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Toddler refusing bath and shower

139 replies

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 10:21

Posting on behalf of DB and SIL. They’ve got a 2.5 year old (3 in October) who for the past 2 months has been refusing a bath or shower, even with them or his elder DB. He screams the place down when in the bath shower so they usually have to sponge or flannel him down. Same with his hair.

No one has done anything to him in a bath/shower. Just come out of nowhere. He liked baths and showers before. The only place they can think of is nursery but they don’t have baths or showers just outside water play.

He loves his sink with tap that pours water, loves filling his cup and washing his hands in a water fountain. But runs away from and refuses the paddling pool. Won’t go near public swimming pools (which he liked before). He likes usual things like playing with water bottles things that go in water. I got him some green bubble bath and coloured kids shower mousse but not worked, his favourite bath time octopus squeezy toy and spinning shark bath toy are still played with but strictly out of the bath.

Any ideas? Why has he suddenly got like this? They’re at their wits end over this but obviously trying not to make it into a big thing. His older brother is 8 but would never make him scared of the bathroom.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 07/07/2026 10:28

Well it’s going to be hard to sort if they’ve been letting him decide he can refuse to have a bath or shower.

Most go through phases like this, DC2 never wanted to get in the bath, he was put in anyway, then he never wanted to get out. He still whines when he gets his hair rinsed, but he doesn’t get a choice; hair needs washed.

Bath bombs, a yoghurt pouch, taking toys in were all bribes used
at various times, but not every time

2dogsandabudgie · 07/07/2026 10:29

Is it the water going down the plug hole? The noise? Does he think he's going to get sucked down it?

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/07/2026 10:31

All my friends experience this to some extent periodically.

My son can usually be "fixed" by me joining him in the bath for a few days - if that hasn't worked and he's generally worried about water, then maybe a bit more of an "immersive" solution is needed - spend a weekend doing some positive water play, no pressure but lots of opportunities and positive reinforcement? High fives, allowed to splash other people, water guns, star chart etc.

I would actually say that a few days break from trying might help too, so he drops the mental guard against bathtime.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

PinkNailPolish2026 · 07/07/2026 10:32

Baths and showers were non negotiable in our house. All of mine went through this but they got put in the bath anyway, it didn’t last long once they realised they were going in regardless and enjoyed it in the end playing with lots of water toys.

endofthelinefinally · 07/07/2026 10:33

It is a really common phase. The most common reason I have come across is fear of going down the plug hole. Then they get a little bit older and realise they wouldn't fit. Sponge washes are fine, you can gradually make the sponge wetter and squeeze a bit of water over them. The less drama the better. Toddlers are irrational little creatures.

HowManyHints · 07/07/2026 10:34

And they comply with this, do they?

Dear oh dear!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:13

endofthelinefinally · 07/07/2026 10:33

It is a really common phase. The most common reason I have come across is fear of going down the plug hole. Then they get a little bit older and realise they wouldn't fit. Sponge washes are fine, you can gradually make the sponge wetter and squeeze a bit of water over them. The less drama the better. Toddlers are irrational little creatures.

Phew that’s a relief! As I said it’s not all water. Maybe I should see if getting him to turn on bath taps or shower himself works…he’s very independent.

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/07/2026 11:14

endofthelinefinally · 07/07/2026 10:33

It is a really common phase. The most common reason I have come across is fear of going down the plug hole. Then they get a little bit older and realise they wouldn't fit. Sponge washes are fine, you can gradually make the sponge wetter and squeeze a bit of water over them. The less drama the better. Toddlers are irrational little creatures.

Interesting - I hated interailing train toilets for this reason. And my son likes to put in the plug himself.

Nice to see this thread has attracted the usual contingent of self-satisfied people who have no constructive advice except to brag about how they treated baths as non-negotiable.

Even if it was phrased as "we found that it worked to just put ours in and after a few days they forgot they didn't like it it would be less twatty than all the pantomime of "oh DEAR, we just MADE OUR TODDLER DO IT, how WEAK AND AWFUL you are for not just blithely FORCING them to do it".

I don't know why people are so eager to sound like twats, I really don't. It doesn't take more time to give advice kindly.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:14

HowManyHints · 07/07/2026 10:34

And they comply with this, do they?

Dear oh dear!

The thing is they can’t force him. I mean right now he’s in the shower getting sponged down but he screams the house down too which isn’t fun for him or them.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:17

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/07/2026 11:14

Interesting - I hated interailing train toilets for this reason. And my son likes to put in the plug himself.

Nice to see this thread has attracted the usual contingent of self-satisfied people who have no constructive advice except to brag about how they treated baths as non-negotiable.

Even if it was phrased as "we found that it worked to just put ours in and after a few days they forgot they didn't like it it would be less twatty than all the pantomime of "oh DEAR, we just MADE OUR TODDLER DO IT, how WEAK AND AWFUL you are for not just blithely FORCING them to do it".

I don't know why people are so eager to sound like twats, I really don't. It doesn't take more time to give advice kindly.

Everyone’s parenting is different. My SIL is more gentle whereas my DB is firmer. But it’s no fun having a stressful bath or shower which might stress him out even more. I mean it’s irrational to us but it’s perfectly rational to him.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:19

2dogsandabudgie · 07/07/2026 10:29

Is it the water going down the plug hole? The noise? Does he think he's going to get sucked down it?

No idea!

OP posts:
gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:23

Both mine went through this phase, we tried a variety of things but ultimately they grew out of it. While they were in full refusal phase we just bathed them less - it really wasn't something I could have screwed myself up to do every day.

Do they take him swimming?

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:25

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/07/2026 11:14

Interesting - I hated interailing train toilets for this reason. And my son likes to put in the plug himself.

Nice to see this thread has attracted the usual contingent of self-satisfied people who have no constructive advice except to brag about how they treated baths as non-negotiable.

Even if it was phrased as "we found that it worked to just put ours in and after a few days they forgot they didn't like it it would be less twatty than all the pantomime of "oh DEAR, we just MADE OUR TODDLER DO IT, how WEAK AND AWFUL you are for not just blithely FORCING them to do it".

I don't know why people are so eager to sound like twats, I really don't. It doesn't take more time to give advice kindly.

"oh DEAR, we just MADE OUR TODDLER DO IT, how WEAK AND AWFUL you are for not just blithely FORCING them to do it".

😂

sesquipedalian · 07/07/2026 11:31

OP, have they tried putting him in the bath with his toys and no water in it for a few days? Then ask him if he wants to turn on a tap, or try putting half an inch of water in the bottom. Or let him play with his boats in the bath, so that the bath becomes a “fun” thing, then see if you can persuade him in with his boats. There will be a reason why he’s taken against baths and showers - unfortunately, it’s not so easy to find out what it is!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:32

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:25

"oh DEAR, we just MADE OUR TODDLER DO IT, how WEAK AND AWFUL you are for not just blithely FORCING them to do it".

😂

In DB’s household evenings can be stressful enough as it is without aiding a toddler bath battle into the mix. Is it any wonder DB bought Bombay Sapphire last week?!

OP posts:
gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:35

These phases feel horrendous at the time but reassure them that he will grow out of it.

Bath him once a week when they are feeling brave enough and give him a wipe down in between if possible.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:37

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:35

These phases feel horrendous at the time but reassure them that he will grow out of it.

Bath him once a week when they are feeling brave enough and give him a wipe down in between if possible.

Will do. Doesn’t help they know no other toddlers whose parents they can compare notes with. Anyone else they’ve asked has had angelic water babies who love bath time.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:42

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:23

Both mine went through this phase, we tried a variety of things but ultimately they grew out of it. While they were in full refusal phase we just bathed them less - it really wasn't something I could have screwed myself up to do every day.

Do they take him swimming?

Edited

Thanks for this. No he won’t go swimming at the moment. Having said that there are splash parks nearby that he might like, they’ve not tried that yet.

OP posts:
TheLongRider · 07/07/2026 11:43

I got mine a doll that could be washed, while her "baby" was having her bath she was washed at the same time. Sometimes role play helped, sometimes you just had to put up with the screaming!

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:44

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:42

Thanks for this. No he won’t go swimming at the moment. Having said that there are splash parks nearby that he might like, they’ve not tried that yet.

a splash park is a great idea - especially given we are about to have a few very hot days again.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:44

sesquipedalian · 07/07/2026 11:31

OP, have they tried putting him in the bath with his toys and no water in it for a few days? Then ask him if he wants to turn on a tap, or try putting half an inch of water in the bottom. Or let him play with his boats in the bath, so that the bath becomes a “fun” thing, then see if you can persuade him in with his boats. There will be a reason why he’s taken against baths and showers - unfortunately, it’s not so easy to find out what it is!

No not tried that but will suggest to them, thanks.

Doesn’t help that his speech although generally good he sometimes doesn’t get things across properly, so you end up guessing what he’s saying.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:45

TheLongRider · 07/07/2026 11:43

I got mine a doll that could be washed, while her "baby" was having her bath she was washed at the same time. Sometimes role play helped, sometimes you just had to put up with the screaming!

They tried that. Fine with doll not so fine with him!

OP posts:
OutOfApricots · 07/07/2026 11:47

2dogsandabudgie · 07/07/2026 10:29

Is it the water going down the plug hole? The noise? Does he think he's going to get sucked down it?

That was my first thought too.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:47

gotmyselfintoapickle · 07/07/2026 11:44

a splash park is a great idea - especially given we are about to have a few very hot days again.

I might go too (what am I thinking?!). He will either love it or hate it but hopefully seeing kids his age having fun splashing around will encourage him to join in too.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:47

OutOfApricots · 07/07/2026 11:47

That was my first thought too.

I’ll get them to ask him that. I don’t think it’s that though.

OP posts: