How best to support daughter and baby after a caesarean

[WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain]

If you had a c section and needed support to recover can I ask what was helpful, what pissed you off, what could whoever was staying with you in hospital have done better, what was needed after and any other advice you could give me please.

Im going to be a granny in a few months and I'm the only support person around.

I've never had a section before and I have zero experience of supporting someone after one and I am very cautious about not doing too much, taking over, or generally being annoying afterwards.

I already plan to get my baby set up all comfy with her baby and then disappear off out for an hour at a time from hospital, and make sure that they are comfy and resting at home while I get on with cleaning, cooking, washing etc.

Any advice, experience or anything else is much appreciated. I can imagine it would be quite claustrophobic needing someone around 24/7 in those early days but we dont have a lot of choice unfortunately.

Stay at the hospital - she will be left alone to fend for herself and the baby immediately post-op. She will need everything passing to her, water jugs filling, the baby being passed to her to feed and nappies changed. Remember it is her baby though. Take on the shit jobs involving bending and whatnot, and leave her to do the feeding and cuddling (especially in the first couple of hours after birth - I remain so grateful to my husband just letting me hold on to my babies without disruption until such time as I meeded to sleep after my sections). At home, again, anything that leave her in bed or on the sofa with the baby without disruption will help. So cooking, laundry, bottles, nappies etc are all on you, whilst she figures out how to navigate being a mum would be my suggwstion.

re pain meds, when I had mine 5 years ago had to stock up my own paracetamol and ibuprofen and manage at home. I was worried but it was enough pain relief but you must must keep to schedule and not let the relief wear off.

I will absolutely not forget that he or she is her baby. It's my job to look after my baby so she can look after hers. I am just lucky she's asked me to be around to help.

In all my ups and downs as a parent,and all the times I have got it wrong, her asking me to be there at her most vulnerable time to support her let's me know I've done something right at least. I couldn't be more honoured.

Argh I'm getting all soppy again 🤣

On a practical level, it was really helpful for my DH to track what pain medication I had and when, and he could just deliver my meds when I was due without me having to think about it.

similarly she’ll be given blood thinning injections. They really sting and I personally couldn’t have injected myself (I know some people are ok with this) so maybe offer to do those

As a very independant person pre child having a section completely through me!
Take ebery hour in your stride. I was so thankful for support but also resented it at the same time ( in my mind i was perfectly able but my body would not allow)

What a wonderful mum you are, my mom is currently at my house and although I have a partner I know sje will be wonderful after I am released post c section.

Things I know will be useful are doing the shopping for easy to hold snacks, organising the baby caddy, changing my bed to lovely clean sheets for our return also just being a sounding board for all the baby questions. I remember with my first many questions about if that poo looked ok or if his breathing looked normal .

Would it be a massive overstep to get her fresh new bedding and a duvet and lovely comfy pillows to come home to so her bed is all new and snuggly as a surprise?

What a lucky daughter, and what a lucky baby! So excited for you all.

A thought a little further on, depending on where she lives, is that it will probably be really helpful to book and drive her and baby to the registry office to register the birth. Also, if you are buying things now, have you got a car seat in your car to take them home from hospital? Pack a large pillow that she can put across her wound to stop the seatbelt rubbing on the way home.

I was discharged 4 days after having my baby. It would have been 3 but my partner couldn't help me get out of bed. For the first 48 hours I didn't sleep because I'd have flash backs to my operation. I removed my dressing myself. If no one does it prior to discharge draw around any blood stains on the dressing so you know if the wound has reopened. Make use of the wheelchairs in the hospital, this includes if she goes in to labour. If you are going to be attending the section have a chat about whether you stay with her or go with the baby if they need to be sent to the NICU.

What a gorgeous thread this is. My MIL came after my first baby was born - also via c-section. She cooked, cleaned, did all the laundry and brought me cups of tea. She was an absolute godsend! She also baked me a cake which was lovely - I came home from the hospital to it.

Given that your Dd is on her own, I think waking with her - just popping your head round the door and offering a cup of tea and a snack - and then changing a nappy, being there if she wants company, is a beautiful offer.

Keep a schedule of her pain meds, stay on top as the pain can be bad if it slips. Be around to help with the blood thinning injections, wash her surgical stockings (buy a spare pair!) and also be there for health visitor visits.

She may very well want you to give her some space, and I think being ready to pop out for walks or having a book etc you can slip away to read may be great, but she might also feel super vulnerable (I did) and not really want to be left totally alone. So I guess just being prepared to be a bit flexible is a great thing if possible.

You sound like a lovely mum, I hope I can be there for my kids in a similar way if they have children. Best of luck - please keep us posted!

This! And offer to take the baby so she can nap? Although she may not want to part with her/him!

I wish I'd had this support. In laws allover baby like a rash, me not so much. Wish I'd told them to piss off.

Assuming you're close just ask your DD? But if it's her first she won't know perhaps until it happens.

Very much this! And be decisive with those horrible injections, poor DH was so worried about hurting me that he hurt me a lot trying to "gently" inject (i.e. poke me for ages before it got through the skin). Sometimes they sting like buggery and other times I barely felt anything, but overall they are hideous!

You sound so lovely and thoughtful OP.

Why isn't it the job of medical staff to administer injections?

Does she have to have injections afterwards?

How many days for?

And how long will she need to wear stockings for?

I had no idea.

I really don't want dd to feel like she's just been an incubator for my grandchild, I know that feeling all too well, I adore her pre grandchild and after grandchild won't be any different.

My whole purpose in this is to support her and give her great memories to look back on in this period of time with her child.

Just to add that i recovered quickly and well but still couldn't lift/push a hoover around for several weeks so just bear that in mind and bending/stretching feels odd and is not advised. Even getting out of bed is tricky, you can't use your stomach muscles at all really.

As someone whose mum used to expect tea and biscuits brought to her while she held my babies, this has made me so sad for myself, and so happy for your daughter. If only we could all have a mum like you <3

I'm sorry 💐

Although we aren't quite there yet, and if I am speaking on a purely selfish level for a moment, having had experiences like you after I had my babies, its healing something in me to be the person I needed for my dd.

I really hope you get to be the person you needed for your dc too, and I hope it helps heal something in your heart as well.

Don't forget she won't be able to drive for a while. Depending on where she lives, that would be ould be isolating. She will have appointments in the first 6 weeks that she may need help getting to and from.

Please encorage her out for a short walk daily after the first 5 days. She needs to be used to leaving the house with the baby and it will help her recovery.

You sound so wonderful and caring.

I would have liked some proper home cooked meals. My mum came to visit after my c section and she did buy fish and chips, which was kind of her but I’m really funny about eating take aways so that wasn’t really what I wanted. (Everyone who knows me knows this.) Then she just left the dirty plates next to the dishwasher and said that can go in the dishwasher when you next put it on. To be fair the dishwasher was on at the time but she could have just washed a few bits up or when the dishwasher finished re load it. So all the mess was left to me.

So it was very kind that she came to see me but I don’t feel it cut down my workload.

So meals are the way forward I think. I also didn’t want people holding the baby all the time. That was what I wanted to be doing. So I would ask. Say I want to be helpful. Shall I hoover round or is there something you would prefer me to do?
Then she might say hold the baby whilst I have a shower or she might just let you get on with a bit of cleaning/ tidying. Best to ask though because although I would love someone to clean my house other people may not like it and may take offence.

My MIL came and stayed two weeks after I had a really rough birth. She cooked all the meals, cleaned the house and allowed me to just be with the baby. She was a godsend.

What a lovely mum you are.
for my first, it was help in the night that was the most useful. My parents came over and took it in shifts holding the baby whilst my partner and i slept. They would wake me up when it was time to feed. That’s if she gets a baby that won’t be put down!!

I found recovery itself to be pretty pain free. However I wish someone had told me to spend more time with my feet up in bed with baby just feeding and snoozing more. I was up and about too much which put pressure on my scar, it kept bleeding and took longer to heal than if id taken it easier for the first 2 weeks. Just encourage her to get rest, take care of some chores, food prep and give encouragement on feeding. Just carrying around baby and holding them during the day will helpful in itself.

Cook her many freezereals. When my DD had first dogs I went to stay for 1 week but whilst there as well as cooking dinner each night I also cooked 2 quiche, a big batch of Bolognese sauce, a large shepherd's pie, and a large fish pie for her freezer and also left her 24 cup cakes in case she had visitors come to see the new baby.

When myDD1 received CS, she was in hospital a week due to baby in nicu. She found the food awful nothing fresh eg salad or nice veg, very stodgy and small portions. Every visitor took a nice sandwich and yogurt or cereal and fruit, something nice to eat in the night if she was up with baby. The staff didn't always remember to leave her food if she was in nicu, she had no option but to go backwards forwards every two hours as she wanted to bf initially so was tired and needed fresh clothes bringing as she was in longer than expected.. And help was gratefully received so I am sure you will be appreciated 🙂