Single dad struggling with benefits, baby milk and where to get help

[MyLivelySquid]

I’ve recently became a single dad and as much as I hate to admit it I’m struggling, my son is 2 months old and I feel like I’m failing him. All my benefits have messed up due to going on to a single claim, does anyone know how to get help as I’m low on baby milk and I’ve no food in the house, I don’t care about me eating or not it’s my son that’s main priority! I went to the shops only to see if I could hide anything in his pram but I just couldn’t bring myself to potentially get into trouble and I’m terrified to ring social services in case they take my son, any advice is greatly appreciated

Gurdwara will help if there is one local to you. Reach out to them

Have you got your own parents you could move back in with so they could support you at least temporarily? I don’t see how you can survive with a tiny baby, no money, no food and no Job.

Contact the benefits department at your council, ask about exceptional hardship payments, they can do things like referrals to food banks, supermarket vouchers or even monthly payments to you.

The turn2us website is helpful for checking you're receiving all the benefits you're entitled to and they also have a grant search feature, there might be something you're entitled to there.

Contacting your MP about your UC problem could speed things up if they put a complaint in for you.

Well I don’t know the OP so it doesn’t matter to me and I’d help them get milk for the baby.
But, as an extreme example, I know a couple in my area where both were heroin users, spent all their money on drugs and were asking people in our town to donate to keep social services off their back. People wanted to help baby but didn’t want to donate to fund their drug habit.
That’s an extreme example though.

I agree though that food banks/charities and places of worship would be my first port of call for help.

Have you tried getting a universal credit advance payment?

Just the one foodbank?

Your ex has a duty to support your son as well. She should be sending you something, even if just in the short-term to help get you through the immediate. It doesn't matter where she gets it from - borrow from family members if she has to. You should also be getting the child benefit, which can be paid weekly. If your ex is claiming that currently, she needs to change this immediately. Social Services won't take your baby unless there are major concerns for his welfare - being a single parent isn't enough, but they can provide milk or foodbank referral. On benefits you should be getting free milk, were you getting this previously? Ask your ex, in which case it would just be a case of collecting the milk or vouchers for it.

People reporting someone asking for help, how utterly shameful of them.

Don't be so ridiculous.

The whole reason MNHQ have to step in with that pre-written warning is because a few years ago, this place was full of scammers, especially on the run up to Christmas.

I haven’t reported but it’s naive of you to consider said reports shameful. There have been many instances of people beings scammed over the internet with sob stories about children and animals. I don’t see much wrong with asking MNHQ to cast an eye over it and remind people that it happens.

It’s no judgment to the current OP, simply a safety call after experience of previous OPs.

You are fast to call people shameful without considering that those who led to threads like these being questioned are the shameful ones, not those who advise caution.

this is what stands out for me.
Why did you move? when? you need to move back, your gf/wife/partner needs help and you are sitting there in Wales?

Hard truth time, I'm afraid.

I do hope you get some help soon

I think people have mentioned food banks but there is also the Baby bank?

https://babybankalliance.org/baby-bank-map/

This has a list and may help you find one local to you. I would also contact your local social services crisis line as they will have hours when they are open today and be able to offer mental health support as well as possibly getting assistance with meeting your babies immediate feeding and hygiene needs.

I think the obvious answer is the child's mother is still around and the child has grandparents. Contact them and say you need money to feed the baby. Today.

Shameful? Or just sensible considering that posts from people claiming to have no money to feed their children is a common scam?

mumsnet do this because it’s easy for well meaning people to be scammed by people with a sob story.

In rural areas that could easily be the case. Our nearest is open in our local Methodist Church for 3 hours on Fridays. Going to the next town would need a bus fare or petrol.

It's worrying that some people who think like this will have kids, and be in charge of teaching them internet safety.

OP, do you have a local online group like Nextdoor, or something on Facebook? If so, if you ask on there, I’m sure there’d be a mother who could help you out with baby milk.

Google food banks in your area. If they can't help directly they will give you good advice on where to get support: Trussell Trust, etc.

Contact your wife and tell her that her child is going hungry and she or her mother need to send you the money she’d be spending on food for him/her if you were all in the same home. She can transfer it to you and you can catch a supermarket before 4pm.

And you both need to get your heads together quickly to come up with a way to resolve the situation so it doesn’t disadvantage your tiny baby. It sounds like getting some urgent mental health help for your wife is key, if your account is the full story.

Good luck.

Shelter Cymru has lots of emergency support links.Cash in a crisis - Shelter Cymru https://share.google/CivSkWhfhhUrwJixU

Whereabouts in Wales are you, OP?

Where my friend lives in South London there is regularly a woman with a small baby in her arms outside the station claiming that she doesn't have enough money to feed her baby. Locals apparently know that she has a council house and is on UC but chooses to supplement her income by begging this way. I feel sorry for the child as it can't be good to be out in this heat.

I've also encountered the petrol can scam where a guy tells you this story: 'My car has run out of petrol and I haven't got enough money, but just need enough to get me a train ticket so I can get home to get some money to buy petrol'. So you give him a couple of quid, because he's not asking for money to fill the can with petrol. Only next week, you run into him again at the next station with the same can and the same story...

I have to admit I don't mind giving a couple of quid - annoying when it is all a scam.

If your need is immediate then you need to, as others have mentioned, contact family and ask them to send you money right away. Tomorrow contact your local Flying Start and explain your situation. They will have an advisor who will signpost you to help.

Have you talked to your and the babies mums families for help? Is it time to admit to them your are struggling.

Go onto your local facebook pages and ask local people where the nearest help is, especially as it is a Sunday and if you are short of formula today go NOW. If you cannot find help anywhere go to local A+E or maternity unit and tell them your baby has no formula and you have no money and you need urgent help with feeding. They will help you, even if they don't give you formula they will not send you away without local support options.

Then first thing on Monday start contacting the services that are available to you - speak to GP, local support groups, health visitor, citizens advice, local council etc

Do not leave it until a weekend/Sunday to get help next time you are running low.

Start thinking long term if you would be better closer to family support.