How best to support daughter and baby after a caesarean

[WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain]

If you had a c section and needed support to recover can I ask what was helpful, what pissed you off, what could whoever was staying with you in hospital have done better, what was needed after and any other advice you could give me please.

Im going to be a granny in a few months and I'm the only support person around.

I've never had a section before and I have zero experience of supporting someone after one and I am very cautious about not doing too much, taking over, or generally being annoying afterwards.

I already plan to get my baby set up all comfy with her baby and then disappear off out for an hour at a time from hospital, and make sure that they are comfy and resting at home while I get on with cleaning, cooking, washing etc.

Any advice, experience or anything else is much appreciated. I can imagine it would be quite claustrophobic needing someone around 24/7 in those early days but we dont have a lot of choice unfortunately.

Is it her first? Does she have a partner? I recently helped my daughter and these things are important re how you can be of use.

Just ask her, don't assume anything and don't go on anyone else's advice. We are all totally different.

I loved having a constant stream of visitors for the first 1 weeks (bug family) and showing off my baby, but I know that's some people's worst nightmare.

No partner and its her first baby. There will only be me and her siblings for support in the first few weeks.

Definitely cooking, cleaning, changing bed sheets, making sure her nappy caddy etc is stocked, and she has a drink and snack in reach.

making sure she feels comfortable to ask you to leave at any point and no offence will be taken, even if she previously said you could stay all day for example, then asks you to leave after an hour as it’s overwhelming.

continuing to help after the newborn stage!

There won't be lots of visitors, and she won't want that at all anyway.

She doesnt really know herself yet how the operation will be. So im just trying to get some ideas really.

I just want to be useful without being overbearing.

I think you will be a huge help for her for the first couple of days. I have had two and the first 2-3 days are really quite painful, even if you can just do small things like pass her the baby in bed as I found getting up from laying down the worst pain.
I would also recommend taking some peppermint tea bags to hospital as with my first I had the worst trapped wind which is a common side effect, honestly that was worse than the c section pain!
Otherwise I think really it's just having someone there to help with the day to day bits so she doesn't have to move too much at first and by day 4 she should feel a lot less sore and might be up for small walks etc. what I will say is make sure she takes it really easy and doesn't do to much for the full 6 weeks like the Drs advise as even though you can feel great one day you can easily overdo it.

I have had two emcs and didn't need any help with recovery. I was discharged from the hospital the following day and fine to do most things. However, I massively appreciated MIL taking away laundry and doing it for us (brought back ironed and folded) and my Mum filled the freezer and came and did some housework in the first couple of weeks. Both MIL and my Mum did this for all of their children, regardless of mode of delivery.

Congratulations on becoming a grandmother. I wish your DD a happy and healthy transition to motherhood.

She won’t be able to do much lifting for the first month or so, or hoovering. But hopefully she will recover well, I did after c section for twin birth. Just follow her lead, keep the place tidy, on top of chores, nice healthy food and snacks. I hope you all enjoy your new arrival x

Unfortunately I will have to stay until shes healed a bit, she lives some distance away and has no support there.

I do plan to be out of the way a lot, but i dont know how long it takes to recover and be able to deal with baby entirely alone after a section.

I've planned for 2 weeks as a maximum, but will leave sooner if she's fine. Ill play that bit by ear.

My plan is to do all the hard and tedious stuff so she can soak up that time with her baby and do nothing but cuddle baby all day if thats what she wants.

What a lucky daughter you have!!

In the hospital I was really grateful for food/snacks/drinks. Can’t do much immediately afterwards as you have a catheter in and can’t feel your legs.

Once at home I’d suggest offering to do a chunk of the night shift. She might want to do a lot of it herself which is totally understandable but you could maybe offer to do like 1-4am so she can get a good stretch of sleep, and then if you’re sleeping before/after this time she also gets some time to herself with the baby.

Someone to hold the baby while I showered / had a bath. DD1 just screamed at me from her bouncy chair in the bathroom it was ridiculously stressful 😅

Nappies etc all set up downstairs so I didn't have to go upstairs

Cooking / laundry / cleaning obviously 😊 and yes easy meals in the freezer.

I've planned to be there for 2 weeks then we were going to visit a couple of times a week for the next few weeks. Should I maybe plan to be there for longer.

Great tip about the tea, I'll add that to the list. Thanks.

Recovery can be painful, so try to make sure the hospital give codeine tablets to take home with her. With these things the advice is to be very on top of taking pain relief for the first 5+ days to keep pain at bay. Still, even with the pain relief things like getting out of bed can be very painful and she'll need to be able to call out to someone to help her if she needs to. So I'd make plans to stay at hers for the first week or so so you can physically help her if she needs it, but try to stay out of the way to give her space if she'd rather be alone.

The first few nights with a crying baby are going to be intense as it's her first baby and doesn't have a partner to bring baby to her, so plan on being available at night too, giving her baby to calm, changing nappies, helping her arrange herself to either breast or bottle feed.

To that end, make sure you are very comfortable sterilising, washing, drying and making up bottles, or the same with a pump if she chooses to pump. Same also for knowing how the car seat works and having it installed, etc.

And then yes also to the cleaning etc - here I'd lean on the siblings to make food at theirs and bring it round in disposable trays to minimise cleaning in situ.

And hire a cleaner if she doesn't already have one.

She's very lucky to have you, you'll be great 👍

You sound lovely @WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain . She’s lucky to have you, and you’ll be an amazing grandma x

What a kind and thoughtful mum!

I had a c section. In the hospital after birth, I found the midwives are so busy. So I needed an advocate and also someone to help me care for the baby. For example, I needed someone to help lift the baby from the cot to me, and to change the nappies. I also needed someone to bring me food and water. I found the midwives didn’t have time for that kind of care.

At home, I needed someone to make sure I had food and water, but in a low pressure way. My mum came and cooked dinner which was kind, but she expected me to come downstairs and eat a sit down meal with her. That wasn’t easy. Things like Cook ready meals were brilliant. I appreciated the laundry and cleaning my mum did.

Generally, I wanted to be left to parent my baby. So I didn’t want offers to take the baby out or to give the baby a bottle, especially so early and especially as I was trying to breastfeed. But everyone is different, so I would follow your daughter’s lead on this.

Congratulations on your new grandchild!

I think this is lovely. Having had a c-section, I think that as you say she will have very little other support, you should plan to stay for the full two weeks - as long as she’s happy with that. Even when I had my first child who was born naturally, I was still needing a lot of help and support after a couple of weeks. With my second, who was born by c section, this was even more so, as there was the added pain and mobility difficulties.

I think you’ll be a huge help in the many ways already suggested: cooking, cleaning, shopping, helping care for the baby, taking the baby for a few hours so your daughter can rest. Plus driving your daughter around, once she feels ready to leave the house, as she won’t be able to drive. There’ll be other things too, that you probably won’t predict until they’re needed eg I was so sore and mobility limited for the first couple of days after returning home that I didn’t feel safe carrying the baby up and down stairs (I needed to use both hands to support myself) so any time the baby needed to come up or down with me, I needed help carrying her.

One thing that I haven’t seen mentioned: will you be sleeping in the same room as her and baby for the first few nights home? As I found it extremely difficult to sit up and reach for the baby every time she needed feeding. My husband had to help me by passing me the baby once I’d sat myself up. So that might be helpful.

I think you've got the right idea - prioritise keeping her comfy with baby close and you keep everything ticking over in the house, bringing drinks and food, and she may want you to change nappies at first too. Another poster's suggestion of helping at night is also worth bearing in mind - or holding the baby in the day for your daughter to have a shower and/or nap. Mine didn't last long in a cot but would sleep on anyone when she was tiny.

When I had my C-section I was still in a lot of pain and couldn't walk very far by the time I left hospital - I had to stay in for a week. Everyone's recovery time is different and every baby is different, so I think the main thing is just to be guided by what your daughter wants, as it sounds like you will be.

How far away are you? If it’s her first baby and she has no partner she may need a lot of support for at least the first month, then depending on how her baby is sleeping maybe more. Is there anyone close to her who can pop in to help for a few months, let her nap sometimes or take baby in the night for a couple of hours?

I’ve had 3 sections. What helped was my mum the second time (she was rubbish the first time! But she had a surgery in between so finally understood the pain of surgery more).

emptying the bathroom bin for me which was full of bloody pads (embarrassing but so helpful!) I couldn’t lift things and open the outside bin etc.

hoovering.

putting a wash on for me. This was almost daily as I went through so many nightclothes from baby sick, breast milk and sweat. Also lots of black pants to wash from blood. Again gross but something I would do for someone I care about.

changing bed sheets - this is more often than usual it needed doing every 4 days or so due to the sick milk and sweat

cooking

nappy changes.

I appreciated having relatives actually staying. I've done it both ways (visiting each day, and staying with me). I actually found it more stifling having the "visitors" as it felt more like I had to entertain them, iyswim? Even though they were equally kind and helpful.

My favourite model was having them stay with me, take the baby for an early morning shift (say 5-7/8am) and bustle about putting some laundry on etc, then leave me set up in the living room with a thermos and some biscuits for a good chunk of the day while they went out.

Thanks for all of the advice 💐

I bought her a perfect prep machine to make it easier for her to do bottles in the night, and a next to me crib as well as i thought that may be better. She's very independent so will hate relying on anyone, but I'll be in the room next door and will wake with them even if I'm not needed.

I've also got a shelf unit toy storage thing which can have nappies and wipes and stuff high up in it to save her bending down until shes feeling able as well.

I will be there but I also want to enable her to do everything she wants as easily as possible.

I jsut remember people trying to take over when I had my kids and never want her to feel that way even though she will need help initially.

I really hope I'll be a good granny, but I mainly want to support her to be the amazing Mum I know she will be.

You sound really supportive. Cooking, cleaning, holding the baby whilst your daughter has a nap. Getting up from lying down is painful so help passing her the baby. Also take her a pillow to hold over her wound in the car on the way back from hospital too - helps absorb the bumps in the road!

She will likely want the support more than she realises. Keeping her stocked up on pain meds too would be helpful. Moral support more than anything else and an realisation that it’s a major operation and hormones everywhere too. Enjoy being a grandma!

You sound lovely, congrats! I've had two sections. Helpful things:

General tidying and keeping on top of things around the house
Keeping a schedule of pain relief, it is important to take the prescribed pain relief on a schedule for the first few days rather than waiting to see if there is pain
Snacks and water and good TV company!
Only you know how responsive your daughter will be to help but I very much appreciated handing baby over to someone for a couple of hours after a feed to sleep/shower extra. My first baby would only sleep on my chest so I also appreciated someone there supervising that so I could snooze too, something to suggest to her if she's feeling very tired!

I had a good experience in the days following my c-section. I was holding my baby and feeding my baby most of the time, but baby was passed to me/lifted from me when needed. I didn't have to get up and get anything - I can't remember if I changed nappies or if this was done for me in the very early days but if I did change them everything would have been passed to me when I asked. I was passed food and drink - I was spoiled and felt cared for.

So if I was to offer advice it would be to support your daughter to hold and feed her child as much as she wants even if that is nearly all the time - allowing them to bond and be happy to just do support tasks, passing what's needed and keeping your daughter fed and watered.

My roughest time was struggling with breastfeeding and super sore nipples (I can't remember the timeline of this now) but I got through it with a mix of nipple shields and pumping and giving bottles.

One memory I have is walking to the loo in the hospital (only just outside my cubicle curtain really) and being told I didn't need my dressing gown that I was looking for and wanting to put on. That "nobody was bothered " I was bothered - I didn't want to walk around in my big pants, bent over (with a drain attached to me I think) so help your daughter maintain her dignity if that's what she wants.

I wouldn't say from my perspective you should go out much (as mentioned in your OP) obviously yes if your daughter asks you to but she may find it reassuring to have you within calling distance to help her. If you can create a calm atmosphere where you are around in the background and she can ask for help then that will be perfect in my opinion. What a kind mum you are to give this such thought.

You are doing the right thing and will be amazingly helpful because you are thinking of her not yourself. That said from my experience things of a planned c section these are things that would have or did help:

Big knickers. Old fashioned granny pants. Not at all sexy but easier on the scar.
More food than you expect to want in hospital.
The biggest water bottle ever.
Company when awake in the middle of the night.
Not having to do too much housework.
Being driven around

That said I was up and around 24hours later and going out to meet friends 48 hours. So listen and adapt to the situation as it develops.