Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Toddler refusing bath and shower

139 replies

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 10:21

Posting on behalf of DB and SIL. They’ve got a 2.5 year old (3 in October) who for the past 2 months has been refusing a bath or shower, even with them or his elder DB. He screams the place down when in the bath shower so they usually have to sponge or flannel him down. Same with his hair.

No one has done anything to him in a bath/shower. Just come out of nowhere. He liked baths and showers before. The only place they can think of is nursery but they don’t have baths or showers just outside water play.

He loves his sink with tap that pours water, loves filling his cup and washing his hands in a water fountain. But runs away from and refuses the paddling pool. Won’t go near public swimming pools (which he liked before). He likes usual things like playing with water bottles things that go in water. I got him some green bubble bath and coloured kids shower mousse but not worked, his favourite bath time octopus squeezy toy and spinning shark bath toy are still played with but strictly out of the bath.

Any ideas? Why has he suddenly got like this? They’re at their wits end over this but obviously trying not to make it into a big thing. His older brother is 8 but would never make him scared of the bathroom.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 16:57

IdaGlossop · 08/07/2026 12:54

I bet. It's always a relief when something you thought might become a massive problem shows signs of improving.

I mean it’s only one morning and mornings are busy in their house but she was relieved there was no “no Bath mummy”, no screaming the place down and actually getting involved in washing and putting lotion on his toy octopus! He’s a very independent little chap and really likes to do things himself. Bless him.

The other week when I picked him up from nursery and the clasp to lock him into his pushchair didn’t work (it’s a very tricky beast, the clasp) I pushed him along just sitting not strapped in for a few minutes (very quiet street and road) and he asked me to secure it, so I was patient and did it for him. But he knows it has to be secured!

OP posts:
LaliqueSaltGrinder · 08/07/2026 17:03

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 11:14

The thing is they can’t force him. I mean right now he’s in the shower getting sponged down but he screams the house down too which isn’t fun for him or them.

Well they can force him, whether or not that's rthe right course of action is another matter.

And he screams - so what? This toddler terrorist is dictating to his parents what happens and that's fine when it's a question of playing in the garden or gonig to the park, but not when it's having a shower. It's a non-negotiable part of the daily routine.

Nochoiceofuser · 08/07/2026 20:16

LaliqueSaltGrinder · 08/07/2026 17:03

Well they can force him, whether or not that's rthe right course of action is another matter.

And he screams - so what? This toddler terrorist is dictating to his parents what happens and that's fine when it's a question of playing in the garden or gonig to the park, but not when it's having a shower. It's a non-negotiable part of the daily routine.

Wow 😲 so a young child is worried/upset about something that he can't explain so reacts in a way that is quite common and normal and suddenly they're a 'toddler terrorist'. Secondly baths/showers aren't essential every day (washing yes but it sounds like he had no problems with getting a wash) both my children had excema and if I bathed them every day ended up with dry itchy skin (even with lotions)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

PurpleSlime · 08/07/2026 20:17

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 16:50

It could be but nothing new is in the bathroom.

It doesn't necessarily have to be something new, it could be something he just recently noticed. I'm glad they made some progress.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 22:15

PurpleSlime · 08/07/2026 20:17

It doesn't necessarily have to be something new, it could be something he just recently noticed. I'm glad they made some progress.

That’s true. He does have sharp little eyes.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 22:18

Nochoiceofuser · 08/07/2026 20:16

Wow 😲 so a young child is worried/upset about something that he can't explain so reacts in a way that is quite common and normal and suddenly they're a 'toddler terrorist'. Secondly baths/showers aren't essential every day (washing yes but it sounds like he had no problems with getting a wash) both my children had excema and if I bathed them every day ended up with dry itchy skin (even with lotions)

I agree with you. Forcing him imo is more likely to instil a fear of baths, showers and so on which they don’t want. Gently coaxing him is far better. He’s coming to stay at my mum’s house Saturday night and helping her wash her dog in her jacuzzi bath which he says he’s looking forward to. She has another bath in her en-suite with no bubbles if he prefers that.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 22:23

LaliqueSaltGrinder · 08/07/2026 17:03

Well they can force him, whether or not that's rthe right course of action is another matter.

And he screams - so what? This toddler terrorist is dictating to his parents what happens and that's fine when it's a question of playing in the garden or gonig to the park, but not when it's having a shower. It's a non-negotiable part of the daily routine.

He isn’t being forced no matter what some are advocating here. He’s not a toddler terrorist either he’s just a young child with limited vocabulary who’s finding his way in the world. His nursery workers all adore him as do a lot of other children in his nursery. He’s a very sweet, affectionate, clever, perceptive, outgoing and charming toddler with long blond hair and blue eyes, a rugby player childishly chubby build with a very sweet face.

OP posts:
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/07/2026 07:03

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/07/2026 22:23

He isn’t being forced no matter what some are advocating here. He’s not a toddler terrorist either he’s just a young child with limited vocabulary who’s finding his way in the world. His nursery workers all adore him as do a lot of other children in his nursery. He’s a very sweet, affectionate, clever, perceptive, outgoing and charming toddler with long blond hair and blue eyes, a rugby player childishly chubby build with a very sweet face.

Best ignore posters like that.

I actually feel quite sad for parents who give advice like "they just scream but you need to do it".

With a little bit of swapping tips and ideas from people on this thread, your nephew has had a nice bath with no screaming!

I don't consider myself a gentle parent - an authoritative one. I'm quite clear that things like teeth or baths are not a thing we can choose. But my son is also a human being who's learning, and if I can work out a way for him to be comfortable with that, it's well worth the effort. And as a bonus, I don't have to have the screaming?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/07/2026 10:39

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/07/2026 07:03

Best ignore posters like that.

I actually feel quite sad for parents who give advice like "they just scream but you need to do it".

With a little bit of swapping tips and ideas from people on this thread, your nephew has had a nice bath with no screaming!

I don't consider myself a gentle parent - an authoritative one. I'm quite clear that things like teeth or baths are not a thing we can choose. But my son is also a human being who's learning, and if I can work out a way for him to be comfortable with that, it's well worth the effort. And as a bonus, I don't have to have the screaming?

Thanks for that. My SIL is less of a gentle parent now I think. But quite rightly she can’t stand screaming tantrums. We were sitting with my older nephew (8) and he said he didn’t have screaming tantrums and his mum put him right on that, said one once lasted a whole 2-3 car journey home! With no means of escape.

I do appreciate the advice here and have shown my DB and SIL this thread so now it’s up to them to take on the advice.

Another update. His hair needed washing this morning so shower or jug it was. He turned on the shower with his mum helping him, picked up the heavy shower head to direct the water on his hair, then added shampoo and with help from his mum rinsed his hair. And had a shower afterwards. He really likes this blue shower mousse foam I got him. He also washed a doll at the same time including her hair. So it’s typical toddler independence.

They did ask him last night apparently why he was scared of the bath, paddling pool, swimming pool, shower and he said “it’s big”, that’s all he would say on it. So maybe he’s suddenly scared of a large space of water (large to him). They reassured him it was safe and not to worry and it wasn’t that big really.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/07/2026 10:45

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/07/2026 07:03

Best ignore posters like that.

I actually feel quite sad for parents who give advice like "they just scream but you need to do it".

With a little bit of swapping tips and ideas from people on this thread, your nephew has had a nice bath with no screaming!

I don't consider myself a gentle parent - an authoritative one. I'm quite clear that things like teeth or baths are not a thing we can choose. But my son is also a human being who's learning, and if I can work out a way for him to be comfortable with that, it's well worth the effort. And as a bonus, I don't have to have the screaming?

Human being who’s learning! Exactly that! He’s not a monster trapped in a toddler’s body.

He has likes and dislikes, opinions, emotions and of course is learning every day. He’s not perfect but we all aren’t! He surprises his parents every day with the new things he’s learning and more vocabulary. Nursery say he’s a bright little boy, likes learning and is a typical toddler. He’s being potty trained too soon.

OP posts:
CandidLurker · 09/07/2026 11:18

Me and my siblings were discussing this the other day. Hair washing was on a Sunday in our house and once as a small child I hid for hours because I really didn’t want to have my hair washed. I hated getting soap in my eyes.

If he doesn’t like it maybe promise to make it as quick as possible and bribe him with a treat for afterwards?

AntiHop · 09/07/2026 11:21

My eldest went through a similar phase. Bath crayons fixed it. She was happy to get in the bath with the crayons.

Highlandschmiland · 10/07/2026 06:09

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/07/2026 10:21

Posting on behalf of DB and SIL. They’ve got a 2.5 year old (3 in October) who for the past 2 months has been refusing a bath or shower, even with them or his elder DB. He screams the place down when in the bath shower so they usually have to sponge or flannel him down. Same with his hair.

No one has done anything to him in a bath/shower. Just come out of nowhere. He liked baths and showers before. The only place they can think of is nursery but they don’t have baths or showers just outside water play.

He loves his sink with tap that pours water, loves filling his cup and washing his hands in a water fountain. But runs away from and refuses the paddling pool. Won’t go near public swimming pools (which he liked before). He likes usual things like playing with water bottles things that go in water. I got him some green bubble bath and coloured kids shower mousse but not worked, his favourite bath time octopus squeezy toy and spinning shark bath toy are still played with but strictly out of the bath.

Any ideas? Why has he suddenly got like this? They’re at their wits end over this but obviously trying not to make it into a big thing. His older brother is 8 but would never make him scared of the bathroom.

Could they bath him in the sink or is he too big? I used to let mine play water in the kitchen sink but stick a bar of solid soap in and they would chase the ‘slippy soap’ around and try to catch it while getting clean. Or bath at nana’s? Anything at nana’s is always better 😂

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/07/2026 17:47

Highlandschmiland · 10/07/2026 06:09

Could they bath him in the sink or is he too big? I used to let mine play water in the kitchen sink but stick a bar of solid soap in and they would chase the ‘slippy soap’ around and try to catch it while getting clean. Or bath at nana’s? Anything at nana’s is always better 😂

He could be bathed in the kitchen sink but he’s quite large.

Tomorrow he’s going to nana’s (my mum’s house) and helping her bathe her standard dachshund and hopefully after that will have a bath too. If dog can have fun in the bath why can’t he?! Dog is very good with being bathed, doesn’t get it done much but doesn’t panic and try to get out, quite a placid creature.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page