness and so they are often not even grateful but see you as "useful" to them. )

So the next few times she asks this just say.

Yes I am busy. and wait, wait, wait, wait
Until she spills and then say flatly "no I can't do that" (with no window dressing)
"Why?" - "Because I don't want to."

If you start giving excuses she will start picking them apart until you cave. I found saying " I can't believe you want an actual list of what I will be busy at." was very effective.
I think you could even try saying "I was just thinking how nice it would be if you were asking me that to invite me to something exciting, but turns out its always just asking me to look after your children." (Merry laugh)

You will feel guilty and rude for saying no. But you just have to do it.
She's not feeling guilty or rude for constantly asking you to look after her DC is she? And yet you wrote this thread because it was beginning to make you feel used.
You have the right to say NO. Start exercising it. Be proud of being able to do this.

I think saying no a few times will stop you being on the top of her go to list for favours and it sounds like you've already done more than enough. And then you can say the odd yes when the occasion really warrants it. Good Luck x

DysmalRadius · 29/07/2026 01:25

I always say 'I'm supposed to be seeing my mum/going on a course/doing some work, why?'

For me, it strikes the perfect balance of suggesting that there might already be uncertainty about it going ahead, but also that there is a commitment that precedes their request so you have an easy out.

I have a lovely friend who is usually very direct when asking for favours but will occasionally catch me out thinking we're hanging out when she's after some babysitting. I know it's not a deliberate attempt to blindside me, but I do err on the side of caution when replying just in case!

Cantbefucked · 29/07/2026 01:29

I guess we wont know what her friend wanted!

apeaceful2026 · 29/07/2026 01:36

"i'm free for fun things with the kids included, but I can't take on any favours this week as feeling a bit burned out."

mooshkymoo · 29/07/2026 01:49

TisEye · 28/07/2026 23:09

Reply:

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT DIANE

like that, in all caps.

love this one

caringcarer · 29/07/2026 02:08

I'd just say I have paperwork to do. If she suggests something fun you can say I suppose I could do the paperwork in evening after you get back.

MsAmerica · 29/07/2026 02:22

"Yes, I have tentative plans. Why do you ask?"

Or just "Why do you ask? What's up?"

CamillaMcCauley · 29/07/2026 02:24

Good rule of thumb for questions that you don’t want to answer is to respond with a question.

“Why, are you going to suggest a wine in the sun?”
”Why, what’s up?”
”Looks like it’s going to be a nice afternoon then, doesn’t it?”

Yes, they might notice that you’ve side-stepped but if their question has an undercurrent of CFery or overstepping then they will be forced to clarify their intentions to make headway.

parababe · 29/07/2026 04:23

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 28/07/2026 22:17

I really dislike when people do that. My mother is a master at that craic. If I want something from someone I always give a full message and let them know what I want and it’s ok if it doesn’t suit

Yup, this is also one of my bug bears, along with "Can you do me a favour?" without stating what the favour is!! Drives me up the wall!

SD1978 · 29/07/2026 04:26

I have a few things pencilled in for the day, what is it your needing help with?

LAMPS1 · 29/07/2026 05:19

Such a crazy busy week here, I can’t even think about Friday yet. Why do you ask?

onesinglepringle · 29/07/2026 05:34

Awkwardisfunny · 28/07/2026 22:19

Just be direct. "Hey, potentially free, but going forward, can you let me know what you're after, so a social / catch up / help with something, and give me an ETA so I can have a look at my diary and think how it ties in with anything else I'm doing that day - if I'm physically tired, or mentally drained, I might only be available for certain activities. I can't commit to anything unless I know what it is and a rough idea of timings - thanks and speak soon!".

Wow 😳'going forward' is such a formal turn of phrase to use with a friend. And that's an essay for a simple 'are you busy?'

I would just say something like 'Got a few things on - why?'

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