Your elderly parent die when you're on holiday?

[familyicons]

So im thinking an unplanned death (apart from old or frail) elderly widow/widower parent
anyone siblings or family not tell them until they got back or tell them in the middle of the holiday and expect them to come back? Or tell them in the middle of the holiday and say "stay there nothing's changing".
i'm just wondering, what would happen if this happened to me. Big expensive holiday coming up so obviously I'm overthinking.!!

Surely all deaths are unplanned? When my mum was told she had between days and two weeks left, we decided to tell her sister who was on holiday. We thought it fair that she had the option to come home. It would have been cruel not to let her say goodbye, no holiday is worth precious time with a loved one. Years ago, my teenage relative's grandmother died whilst their parents were on holiday. The parents decided to wait until they got home to tell the teen, thinking it was for the best. Unfortunately,they ended up finding out through social media before the parents were back.It sounds like, if the worst should happpen you'd hope your family would wait until you were home so as not to ruin your expensive hoiday, OP!

This is what I think. It leaves all the organising to the person at home. Also, if you have a surviving parent, wouldn't you want to support them? When my granmother died many years ago, both my family and my aunt's were on holiday. There was no dispute over who was or wasn't coming back. We were all heartbroken and couldn't have enjoyed ourselves. We wanted to be together, if both familes had stayed on holiday my elderly grandfather would've been alone.

Happened to me, family told us and we came home early.

Years ago, before mobiles, my grandfather died while I was on holiday with my friends. I was 21. My parents told me when I got home. Id missed the funeral and I was very upset. For years every time I went on holiday I worried that something would happen.

i was 25 and in Australia when my Dad died suddenly...it was the most hideous, surreal,long trip home.Absolutly no way could i have not come home!
Since then i have always had a fear about travelling but i did go back to Oz last year and had a fabulous time.

If its something that's on your mind, have a really good think that's right for you. Also, if someone else feels they've been left with all the planning, while you're away, would it be ok uf they made a decision you weren't happy with.

Have a look at your insurance, you might be covered

My Dad died while we were on our honeymoon, and I have to admit I didn't give it a second thought, I just needed to be home and told my Mum we were returning. DH was in room, and just starting packing, making enquiries for our return while I was on phone. He's never held it against me.

Actually hooting at this. My mum has been talking about when she's going to die for about 10 years 😬😃
There's nothing wrong with her. Apart from she's 88 and has the beginnings of dementia

What I absolutely would NOT do personally is discuss it before, is the verdict well be not to be told. If I did that, on every holiday I'd be paranoid that someone had died and is be coming home to horrible news.

I've had a chat with my parents about my elderly cat and been clear that they need to let us know if she becomes ill because we wouldn't enjoy the holiday not knowing!

Thanks @Puppylucky & sorry you're having to deal with this as well as your loss.

I would want to be told however, if it was the first of my parents I would come home to support my other parent. If it was my only parent it would be a different situation. I don’t have siblings to support/ consider.

I absolutely think youd need to come back. It doesn't matter whether there is anything to do, you should be supporting others and letting them support you. Also it's impossible to process in a different place, it makes more sense to be home. Although of course this can be unfair on the other people on holidays. Dh and I decided if one of our parents has a turn we fly home immediately and the other stays on until we know the story. If it's a sudden death, one flies immediately and the others follow in a day or two to get some holiday time.

When my Nan died:

my parents were on their first ever overseas holiday
my aunt was also on her first ever overseas holiday with her daughter
my other aunt again first overseas trip, however had just moved overseas to be with her partner
several of my cousins were on a lads holiday.

Nan had been very unwell and was in hospital so everyone knew it was a possibility. Everyone was told, but I think only my aunt who moved overseas was the one who changed plans as there was no point rushing back for the others.

We faced the possibility of this with mum. Our family holidays (DH, kids and myself) only occurred once every 3 years due as was so hard to get and coordinate leave, but then we would go for 4-6 weeks. Mum was elderly and unwell. We made a decision that we didn’t want to know and would not come back if she were to die while we were on holidays. It wasn’t going to change things or bring her back. Where we are funerals/burials/cremations are within the week as well, so it was just a matter of deciding with family whether they would go ahead or ‘put her on ice’ so to speak until we returned, and the decision was to go ahead which we were fine with. We would also leave our phones at home and just take a spare, kept specifically for holiday purpose only in case we broke down in car etc, so no one could contact us and we couldn’t contact anyone (no numbers saved on it, no social media).

Funnily, this philosophy didn’t extend to pets. We have household pet (adult child’s pet but in our household), who became ill when DH and I were overseas on holidays last. We immediately cut it short and got first flights we could back. I think the difference is that if the pet had of been elderly and towards end of life, as mum was, and we went away expecting they may go, then we probably would have gone away content and not return if this occurred, but the situation was they were young and the illness unexpected, which made it more important than the holiday.

I don't think there is a definite right and wrong thing to do. What is right for one family won't be right for another.

What is important is that you discuss with family first so you all agree what they and you should do if anything does happen.
Different scenario but a parent died 2 weeks before our holiday. None of the immediate family expected us to cancel. The parent that died would have wanted us to still go. I helped with funeral arrangements before we went and when we came home. Other family were there to support the other parent, and I called them every day we were away. Others may have cancelled, but going on the holiday was the right thing for us.

When I used to go on holiday I only left my contact details with one relative whom I could trust. Strict instructions not to notify me in case of family illness and deaths.

I'm not a doctor so I cant cure them
I'm not god so I cant raise them

This is bonkers ... you came home for a sick cat but you wouldn't if it were your dead/dying mother?

@Thiswaythatwayforwardandbackway who did?

Whenever I’ve applied for travel insurance, certain firms have asked if I have a relative that has had any sort of terminal or ‘big’ diagnosis (in my case my mother’s dementia) in the two years before to the travel basically letting me know that should the worse happen, travel back will be at my own expense.

Has anyone else been asked this?
Im not sure what would happen if it was an unexpected death not linked to any medical condition but I have no doubt that the insurance companies would wish to scour the relative’s medical records to not make a pay out.

My Nan died while we were on holiday and we had always had a plan in place as a family not to tell the person who was away. However someone not close to us put it on Facebook which was a horrible way for my mum to find out so I would always say tell the person personally

This happened to me. I was on a two centre holiday in Europe and was travelling from the first city to the second, when my sibling called. I decided to get a flight home that day. But it wasn't an important holiday, and I wasn't too disappointed about missing the second half.

My reason for returning was more about my sibling really. I knew there'd be things to be done, and I know that they'd struggle with it. As the more capable sibling (and I don't mean that in any mean sense) I knew they'd appreciate me being available. So I went back to support them.

This is where it’s different for me, I only have one parent and it’s me that’s to organise funeral , house etc, so I have no one to come back to, my family would be on holiday with me, so I would stay and try to relax .

i don’t think anyone should be judged on how they react, not coming home doesn’t mean they loved the person any less than someone at home.

My DB and I have discussed this and decided the one doesn’t cut short their holiday. We both go away a lot so there’s a fair chance of this happening, we avoid being away together.
My DM is in a nursing home who have all the details of the undertaker and it would take an hour to pack up her room.

DHs mother died while we were on our summer holiday with DD some years ago. He’s an only child. MiL was in a nursing home, they dealt with registering the death, he contacted undertaker and some family by phone - there was absolutely no point coming back early and spoiling the holiday for DD. It was with Neilsen, the manager let DH use his office.

The only reason to return early would be if there were other family members who really needed support.

Yes, but to qualify, my mother was elderly and, on going on holiday, there was a fair chance she may die. However, the cat was young/healthy and was a sudden severe illness. If the cat had of been elderly, possibility of dying, and we decided to go away on that basis, then we likely wouldn’t have come back.

ETA - if it had of been many years before when my mother was younger, ‘healthy’, no reason to think she would pass away, and then she had an accident or sudden severe illness where there was a possibility of death, then I would have come back in that situation.

Yes @HoppingPavlovaa lot of this depends on the DPs age. Mine are very elderly and tbh we have somewhat calculated how easy/hard it would be to get back from a holiday in case of an emergency for about the last 10 years. Thankfully we have never had to do it, but I am aware at this stage that I probably seem a bit callous about things, but that’s possibly because there’s a good possibility it may happen and we can’t never go anywhere in case it does. I don’t think insurance would cover it for DPs due to their age and illnesses.