Single dad struggling with benefits, baby milk and where to get help

[MyLivelySquid]

I’ve recently became a single dad and as much as I hate to admit it I’m struggling, my son is 2 months old and I feel like I’m failing him. All my benefits have messed up due to going on to a single claim, does anyone know how to get help as I’m low on baby milk and I’ve no food in the house, I don’t care about me eating or not it’s my son that’s main priority! I went to the shops only to see if I could hide anything in his pram but I just couldn’t bring myself to potentially get into trouble and I’m terrified to ring social services in case they take my son, any advice is greatly appreciated

I would go to a church service today, speak to the minister they will help you. I know our congregation certainly would they will be open today. I would search for one that has a Sunday school - obviously baby will be too young for that for a good few years but if they have one it’s likely to have other young families present. They can be a wonderful source of community and support. Some also run baby groups which may be good for companionship as baby gets a little older. Best of luck to you in what sounds like a very difficult situation.

Are you very new to mumsnet?

Where in Wales are you? In N W a lot of the Plaid regional offices have foodbanks on a Sunday, as do a couple of the churches. Bangor cathedral has a food bank and I think an emergency fund so could help with baby formula. Llanfairfechan’s food bank is open Monday and Wednesdays.

Tomorrow call your GP, access nurse support for your son. They will have a lot of information for you

Do you know how many scammers have been on mumsnet over the years?

Call your local Childrens Social Services Emergency Duty Team they operate 24/7 and will help you immediately not take your child away. Where is the baby's mother?

Hi Op
Hope you’ve managed to sort something, just echo others that I would head to your local church today, many have the resources to help with immediate support.
Do you have family/friends that can bank transfer you some money for the short term or send you an e-gift card for your local supermarket ie Sainsbury’s if they don’t have access to banking. You would just need to supply them with your email address so you can receive it and then use it on your shop.

With all due respect to the mum, I've been diagnosed with PND and was admitted to a mother and baby unit with my baby things got so bad, the newborn/early stages are brutal and, frankly, hated every minute, but she can't just up and leave you with nothing. Surely you just contact the grandparents? No one is going to give you money here so you're aware and you've had a lot of good advice.
Call the mum NOW.

Are you on universal credit?

You can ask for an advance whilst they’re sorting your money out.

Can you ask your employer got an advance on your wages?

Who is getting the child benefit?

Is it just milk and a bit of food you need?

I would ask the religious community - most are always very willing to help.
Also contact any homeless charities etc

Honestly though worst comes to worst, you’ll need to contact emergency social services and have them involved.
They won’t take your child away but it is obvious that you need help.

Do you or his mum not have anyone you can just borrow £10 off?
It’s only until Tuesday when you get your CB and then that can last until Thursday for the food bank.

Your dp has abandoned her baby- as pp have said there are services such as residential mother and baby units where she gets treatment and baby gets looked after. Why have you not both explored these kind of options? As dad and her dp you need to be stepping up and advocating for her to get the treatment and support she needs with the baby. Once you get milk make this your priority.

If you live rurally you can be lucky if there is even one.

Were I am is a fairly largish town and we only have one.

Which region of wales are you in @MyLivelySquid as that would change the advice people can give.

You need to call your health visitor and they can do referrals. Download the olio app and you can go collect free food. You can also post adverts of what you need and people can support.

there are various baby banks with all baby stuff for free, like food bank but for other stuff.

If you have a local corner shop ask them if you can have some formula and you will pay when you have money.

Offer them something as 'security', you must have something, jewelery, TV, phone...

Do you have family you could reach out to? Thinking long term I’m not sure living in Wales makes sense, can you not move back to where baby’s mum and family are?

Consider moving back near family support. Is there anything near your MIL?
Your partner needs to have support and the baby needs to know the both of you and you, him.
One of you needs to be working.

Good luck with finding assistance. Today go to a church and have morning tea with them and discuss support networks and local food banks with them.
Also contact food charities.

Not sure if you've heard or used this but application is simple and you'd have some cash hy Tuesday?

https://www.gov.wales/discretionary-assistance-fund-daf/how-apply

It’s going to be hard on all three of you, being separated. Maybe you should go home? The baby shouldn’t be apart from his mum, she may well struggle to get better without the baby.

If you live in a parish rather than a city, OP, look up your parish clerk's email address and ask about an emergency hardship payment. Most parishes have an emergency fund, and they will help you without needing to wait for paperwork. They should also suggest any local support groups. Good luck. I hope you're sorted soon.

You need to claim healthy start vouchers but in the mean time put a local Facebook post up people will help

What about your son’s grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?

Agree, but the baby has to be this man’s focus.

Check on your local council (& maybe neighbouring one if you're on a border?) and see if they have an "access to food" page. My council has one and it lists various places where food is available free or very cheaply. Food banks as already mentioned but also Olio and community fridges where excess food etc is donated by individuals or restaurants and grocery stores. There may be a community spot where you can fill a bag for £2 or similar.

Likewise have a look at the "good to go" app - places like Greggs sell off their stock at the end of the day and again you might get a bag full of sandwiches pastries, sausage rolls for £2. Obviously this would be for you rather than the baby but there might be something that would do in small quantities in an absolute emergency.

If you can't get your benefits sorted and need some advice on how to proceed you might try posting on the benefits board in the forum on the MSE (Martin Lewis) website. Unlike waiting for Citizen's Advice etc there's lots of people on the forum even on the weekends, basically 24/7.

The baby should absolutely be the priority but realistically their best interest is not with a father living away from all support in a new place with no village, no job and no money.

Whereabouts in Wales are you? I’m sure people local can help guide you in the right direction.