Toddler refusing bath and shower

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

Posting on behalf of DB and SIL. They’ve got a 2.5 year old (3 in October) who for the past 2 months has been refusing a bath or shower, even with them or his elder DB. He screams the place down when in the bath shower so they usually have to sponge or flannel him down. Same with his hair.

No one has done anything to him in a bath/shower. Just come out of nowhere. He liked baths and showers before. The only place they can think of is nursery but they don’t have baths or showers just outside water play.

He loves his sink with tap that pours water, loves filling his cup and washing his hands in a water fountain. But runs away from and refuses the paddling pool. Won’t go near public swimming pools (which he liked before). He likes usual things like playing with water bottles things that go in water. I got him some green bubble bath and coloured kids shower mousse but not worked, his favourite bath time octopus squeezy toy and spinning shark bath toy are still played with but strictly out of the bath.

Any ideas? Why has he suddenly got like this? They’re at their wits end over this but obviously trying not to make it into a big thing. His older brother is 8 but would never make him scared of the bathroom.

They don't leave him dirty! He is sponged down in the bath.

Terrible typo, too late to edit: Bettelheim.

Oh wow, mine goes through stages like this all the time but it’s just non negotiable for us. We will usually have a few days on the trot of him crying/ screaming but we stay calm and try to make it fun then he gets over it. At this age they are constantly pushing boundaries so id be worried if I let him get away with not having a bath once he would just throw a tantrum every time, thinking it would get the same result!

They can. Literally. He is 2.5 not 22. Hardly like he can over power them. Get washed. Thats it. House rules.

maybe. Little blighter.

Thank you! Good ideas. Like I say not my kid.

She does wash her child though. And he’s good about eating (even though he’s fussy) he’ll use a knife and fork, sit at table, spread eg hummus on bread by himself. He’s quite independent. He’s a doddle in a sense as he’ll actually play with his cars by himself in the corner of a room for ages and enjoys this, leaving his parents to chat to others over a meal. He’s fine with being dressed and likes to try to put on clothes and shoes himself. He “helps” to wash up. And to water the garden, he carries a huge heavy watering can around with him in the garden. And uses his toy housework mop, broom, dustpan to help clean up. Always puts his toys away without asking.

I don't think this is a good idea. It's a form of negotiation: 'You don't like the bath? Never mind. Let's see what you think about the sink and pretending you're a milk jug.' There are plenty of ways to make the bath in the bathroom fun.

Baths were non-negotiable in our home. Absolutely no-one said before you posted that anyone was weak, you’re making that up. Also no-one was self satisfied, people gave their advice of how they dealt with the situation. You’re the one sounding like a twat, maybe read the replies before yours without embellishing the facts of what posters have written and I never seen anything posted that wasn’t kind either. But you crack on reading things people have posted that weren’t actually said.

My eldest did this although at a slightly younger age. We found he would tolerate being in an empty bath with us washing him with flannels. Then being in an empty bath with the tap running. Then with the plug in until there was barely half an inch of water. And then a bit more water. And over a few weeks we just gradually built our way back up to normal bath time again. Never did figure out what the issue was!

This is a good idea.

Little update for you all. This morning they let him (with their help obvs) turn on the bath taps, fill the bath (safely with correct temperature water obvs) and put the plug in (one of those ones you turn) and add some green bath bubbles. He then got in and was in there for 20 mins with no screaming and allowed himself to be washed. So that’s progress.

Have they tried sitting/standing him in an empty bath while giving him a sponge wash? If he tolerates that without a fuss add an inch or two of water to the bath and use that to wash him. Like others have said toddlers go through phases that seem irrational to us adults but it is often about them learning body autonomy (same with fussy eating) so forcing him won't help.

That is good news! Well done nephew, well done parents.

His mum texted me on her way to work. She was so pleased!

They have yes. He doesn’t like the running shower or the bath when it’s being filled or is full.

But as I said before progress this morning. I think he liked the fact that he was in control (to a degree) and that he was preparing (with help) his own bath. He then happily washed his long squeezy octopus with tentacles and played with his boats and spinning shark bath toy. He even apparently dried the octopus afterwards with a towel (his own towel for the toy octopus) and tried to put baby body lotion on him!

We are still going to the big splash park at the weekend. Something fun. 🤩

I bet. It's always a relief when something you thought might become a massive problem shows signs of improving.

Mine went through a phase like this out of the blue at a similar age. I think it’s quite common. I reckon it’s to do with their developing awareness of dangers, doesn’t have to have been prompted by a negative experience. Bathing with one of us solved it for ours but if that’s not working I’d probably just play in the bath with no water for a while, maybe not even at bedtime, fully clothed. Then they could gradually introduce water play in a bowl inside the bath then a bit of water in the bottom of the bath etc as well. If he won’t even get into a dry bath maybe one of them could play in the bath with him outside it. Fun is key and lowering the pressure. Also worth looking into bath bombs that change the colour of the water, bath crayons etc for a different experience. If it’s any comfort my child, now 13, is currently showering 3 times a day! 😂 It will probably be a phase. Flannel wash won’t hurt for a while.

As others are said it’s a common phase, I’d suggest making the baths more about fun than actual washing, hot wheels have some great bath products that either change colour or are slime , there’s slime, colour drops for potions, the foam shower gel. I ended up with hot wheels track and cars on our bath, kitchen whisks, measuring cups, colour changing bubble baths, anything that made it a game.

I would literally power through the screaming. You can wash a screaming toddler hair included in less than 3 minutes. Ask me how I know. 🤣

I don’t think giving in o screaming is the way forward. They need a wash. It’s grim not to have a proper wash.

My daughter went through this around the same age. For her, it turned out to be anxiety based - she was scared of the new extraction fan we had fitted in the bathroom. She didn't say anything and it took us a few weeks to figure it out.
It sounds silly, but once we identified the problem, it was easy to fix it. Could it be something like this for him?

They can and need to force him to shower.

It's basic hygiene, and as parents, they are responsible.

He isn't in charge. They are.

It could be but nothing new is in the bathroom.

He has lots of bath toys, bath chalk, a baby shark singing toy and other things. Plastic crocodile goes into the water too. It’s definitely been fun in the past. Just not so much since he’s been refusing it.