I might not want to help .. What can I respond to "are you busy on Friday?"

[YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat]

The mum of one of my daughter's friends often texts to asks me for some help, and I'm often more than happy to. However I like to know what her request is before I answer messages like today's "Hey, are you busy on Friday?". In this particular instance I do have a bit of free time but want to be selective about what I fill that with, as it's my half day off work with the kids. What can I reply so that I can find out her request without revealing what my 'free' time is?

This !!!

"White Goods delivery, haven't had a time confirmed yet.. oh -and a family errand/visit/shop/favour/airport collection/dropoff"
Why, what's happening at your end?

Almost certainly she will launch into the request anyway, as her needs will Trump your own.

At least this way, you can be available or not, depending..

Just say you're not available and shut the conversation down. Don't lie, just be direct and say you aren't available.

@YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat Go for something vague like "have some work stuff/have to help a family member with some stuff" why? That way you have a good reason to decline but can still move your fictional agenda if you so desire.

“I’ll check my diary. What were you thinking of?”

I need to check the diary, is everything ok?

You can not say this 🤣

Oh no, I have a school mum friend who always sends a 'hi Hun how you doing?' message preceding a request. I always ignore till she sends the actual request (and sometimes she doesn't at all, presumably because someone else has agreed to pick her kid up for her!)

I bloody hate when people do that, it’s deliberately shifty!

Going to ask me out for a nice lunch? No I’m not busy, love to come!

Going to ask me to look after your feral kids? Sorry, totally chocka on Friday, no can do.

Sounds like she is using you.
you don’t want to do it.
Say sorry I’ve got plans! Let me know when we can meet up for coffee / lunch / drink - you are not her child’s nanny. She is taking advantage of your good nature!

Unless you ask her for a favour too then maybe you can help. It seems like she asks you more than you ask her ?!?!?

Brilliant! The assumption that she might have something nice planned already sets her on the back foot

Someone who asks a question like that with form for looking for a favour is someone who wouldn't catch me out twice.

That is a cheeky fxxker question when it's preceeding a favour.

Use any of the excellent suggestions above.
Never leave it open.

I would always "I have a few things to do, why?".

I actually would do that with anyone, so I have an easy exit.

I had a friend who'd ask if I was busy and it took me a few times to learn my lesson. I automatically assumed it was to fix up something social and enjoyable but it was so she could use me to do something or mind her dog.

It got so bad that in the end, when she explained what she had in mind for me, I would come out with a blunt 'I don't want to' and not offer any excuse or pretence of being otherwise engaged. She doesn't keep in touch now and I can't say I'm sorry.

No need to lie, and she should be respectful by saying what she’s got in mind instead of trapping you. Just answer with something non-committal like ‘still deciding’. Force her hand into telling you what she wants.

Yeah "not sure, why do you ask" is the best answer, been stitched up a few times this way myself!

My sister and my eldest DD and I have a deal, if one of us texts "are we still going for dinner/lunch etc on X day?" then the answer is "I booked the table for...." whatever time suits!

ETA I should say that if the "are you free?" asker is offering something good then the excuse is "Are you still going to X on Friday? Mum isnt well and has cancelled"

‘Why - do you fancy a night out?’

"Depends what time, what's up?"

'what's up?'

"Tired but up for something fun - did you have anything in mind?"

Reply:

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT DIANE

like that, in all caps.

"Am exhausted, going to do something restful. What about you?"

You ask outright as is your right. Just say your plans aren't yet finalised and why do they want to know?

I have a CF mum aquaintance who pulls this shit all the time.
My stock answer is ' my dH mentioned something, but I'm not sure, why ?".

She probably thinks my DH controls my life, but it's better than running around after her.

Say, "I am a bit busy, what help did you want?", and she'll tell you.

What did she want, OP?

You know its going to be a favour so start taking control and just say ‘no can do Friday, sorry’. Then ignore.

If she doesn’t get the hint that you’ve been ‘busy’ the last few times she’s asked just say ‘no, I don’t want to’.

She won’t bother you again.