Rich friend pretending to be poor

[iThinkYouAreWonderful]

My friend pretends to be poor when she is in fact quite wealthy. She pretends in very little, subtle ways. She talks about the all the things she can't afford, to distract from all the things she can. She has a similar level of income to me, but keeps going on and on about my "expensive house", as if its something she can't afford (her house is a similar size, just slightly less done-up). My guess is that it makes her feel like one of the people, but it drives me up the wall. How can I stop being irritated by her and just let her "do her"?

@SapphireOpal Limit when you go out! One every 2 weeks is £8 max. Limit to one coffee. That really won’t make any difference to insuring your car! Hopefully it’s not a Ferrari!

I was answering the PP's question about what if I'd run out of entertainment spends, I don't need help budgeting for coffee thanks 😂 My point was that I can't "afford to go for coffee" if the only way to do that is to use my car insurance savings to pay for it! 😂

I've got a friend who is similar. She's not poor by any stretch of the imagination. She's just not rich. Both her and her husband have well paid jobs and a recent inheritance of around £200k. She constantly says things that suggests she's poor and then goes to Malta the week after. It's frustrating.

You also need to have a certain income to be able to do that!
I don’t spend £ on things I don’t need, but appear not to be rich. Dang.

God that sounds like my ex father in law. He’s 87.. His wife died 2 years ago leaning him £350k and for tax purposes he will have similar. He lives in a £650k house which is going to wrack and ruin because he refuses to pay for any help. He tells everyone how poor his is. These people end up old and lonely with just their huge bank accounts for company. “There’s no pockets in a shroud”

Sorry but you obviously dont know how budgeting works

If your social money runs out week three, you stay home so you arent robbing from food budget or rent/mortgage/bills budgets

So you may still have loads in those budgets, but then you put left overs in savings, or the next month extend social/ entertaining budget until it all balances

To be honest I'm an adult who's well able to manage my finances and live within my means. I don't need to put my money in little piles in order to do this. I don't need to say to my friends that I can't afford to meet them because my entertainment money is all gone and all the remaining money is in my stocks and shares pile. I value friendships more than budgeting methods.

I guess it's more of a natural ability to me and I don't have to go to the lengths that some of you people do to manage.

I am very financially aware but I certainly couldn't manage my finances without properly budgeting like this. Otherwise what do you do in months when a big bill comes in like insurances, or how do you pay for Christmas?

I don't earn enough money to just afford those when they come in. How do you pay them? It's not a case of squirrelling thousands into stocks and shares every month - it's that if I don't have that £300 or whatever that I've saved up throughout the year for the home insurance I'll then not have enough money to buy food the month the payment comes out. Or if I don't save through the year I'll only be able to afford birthday presents for one of my DC as they're both born the same month.

Sure there is some flex, but I wouldn't take money that I need for something important just to socialise.

Unless you only have about 2 regular outgoings to keep track of, not having to be arsed to properly budget your money is an incredibly privileged position to be in.

crikey, that's more condescending then I ever thought my reply was

For so many people, money is tight, for so many of us, that's how it has to be - bills first and foremost, insurances, travel and being able to work next, what's left - savings and spending

And yes I do say I have £100 a month spending for myself - be that a cinema ticket or a round in the pub , or a frock, spend more and then Im nipping into other budgets where there's not a lot of wriggle

not all of us are earning loads of money were an over spend in a month won't cause waves

Well lucky you for having a large enough financial buffer such that a big car bill, a broken washing machine or all your children needing new shoes within a 2 week period means that you still have enough to always be able to spend money on the fun stuff.
My friends understand and respect that many of us simply do not have much left over each month, or have had to take a job that doesn't pay for all the outgoings so you're dipping into savings each month until you can get a better job.

I could do two big car journeys within 2 weeks to attend a party and a family gathering. I've had to decline one because money is tight. I think that's the reality for more people than not.
Natural ability - my arse.

OP isn't coming back to update. I think s/he just wants ideas for a story.

Thanks for all the context. To be fair she isn't stingy. She just makes comments to seem less wealthy. I think it must be what people have suggested- it's to appear modest, so she doesn't get a hard time. She does have friends less wealthy than her, so like someone said, maybe it's just a habit now, and she forgets she doesn't need to be like that with me. Anyway, thanks for all the comments. It's given me a think and I will be more understanding.