Toddler refusing bath and shower

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

Posting on behalf of DB and SIL. They’ve got a 2.5 year old (3 in October) who for the past 2 months has been refusing a bath or shower, even with them or his elder DB. He screams the place down when in the bath shower so they usually have to sponge or flannel him down. Same with his hair.

No one has done anything to him in a bath/shower. Just come out of nowhere. He liked baths and showers before. The only place they can think of is nursery but they don’t have baths or showers just outside water play.

He loves his sink with tap that pours water, loves filling his cup and washing his hands in a water fountain. But runs away from and refuses the paddling pool. Won’t go near public swimming pools (which he liked before). He likes usual things like playing with water bottles things that go in water. I got him some green bubble bath and coloured kids shower mousse but not worked, his favourite bath time octopus squeezy toy and spinning shark bath toy are still played with but strictly out of the bath.

Any ideas? Why has he suddenly got like this? They’re at their wits end over this but obviously trying not to make it into a big thing. His older brother is 8 but would never make him scared of the bathroom.

Are you in London? I sampled a few in the last heat wave so can give recommendations 😂

Toddlers do get stressed out by things and they are irrational. But he still has to be made to do it anyway. You can't just stop doing things because he's going to throw an almighty tantrum. Let him have the tantrum and get massively stressed out by it. Some things you just have to do for their benefit whether they like it or not.

We are actually Bromley Beckenham. There’s one in Bexley, Danson park which looks good. But if you’ve got any recs let me know please.

My DD2 hated baths or showers for ages. She’d refuse to get in and then refuse to get out. We put up with the screaming, tried to make baths fun or just as quick as possible. She (nearly 6yo) still says now that she doesn’t want a bath so we give DS (2yo) a bath and DD2 then gets in with him every time. She’ll willingly have a shower without fuss.

The issue is that they have let him refuse. Our DD2 had to be clean so she could kick off but it was happening anyway. Miserable for everyone involved but she was clean.

Yes but now this has become a battle of wills and he just refuses a bath or shower. It’s a bit unkind to force him don’t you think?

Well he is in the shower being sponged down but hates it and won’t have a proper bath or shower. Even if me or my mum try it at our houses it’s a big fat no from him.

It feels unkind in the moment and the child definitely thinks it’s unkind but it’s for his benefit in the long run. As parents, we have to do things that our DC don’t want to do because it helps them and they don’t understand that yet.

Well if you happen to go into town, Somerset House is amazing! It's not a splash park per se but lots of fountains in the courtyard and lots of kids playing in them.

The Diana Memorial Fountain in Hyde Park is also great fun.

My DD2 used to scream no at us and kick off. It’s really hard to battle with them but it does get better. Lots of praise and cuddles afterwards. Maybe a reward chart for having a bath/shower.

But how long do you keep trying? It’s been 2 months now.

It might be less the actual bath itself, and more not liking being undressed and the sensation of water on his body iyswim, especially as he seems ok with water play. Maybe they could try one of those hooded towel things that he can be wearing in the actual bath and then use it as a flannel whilst it’s on him once they’ve wet it by pouring water in it? And let him choose the towel afterwards, be it soft and fluffy or crispy and hard. It might be a sensory issue from that- I can’t bear drying myself with soft towels, it literally feels like it’s sticking to my skin and smearing the water around me even though logically I know it’s not. Nice crispy towels just seem to absorb the water faster, and is much more comfortable for me. Could be worth a try?

No, it’s not unkind to make your child wash and be clean, just like it’s not unkind to force them to brush their teeth or take their medicine. They may scream and tantrum and kick up a fuss but none of that means you stop.

No.

I will suggest any of these ideas to them as I said they’re at their wits end.

Both of ours did this. Amazon sells bath colour changing tabs cheap. We got those to play with in the water. If the water on head is an issue we got something called a water pik shower head attachment. It’s like a wand, it’s designed for washing dogs (like my cowardly one) and it’s been used heavily by both my children. You can change the water flow and direct it away from heads etc. it’s a 10/10 purchase for us.

Mine absolutely loved their bath and the shower. Both went through a phase of absolutely refusing, screaming like they're being murdered, launching themselves out of the bath etc. very difficult. I definitely bathed them less and mainly did quick sponge baths for a bit. It's improved for now. I don't know why. They're still toddlers so I'm sure we'll have another bath refusal stage at some point. Can definitely sympathize with your DB and SIL. No advice but lots of sympathy.

We have a bath buddy like a big shelf for the side of the bath we use it to make potions in with bath bombs all sorts. Failing that it's the paddling pool outside or spray hose water bombs just get inventive and have fun. These stages pass and there's no point everyone getting stressed. I certainly wouldn't be forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to.

It took a while. With my DD, we had to reframe it. Getting creative helped. A mixture of fun new bath toys and colour changing bubble bath helped. Getting her at the right time when she wasn’t tired or hungry also helped.

Do they have a garden?
Put a baby bath or small paddling pool outside, a bit of bubble bath and let him “play” out there. Mum or dad can give him a quick wipe over.

Being clean is essential so I think they just have to put up with five minutes of screaming.

I think I would go down the route of ' not allowing' him to get in the bath/ shower. Just continue washing him down as has been the way so far. Preferably while big brother is having a rare old time in the bath by himself.
In my experience they come round pretty quickly to ask to do the thing they were so against before.
Toddlers eh 🤷

It is most definitely not unkind to force your child to have a bath or shower!! Crikey. Some things are not a choice and they have to insist that he does it. It will take patience as he tantrums but it will get better as soon as he learns he has no choice. My child is very strong willed and it's the only way. Insisting doesn't mean USING force by the way. He just doesn't get to do literally anything else interesting until he has complied.

Yes they can

Two adults are stronger than one toddler.

There are a lot of boundaries your child will cry about. As a parent; you need to show them that it doesn’t make a difference. The boundary is set. That’s what makes them feel safe and know who they are as they grow up.

Tears, tantrums all of it are completely normal. Just put him in the bath and wash him even if he’s screaming. He’ll get used to it eventually just like every other child in the history of the human race has :

It’s totally normal, lots of toddlers go through it, I can remember it with ds. I used to shower or bath with him through that phase, yes some big screaming (we had to explain to the neighbours 😁), but he’d needed washing! We also went through it with hand dryers (another very common one!). It’s a phase they just need to persevere.