Your elderly parent die when you're on holiday?

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So im thinking an unplanned death (apart from old or frail) elderly widow/widower parent
anyone siblings or family not tell them until they got back or tell them in the middle of the holiday and expect them to come back? Or tell them in the middle of the holiday and say "stay there nothing's changing".
i'm just wondering, what would happen if this happened to me. Big expensive holiday coming up so obviously I'm overthinking.!!

Oh bugger, I should've edited the title
Meant to say, what would happen if

What would you want to happen? Why not discuss the scenario with your siblings and make a plan?

Tell them but don't expect them to come back. This is something we discussed as a family prior to one couple going on a 6 week holiday to New Zeland when parents were elderly. Them coming back would have changed nothing and those of use here would have dealt with anything immediate.

Oh yes, of course I'm going to. I do go with them very well! I'm just wondering about other people which I think is the point of Mumsnet!

Same

the only experience I've got this before my elderly cat who died when I was away 😤😃

You can’t live by what ifs. Unless either parent is actually ill or very elderly they could die at any time - hit by that proverbial bus for example.
So you are on holiday and something tragic has happened back home. Of course you should be told. You have the right to know and make the decision yourself whether to fly home. Your family could say that there is no expectation for you to do so as they have things under control.
My DH passed away suddenly when his parents were on holiday. It never occurred to me not to tell them straight away (I actually told his brother who told his family). They did return home.

@familyicons
Plane landed, turned phones back on, DM had passed away, I retrieved my bags and went straight to the help desk and booked the next flight home.

Landed at destination 7am, next available flight home was 20:00, worst day of my life.

Its a bigger story but it's too outing.

Id have been furious if no-one had told me and I'd stayed there oblivious, I was told not to come home but in my mind it was like "somethings happened to DM I need to be there"

On reflection I should have stayed, it was a long weekend for a family event.

When I got home there was nothing I could do, I just floated about in a daze of shock and grief

My grandfather died while my mother was on holiday (her FIL). She knew he was close when she saw him the day before she went on holiday. Bro and I wanted to not tell our mum but my uncle (grandfather's son) wanted to, so we went with his wishes. She didn't come home though.

I would feel the need to come home, even though there’s nothing to be done. I couldn’t just sit by the pool sunning myself, and wouldn’t enjoy any planned excursion, so what’s the point in staying? I’d rather be grieving in my own comfy surroundings.

I’d be furious if I wasn’t told.

It happened to a friend of mine.

They waited until they got back from holiday to have the funeral - although not everyone was happy with that decision.

We had this scenario in my family, but the person abroad needed medical treatment from the shock of it. I’m glad we told them, because it was a long trip they were at the start of.

And to be honest, they’d have blamed us for making a choice about it.

My grandmother died when my mother was on holiday in the Far East. I did tell her and she came home.

My father died on the first day of a 2 week holiday but it was expected and I’d been to see him before I left. My mother rang and told me in a very matter of fact way (she never rings me so it was obvious what had happened). I stayed for the 2 weeks - there was nothing I could have done as my mother and sister had everything under control. No one expected me to come back either.

Thanks all.

I would want to know but I won’t come home. I’ll sort to can remotely and the rest when I’m back.

This happened with dh dad. We didn’t come back and his siblings were furious.

When I was 14 my grandma died on our first day of a 10 day holiday. We didn’t go home, my dad’s brother said that we should stay and he’d deal
with all of the funeral arrangements.

Just tell them. This happened to my mum last year. It took out about a day of the hols while she dealt with phone calls. She stayed (she was in Thailand and had just been hit by the earthquake and had to stay in her hotel).

A lot of funeral are 3 weeks after someone dies so there is time to have your holiday. The funeral does need arranging, but you could have a teams/telephone/ WhatsApp call with the undertaker. If someone else is doing the arranging you could dial into the meeting.
If your family will work with you it’s easily done while on holiday.

My dad died in a hospice 3 days into a 10 day holiday. We didn't come home.

The thing to consider is would you be able to process your grief as effectively as if you were involved with planning and sorting everything that needs to be done? I know someone who was on holiday and was told but it had already been planned that they stay on the holiday. They did end up needing therapy.

Go, someone tells you, probably don’t come back.

There is a very strong pull to be on the spot when someone important has died but it’s not essential at all.

This was the early 90s and my great grandmother died when my grandparents were visiting Southern Africa- quite remote and hard to contact. My Mum and aunt buried her and told my grandparents when they came back; I believe they had agreed this approach before they went.

We had a memorial service for her at a later date.

My dad died on the 2nd day of my brother’s week long holiday
He was in hospital but it was quite sudden
My mum told my brother but he didn’t come home as there was nothing he could have done