Your elderly parent die when you're on holiday?

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So im thinking an unplanned death (apart from old or frail) elderly widow/widower parent
anyone siblings or family not tell them until they got back or tell them in the middle of the holiday and expect them to come back? Or tell them in the middle of the holiday and say "stay there nothing's changing".
i'm just wondering, what would happen if this happened to me. Big expensive holiday coming up so obviously I'm overthinking.!!

This is why I wouldn’t say anything.

Some people would come home because they feel they need to or be so upset that they can’t stay and enjoy the holiday anymore.

I would want my loved ones to continue having a lovely holiday.

Just don’t do what one of my relatives did - kept the sad news from her sister for fear of it ruining her holiday, but actually had the funeral before she got back too. This was decades ago when contact was harder and funerals were done much quicker, but still!

Not quite the same as I wasn’t abroad but I travelled quite a long distance in the UK for a long weekend to attend a wedding. My dad was in a hospice and expected to go at any moment. I agonised over whether to go to the wedding and decided to go (close member of my DH’s family). I told my mum and brother that I’d like to be told if dad died while I was away, but that I wouldn’t come back until after the wedding. But he hung on and I was able to see him when I get back. He lasted another three days. Not the same as an unexpected death though, I realise.

DM is in Ireland so I'd obviously want to know and have to come back as funeral within a few days.
In laws are in the UK, but I would still want to know, even if we were able to stay on holiday (DH might fly back).
Not telling people, unless that was agreed, would make me worry every time I went on holiday that something had happened and I wasn't being told. I'd rather have that particular holiday ruined that every future holiday.

I'm not having a go just wanted you to state where you stand because that's all you need to know and you can now tell your siblings.

This happened to my friend when she was in Australia. Everyone told her to stay there and come back as normal.
She said it was strange on times but she was removed from it all and does not regret staying.

Well I'd have to come back under that scenario because we're Jewish and the funeral is immediate. When I was a kid we missed a holiday once as my grandfather suddenly fell very ill shortly beforehand (and went on to make a full recovery and live another 3 decades!) and my parents weren't taking any chances.

@Owly11 I apologise .

Happened to my parents, my grandad died when they were visiting me overseas. He was in a nursing home, hadn’t known who they were for years and obviously fading fast, all arrangements regarding the funeral director, choice of crematorium etc were made before they flew out. When he passed away the nursing home called to inform them and the funeral directors were called by the nursing home too, paperwork was sent (as could happen then) to the registrar for the death certificate too so when they got back all they had to do was attend the funeral

This happened to a friend recently, sadly. Her sister told her and she came home. I don’t think my friend could have forgiven her if she’d taken the choice away from her.

My DM passed when I was on my first holiday abroad with my sister and Dc.
She was fine when we left her but took ill the next day... we were kept informed by family, and decided to stay on holiday (no idea how to get home!).
When we arrived home our siblings had emptied mum's house, and there was nothing to say goodbye to.
We went to her funeral thank goodness.

You can't live on "what ifs". I think I'd want to know, but what I'd chose to do about it would depend a lot on how I was feeling and where I was.

Unfortunately, people tend to die/get sick at the most inconvenient of times. Case in point, we recently had a bereavement in the family, and the day after the death, his wife ended up in hospital after a suspected stroke. Nothing happened with the funeral until the wife was back on an even keel. That meant the funeral didn't happen until 5 weeks after the death, but that's just the way it works out sometimes.

My own mum ended up in hospital a couple of months ago, with something that came on really suddenly and randomly. She said then, "what if this had happened when I was on holiday?" Honestly, it's best not to think about it, otherwise you'd never go anywhere, or do anything.

No need! I really hope you get your holiday and your family are all alive and well on your return.

This was very much on my mind when we were all due to spend at least a week in France for a family wedding.

My DM was 97, with advanced dementia, in a care home. TBH we’d started to think she’d go on for ever (she’d already been in the care home for 8 years) but Sod’s Law , and all that…

However she suddenly went downhill and died just 10 days before we were all due to go away. It was all over within about 36 hours.

TBH if she had gone downhill or died while we were away, I wouldn’t have changed any plans - I would have let the CH and the funeral directors take care of it - the funeral could wait.

If this sounds heartless I should add that she hadn’t known or recognised any of us for a few years. One or other of us sat with her for all of those 36 hours (I was there when she died) - she wasn’t apparently conscious and gave no sign of ever being aware that we were there.

Also, I know the last thing her former (pre dementia) self would have wanted, would have been for her decline nd death to disrupt a happy family occasion.

When my Grandma ( mums mum) had a stroke we did tell my parents who were in France and they came home early. Grandma died a few days later so it seemed the right decision. The following year, my father died while on holiday, again in France, and I had to arrange for Mum to fly home on her own, fortunately the insurance company were really helpful.

Next summer my mum was visiting my sister in the US when my other grandma died age 90, she had been in a care home for a long time with dementia so not unexpected. My siblings and I made the decision not to tell mum in advance of the funeral as we were worried it would put her off ever going on holiday again, three deaths while away from home in three years was a bit much! We did tell my sister and agreed that she would tell my mum the night before the funeral, so too late for mum to get home but they were able to have a peaceful day to remember her.

It was totally the right decision and all the funeral guests agreed with us, we invited then back to mums house as we had keys for a simple meal and looked at loads of family photos. The closest family then went out for a meal with mum when she got back home.

It happened to us. My dad's mum died while we were in Lanzarote. It was sudden. They tried to get an earlier flight back but couldn't so we finished the holiday. We lived abroad at the time so flew home and then had to fly to England for the funeral etc. I had q a bit of time off school in the end.

I can’t be of any use to this thread because it is so very different to where I live.

People die and are buried within two days typically so you’d just have to get the next available flights that kind of means that universally people who are away get told immediately. I’ve seen in happen many times.

The only reason people wouldn’t have the funeral within two days is to give a chance to get back from abroad so maybe 4-5 days if a son or daughter lives in Australia for example to give them a chance to organise things.

What do people do with work if a parent or other family members dies? We only get a certain amount of bereavement leave so usually you’d only get the time around the death and funeral off in most cases. Is there much more bereavement leave in the UK or do people just carry on going to work between the funeral and the loved one dying?

I remember when they used to issue appeals on the radio for people travelling around the UK. "Would John & Susan Smith, believed to be travelling in Devon, please contact their daughter".

NHS Bereavement leave is up to one month (in my Trust anyway)

I think it depends on whether the surviving parent or lone sibling needs your support to help with their grief.

If there is no surviving parent and lots of siblings who can comfort each other and there are only a couple of days left until the end of the holiday, then I’d let my sibling enjoy a longer for, expensive and needed holiday

If someone only had a few days left to live then the person on holiday MUST be told so they can say their goodbyes

I'd probably only want to know if I would be cutting my holiday short and coming home.

I'd rather either enjoy my holiday in ignorant bliss, or be told and come home to help.

It also depends on who else I was away with, and if I was needed at home.

I have a number of siblings and haven't been abroad on holiday for many years, so on balance I'd probably prefer to not be told if I was actually on a much needed and longed for 2 week holiday abroad with my DH and DC.

@Brunchatstephanies My work gives 2 days compassionate leave if a child, sibling or parent dies. In reality your boss and HR can authorise further leave which they often do.

I took additional annual leave to fly to my mum when my dad passed away but as he was terminally ill and in a hospice for 4 months already my mum had all practicalities basically done, it was more a matter of being there to support her emotionally and to help with the actual funeral mass and wake.

We talked to our travel insurance when it became clear that my dad would may pass away while we were abroad but they basically said as the death was predictable due to his diagnosis, even with the fact that we booked before his diagnosis moved from treatable to untreatable, they wouldn't cover any costs for rebooking flights. We got the GP to write a letter to say that the death could be days or months away, so utterly impossible to put the life on hold but the insurance was still very uncommitted about it.

In the end it happened before the holiday but I just ensured we had some funds available to pay for a flight.

If you have siblings, that can do the official stuff, register death, organise funeral director etc. If you are away, what is the point in coming home, same if you were home & your siblings were away. Funeral can be arrange for when you return. It’s probably an unlikely thing to happen, but yes have a plan. I always think, anything can happen to anyone at anytime so just enjoy your life.

We were phoned to be told "Dad is breathing his last gasps" by twat bil.
We didn't rush home from a 6 week holiday in America what was the point when we were 1 week in? He died two days later and had been totally out of it for the previous 4 days after being taken suddenly ill. He was 95. H said it was expected and nothing to be gained by going home.
Bil, who was jealous of our holiday, got out of his tree big time when we got back about it, 'I was stopping his b from coming home' and I ended up telling him to fuck off.
We weren't told when the funeral was either, turned out to be a direct cremation like his deceased wife 4 years previous.
It was perfect timing to cut all contact with the toxicity of h's family.
Life is fantastic as a result.