How best to support daughter and baby after a caesarean

[WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain]

If you had a c section and needed support to recover can I ask what was helpful, what pissed you off, what could whoever was staying with you in hospital have done better, what was needed after and any other advice you could give me please.

Im going to be a granny in a few months and I'm the only support person around.

I've never had a section before and I have zero experience of supporting someone after one and I am very cautious about not doing too much, taking over, or generally being annoying afterwards.

I already plan to get my baby set up all comfy with her baby and then disappear off out for an hour at a time from hospital, and make sure that they are comfy and resting at home while I get on with cleaning, cooking, washing etc.

Any advice, experience or anything else is much appreciated. I can imagine it would be quite claustrophobic needing someone around 24/7 in those early days but we dont have a lot of choice unfortunately.

Thank you all.

This is so helpful.

I remember after I had my babies everyone wanted to hold them and I was left making drinks and doing all the housework and cooking etc, so I dont want that to be her experience.

Obviously if she wants me to hold my grandbaby I'll do it in a flash, but I really dont want her feeling like I'm taking over. She will be moving back closer to me 3 months after the baby is born for family support, but she's stuck where she is for now. It's not stupidly far, about 100 miles, so I will do day trips and I know her older siblings will too, plus we can stay over if need be as well.

Shes in a one bed flat currently, so not ideal, but I've looked at where to get her food while she is in hospital, and nearby shops and parks I can bugger off to for short periods of time before checking back in and sodding off again if she wants so Im all sorted that way, and before I leave I'll do a batch cook and fill her freezer with easy to make food as well.

I had such a shit time of it after my babies I want her to have the best experience possible.

Agree beforehand that she will be honest and open about what she wants and you will listen and try to do that. You won’t be hurt if she needs space or offended if she asks you to clean the bathroom bin or to leave the baby to her. There’s no space for pussyfooting about trying to guess what the mother needs and perhaps getting it wrong. She may not know herself what she’s going to need so keep good clear communication.

You sound amazing and I’m sure she will always remember how you made her first weeks as a new mum comfortable and safe.

You sound wonderful.

I had my mum after each birth and every time she planned to stay a fortnight and it was longer!

I loved having her, and I know I was super fortunate.

Less of an issue for you, but my mum would make herself scare in the evenings when DH came home, so that she didn't get under his feet. But I found the adult company and support wonderful with a tiny baby and the need for several pairs of hands more than I had.

Make sure she takes stool softeners for the first week, at least til after first poo.

You sound like a dream.

The most unhelpful thing my mum said was “what? You haven’t even been out for a walk yet?”About 7 days after my emergency C-section. I was still trying to get to grips with the trauma of the birth and having my life turned upside down by a new baby. But it doesn’t sound like you will be making any unhelpful remarks like that. She also felt like she “didn’t want to impose” but it went so far the other way I barely saw her. (She made up for it with my second though and is generally a really lovely mum).

I think what you plan to do sounds lovely. Take the burden of the household tasks away so she can bond with her baby. I think the most important thing is making sure she is fed and comfortable so that she can relax with the newborn and make sure she has a constant supply of snacks and water next to her whilst she is feeding.

I recommend loads and loads of food. easy to grab and eat, available everywhere in the house! not just meals but also small, tasty snacky things… I had no appetite or inclination to feed myself after mine, was so focused on baby

Oh yes and don't say anything along the lines of "you didn't even have to give birth."

It's major surgery.

Also, hormones will talk, so leave your sensitivity at the door!

Goodness she’s not going to be an invalid! I’ve had two and the second one was a bit complicated but I was still up and about within a couple days. My DH was home but to be frank what could he do other than cook and clean up after.
I wouldn’t want anyone hovering about trying to be useful. That’s just me (even my DH made himself scarce most of the day working from home after the initial period of visitors). But babies are boring and it’s nice to have company and do the usual chores so I’m sure she’ll greatly appreciate you. But I don’t think you need to do anything that you haven’t mentioned!

I'm currently sending her all of her favourite things to eat through an online shop weekly 🤣 I will absolutely make sure she is fed and looked after once baby arrives too.

I'll also make sure all her favourite snacks are packed in a hospital bag too nearer the time, and I know where all the best takeaways near the hospital are now as well.

You sound like such a lovely caring mother. I have had two sections . I was out of hospital after a few days and looking after a toddler and newborn . No paternity leave in those days. The second my mother came to look after my middle child. She was no help to me whatsoever and actively undermined me. I was glad when she went the day after my discharge from hospital.

Cooking meals, tidying the house, doing lifting and carrying are all so useful . Make her a cup of tea and just be there for moral support. Hold the baby to give her a break for a while. That will be greatly appreciated.

She will be fed in hospital though. You aren't actually staying with her in her hospital ward surely?

Unless she's a single mum, it will probably be her partner that she wants-only saying this as a lot of new mums feel stifled, and I'd let her decide with him (or her of course, not assuming!) what they want.
Everyone is different-some people are moving about very quickly, especially when it's elective. They say emergency ones are generally more problematic (midwife said). The people I know who got infections said it took longer, and it's worth reading the advice to reduce the chances of that.
Offering to clean/take round food usually goes down well for everyone!

Tena pants are great for c sections instead of maternity pads, they have very soft elastic and are high waisted so avoid the scar area. As PP said, some peppermint tea for the trapped wind, Pukka do a delicious peppermint and liquorice one. Also those first few days and nights, its really tough going from lying to sitting or sitting to standing so you may need to keep an ear out during the night in case she needs you to pass her the baby. She might find a snugglebundl useful for lifting baby as it means you don't need to bend so much.
Oh and make sure she uses a stool in the shower for the first few times. Your stomach muscles have been sliced through and I nearly tipped over backwards when I reached up to wash my hair.
What would have been nice too would be a flask or 2 of icy water by the bed and some healthy snacks on hand if she is intending to breastfeed. Its thirsty work and suddenly you're ravenous too which isn't great if you can't sort yourself out at 2am

What a lovely mum getting so organised.

It might be worth investing in a breastfeeding pillow, whether she intends to breastfeed or not. I found it really helpful when holding baby for long times because it stopped baby putting pressure on my wound.

Also get her set up with all the essentials nearby - big water bottle, a long charging cable for her phone, snacks etc. The fewer times she needs to get up and down the better.

Hope it all goes well for you both.

I think just help in the normal way you would help when someone has a baby. Cooking, cleaning, taking it out for a walk so mum has a break etc... I was encouraged to get up and walk around pretty quickly after my c-section. You feel sore for a good while but you can do stuff. You do need to remember to keep taking the pain killers though.

Washing and cleaning

You sound amazing. I would have appreciated someone to help me in hospital with sterilizing bottles, changing nappies, bringing me food etc. Dh could only visit a few minutes each day so I had to struggle with everything on my own which was really hard.

At home it was easier as I had DH to help but I found it really frustrating when I couldn't do stuff like empty the bins, dishwasher etc.

If finances allow, I wonder if it might be an idea to book a night in a local hotel for about night 8 to give her the confidence that she can do an overnight herself. You could leave at 10pm and be back at 6am - or earlier if she was struggling for some reason - and that will be less of a cliff edge than when you go home.
What support are you going to have? If you’re helping with the overnights then it will be tiring for you if you’re up every couple of hours (or more frequently) to pass the baby, do the nappy changes and then provide food, do the washing etc during the day. We had the grandparents coming to stay in shifts after DC1 was born and I looked after DC1, DH looked after me and grandparents did the house and generally helped out.

I helped my sister after she had a c section, and I would say make sure to take care of yourself too. I took the baby from about 5am to let the parents rest, and during the day I did all the housework, brought meals in bed, and tried to fill the freezer too, but I've got insomnia so I was living off a couple of hours sleep per night and overdid it and ended up with cystitis after just 1 week so I wasn't much use after that!!
Perhaps leave the freezer filling till the 2nd week when she might not need so much help and can manage through the night by herself.

She is a single Mum and I will be staying with her in hospital as a support person after her section. She will be likely to have her own room.

Ive already got her a bunch of pillows and things for her being pregnant, including a breastfeeding one. But she currently doesn’t think she will be able to breastfeed for various reasons, but she's seeing a consultant next week so will know more then.

Stool in the shower is very helpful.

How long do they give painkillers for after birth?

A few weeks after, rather than someone holding the baby to let me get on with certain chores (washing bottles, or anything baby related) - I would have loved them to have offered to do those jobs for me whilst I stayed and cuddled the baby instead. It’s exhausting and I would have really appreciated a break from having to do those sorts of things

Thats a great idea. I'll see how it goes and stay nearby for the night when she's getting around better. There's a hotel quite nearby so I could be back in 10 minutes through the night if need be.

I'll be totally fine. Menopausal so I dont sleep anyway 🤣

No C-Section advice as I’ve never had one myself but you sound like such a lovely Mum! I wish even one person had thought about my needs and being helpful after I’d given birth.
Your daughter and grandchild are very lucky to have you.

so nice of you to do this for your daughter.

so many great suggestions but some to add are

to help her get home from hospital take a few trips back and forth to load the car and then you to carry the baby in the car seat while she walks out. And very very slowly. And she doesn’t have to get out the way of others, even if she looks young as that is a long painful walk

I recovered really quickly from c section, had had a childbirth injury before and found that much much harder. I did need help in the first few days to get up and to sit up in a deep sofa, tied a cord on the bed to pull up etc.

and then I found it really useful to track baby feeds, sleeps, nappies etc in an app, alway knew where I was, so maybe suggest that.

and for me I tracked when I had meds, showered, changed pads and even ate and drank. You can get so sleep deprived and baby focussed it makes it easy to forget.