Single dad struggling with benefits, baby milk and where to get help

[MyLivelySquid]

I’ve recently became a single dad and as much as I hate to admit it I’m struggling, my son is 2 months old and I feel like I’m failing him. All my benefits have messed up due to going on to a single claim, does anyone know how to get help as I’m low on baby milk and I’ve no food in the house, I don’t care about me eating or not it’s my son that’s main priority! I went to the shops only to see if I could hide anything in his pram but I just couldn’t bring myself to potentially get into trouble and I’m terrified to ring social services in case they take my son, any advice is greatly appreciated

OP you need to follow your DP back to her family. Anything else is crazy because finding childcare for your baby and going back to work is a pipe dream for now.

Ask your partner or her family to transfer money for milk today and then start planning your trip back.

This whole situation sounds crazy and people offering to send milk via uber are not (imo) helping, they're just encouraging scammers to target MN. Why do think shoplifters target baby milk? It's because it's expensive to buy and easy to resell.

I think you wokld be best getting yourself back to family support. Trying to do it alone won’t benefit you or your son.

Do you have anything like Sure Start or children's centres in Wales? There's not as many in England as there were, but there used to be great support and advice there.

The op has said his partner has gone back to her mother. I can’t believe a woman would take in her daughter but NOT support her grandchild with a few quid for a tub of baby milk in an emergency.

Have you managed to get yourself any milk or food for yourself op? Where in Wales are you?

What about your wife? Surely she is the person who cares most in the world about your baby, along with you? If you tell her you can’t feed her child, surely she will send money - or her family, if she is too unwell? What did she say when you told her? You can’t surely have left your baby crying in hunger in all the hours since you started the thread, without doing the most obvious thing of asking/telling the people who are the child’s blood relatives?

All the other suggestions will mainly be available from tomorrow on. But an 8 week old baby can’t wait until then to be fed.

edited for typos as I didn’t put my glasses on

OP I'm not sure what the structure is in Wales, but little one should definitely have a health visitor. If you have their red book their Contact details are normally in the front of that. Contact them first thing tomorrow morning and let them know what you are struggling with. They should be able to sign post you to any local baby banks, do a food bank referral and a referral to early help if it exists in Wales.

Also if there are surestart centres local to you they sometimes have formula for emergencies, and can support via outreach also.

People are skeptical because there are a few things which always pop up on these threads where scammers are fishing for money. Poster is always estranged from family, it's always a Sunday, they are always in a rural location, it's always formula that they are short of, there is always some sort of excuse why they can't access support or get tro a food bank during the week.

Now I'm not saying the OP is a scammer but people who have pointed out that offering to send random people money or groceries is a bad idea should be heeded. If you (general you) are concerned about food poverty or people in similar situations then drop some formula or cans in the food bank collection trolley at the supermarket rather than trying to get warm fuzzy feelings by thinking you are rescuing someone in despair on MN.

@MyLivelySquid which county? I work in the community development space which means I pretty much know the provision across the country. If you can narrow it down a bit I can give you specific information.

If my neighbour who I’ve barely ever even spoken to knocked my door and said he couldn’t feed his child I’d go to the co op (which is open til 11) and buy a tub of formula for him as a gift. No expectation of repayment.

what I wouldn’t do is give him cash.

CAB tomorrow. They will help you and refer you.

He’s said he is running low.hopefully has enough milk until tomorrow when he can get help from all the suggestions given. Good luck OP

Contact social services or your health visitor. They can give you a voucher for a food bank they will provide you with baby milk as well. They won’t take your child away they are there to help.

Do you have any family that can help you out if you don’t have enough to see you through?

Goto your local citizens advice bureau tomorrow and get a referral to your local food bank. That will provide some immediate relief. They can also help you with the other things you are struggling with, which may take a little longer.

I think you’re getting a rough time on here. Please call social services. They have a 24/7 number and if you have no milk now, you need help now.

I have a social worker due to an unexpected life change. They have been super helpful and coordinate services for me. They have done nothing but applaud my parenting - they are not demons, and are there for exactly the sort of services you need. They love to help people who ask. They are forced to remove when people don’t recognise the support they offer - turn to crime or continually expose children to abuse. You sound like you hit the lowest ebb, but crucially - you didn’t steal.

They will also reach out to baby’s mum to see if they can support her better. Good luck

Your local vicar may have a discretionary fund for things like this. They also sometimes have foodbank vouchers.
Local family centre could help out.
Baby bank.
Look at local facebook pages for hand me ons.

There isn’t much point in cheaper rent if your wife is lonely and isolated. It’s hard being away from everyone you know.
I agree with pps you need to move back closer to family so your wife has support, your baby needs both of you, you need to be able to work, it’s totally unsustainable you staying in Wales with your baby’s mum in England.

No they won't unless your child is in danger.

OP scammers have targeted mumsnet for years, hence the standard warning from mumsnet. Also it is extremely unusual for a mother to leave a young baby, she would normally take the baby if heading back to mum. So I wouldnt be offering to send you anything.

If you have a local Facebook page then it's possible someone local will help you out with enough to tide you over for a day or two or will at least put you in contact with the local food bank. But your child really needs to be taken to their mother.

Isn’t having no food dangerous ? Silly response to a valid suggestion in the circumstances

You need to ring a citizens advice agency and check you're claiming everything you're entitled to. I'd also speak to your health visitor as they'll be able to recommend supports for you both practical and emotional. If you're struggling to the point of considering shoplifting then I'd get in touch with a local food bank, they may be able to put out a specific call for the type of milk etc that you need.

If you are doing everything in your power to care for your child then social services will be there in a supportive capacity to help you rather than judge you so it would be really worth getting in touch with them. Baby's mum also sounds like she needs a lot of support and it will be really important for you both to have a network around you in a new area irregardless of what happens next. Social services would help you create that, link you in to all the useful services in your area.

Bit unhelpful to zoom in on a poor choice of words. Whatever the mother is going through, at least she is with family and friends getting support, not left with a baby with zero support.

Please don’t be embarrassed. You absolutely do not need to be. You are doing your absolute best for your son x

Neglect is an issue but if its down to poverty specifically then social services will aim to support rather than remove a child. Best outcome for a child is safe with better equipped parents so that's what social services will aim towards as a first strategy.

I was responding to the poster who said social services would wreck your life. Was that you? The fact of having no food wouldn't mean they'd take the baby, they would help with the necessities then make an assessment. Unless the OP was harming the child they wouldn't take it away.