Single dad struggling with benefits, baby milk and where to get help

[MyLivelySquid]

I’ve recently became a single dad and as much as I hate to admit it I’m struggling, my son is 2 months old and I feel like I’m failing him. All my benefits have messed up due to going on to a single claim, does anyone know how to get help as I’m low on baby milk and I’ve no food in the house, I don’t care about me eating or not it’s my son that’s main priority! I went to the shops only to see if I could hide anything in his pram but I just couldn’t bring myself to potentially get into trouble and I’m terrified to ring social services in case they take my son, any advice is greatly appreciated

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

do you and baby have food today?

This.

I don’t think an 8 week old will have an established enough feeding schedule to be sure that it won’t run out by morning, and I wouldn’t want to have to rely on hope to feed a tiny baby until office hours plus however long it takes to get help after everything opens.

This hits home.
We moved for my husband, I was deeply deeply unhappy but he wouldn't let us move back as he said he wanted to be in his hometown. I'm trapped here for the kids, I was so depressed and probably still am. Whenever I voice my feelings, he says I'm free to go wherever I want but I obviously won't leave the kids so me being able to go is just an illusion.
OP, don't be my husband, care for your wife.
Sometimes I think that once the kids are older, if they leave this place, I'll leave alongside them since I highly doubt my husband has ever loved me other than for the first couple years of our relationship.
I just feel so sad for your wife who's so unwell and she can't even have her baby with her. Did you tell her that if she leaves she can't take the baby?

For all we know the OP said she could go but couldn't take their child and she's made a seemingly impossible choice. I thought it was quite telling he's skimmed over it with such dismissive language.

Maybe he skimmed over it because it’s not his story to tell? She’s told him she can’t cope at the moment. Whether there’s more to it on her side, we don’t know, and it wouldn’t be appropriate for the OP to go into any more detail than the information he holds. He’s not come on here wanting advice for his wife, as she is with people who can provide that. He’s on here to get help for himself because he doesn’t have the same benefit of a support network.

unfortunately food banks are an unreliable
source for infant milk but local authorities all have emergency pathways to access funds for infant feeding in an emergency. Please call
social services and ask for help - this is the approved pathway for emergency milk supply. Tomorrow please call your health visitor/0-19 service to explore your options.

(I’m a children’s doctor who specialises in child feeding.)

Look up Discretionary Assistance Fund on your local council website.

health visitor/CAB to check you’re getting benefits you’re entitled to. For example have you claimed child benefit?

No. Imagine if the situation was reversed? Would you advise a woman to follow a partner who had run back to their parents?
Struggling with PND or not, she's abandoned her child. She can't be trusted and there might be ulterior motives (might have left for another partner).

The OP would be better advised to move close to his own support network. The woman can come back or not. She can't be relied upon and quite frankly if she needed space,not giving her that is likely to come across the wrong way.

Why isn't maternal grandmother helping her grandchild and daughter? Think you have missed some info out here

This.
It is totally plausible that she wasn't allowed to take the baby and is currently in a very dark place. If she had made the choice to leave without the baby, things must've been extremely bad.
The OP should be where she is now, with the baby. Hopefully his partner feels better soon but she'll never be able to get over the days and weeks she's lost with the baby.

If you need extra milk for today then consider buying a bottle of ready made formula. It’s less cost effective but requires you to have less money in your pocket right now and will see you through till tomorrow when you should hopefully be able to access more resources.

But we don't know she isn't helping.
It is possible she wasn't allowed to take the baby and is looking for ways to do it.
I was looking into moving to a different place a few months post partum when things were really bad and legally, my husband could've sued me. Considering his parents wanted lots of control over DC, I think they would've encouraged him to sue me. And this was within the same country.

So I don't think we know enough of that's going on to be judging the mum.

OP I’ve read your posts but not all 7 pages of the thread.

Social Care will not remove your child because you’re broke. In some limited circumstances they can provide you with emergency resources and refer you on for assistance. Emergency social care might be contactable today if you ring. You not asking for help when you need it is what will cause problems, not the opposite

Look at church food banks. Some do not require a referral and will provide free basics

Google for “emergency food banks near x” where you live and follow up each one

As previous posters have suggested, contact the CAB tomorrow but be aware that they are now often overwhelmed with people needing help and are no longer open every day.

You should still have a health visitor so please contact him or her and update on your circumstances

Best wishes

Get in touch with homestart. They support families with children under 5 with volunteers but will also get you any referrals you might need.

Have you got a HV? Do social services know about your circumstances? Not in a 'get you in trouble' way, but for support. It also sounds like baby's mum needs some serious support as well, as people have said, for a woman to up and leave her newborn there must be something very very wrong.

No. They're just doing their job.

That's all fine, but a lot of posters have asked about the option of contacting your child's grandparents and his mother? Surely that would be the first option. There will be other stores open later than 4pm today, where you could get formula if a family member can send you the funds?

Whereabouts in Wales are you op, just the rough area?

If your partner didn’t claim the surestart maternity grant then she has till the baby is 6 months old to do it and it could provide you with an extra £500 https://www.gov.uk/sure-start-maternity-grant/how-to-claim

It sounds like it’s possible that, with moving, you may have been lost to health follow up. Have you informed your GP and health visitor of the move and registered in your new area?

This is vital for your partner to get the support it sounds like they need and for you to get support with such a young baby. It is not usual for such a young baby to not have access to their mother so it is urgent that you make sure that healthcare are aware. Babys and mums usually have a 6-8week review. Has this been done?

There is lots of support, that is accessed through healthcare with GPs and health visitors, that you would be made aware of. You need to make sure that you are registered in the right area and that they are aware.

@MyLivelySquid

OP, are you and the baby registered with the local GP?

Yes, if a man had upped and left his baby and not bothered to support the mother, he would be called all names under the sun, but when it's a woman she is instantly a victim and it's the dad's fault!

OP has been left in a really difficult situation and luckily is trying to step up to care for his tiny son alone! Who abandons their child, especially a 2mo baby! If she didnt want to live in Wales and go back to family, the mother should have left WITH the baby, and her parents should not be enabling her to run away from her responsibilities like she has.

Okay- but she’s the one on maternity leave and getting monthly maternity payments?
Yet op is struggling with finances…

So I think op should get those payments instead, as he’s the main and only person who cares for the baby atm?

Is the family not communicating with you?

How do they think that you can possibly manage without regular job and no maternity pay?

Op- you must still having regular nurse visits or going with the baby to the clinic for regular check ups?
You need to explain them your situation and ask for help.