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Original poster

So angry, daughter's prom and immature boyfriend

130 replies

RVectensian · 02/07/2026 21:06

Honestly, I'm so upset on her behalf.

My daughter has her prom tonight. She has a lovely dress, and got her hair and nails done etc. Put a little make up on, quite natural.

Her boyfriend of a year is on holiday.

I thought she seemed subdued when we dropped her off, so I checked her messages.

Turns out all afternoon he's been making her feel bad for making so much effort, dropping in digs that she never makes that much effort for him, how she wear xyz clothes to see her friends and doesn't for him, then dropping off the radar for half an hour leaving her begging him to come back.

Then the classic 'obviously you don't care cause you're arguing back' type sentiment, and 'if you really meant that you'd have made changes sooner'. "I'm just ruining your night, I'll go now. I feel sick about this, I'm so worthless" etc.

She was putting her case back across but there was lots of "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I'll put more effort in to myself" 🤬 etc.

I'm so, so angry on her behalf. I know the sick feeling when something like this is hanging over you, checking for replies all the time etc, and it will have completely overshadowed her big night.

I genuinely thought he was a very loving, supportive boyfriend who seemed to cherish and admire her. Now I'm left wondering if he is normally like this, or if it is just immature insecurity cause he's away.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 02/07/2026 21:08

Poor kid. I hope you’re encouraging her to go I’d have fun. I’d have to say something to her about him showing his true colours.

Original poster
RVectensian · 02/07/2026 21:13

I couldn't help but message her, not sure I'll have helped. I'm so sad for her.

OP posts:
BIWI · 02/07/2026 21:15

Now, then, is a very good time to talk to her about standing up for herself and not letting people like him belittle her. Help to boost her self-esteem and help her to see how harmful his comments and general attitude could be.

What a horrible way for him to behave :(

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Relationship problems
user293948849167 · 02/07/2026 21:18

I had an arsehole boyfriend when I was 18/19, my mum eventually told me she couldn’t stand him and that i deserved better- it was the kick up the backside I needed to end things. Maybe she just needs someone to give her the confidence to believe this is not her fault and she deserves better. I’d be telling my DD

Garfieldloveslasagnepie · 02/07/2026 21:24

Little prick. Hope she realises and tells him to fuck off

MyGPwearsShorts · 02/07/2026 21:36

I too would be livid!

Just in case this is the tip of the iceberg might be worth having a look at the power and control wheel used for teens in unhealthy relationships.

Hopefully I'm way overreacting but might be worth a look anyway?

So angry, daughter's prom and immature boyfriend
Darragon · 02/07/2026 21:40

There’s a bunting of red flags here, you need to talk to her about abusive controlling patterns, he’s playing on her emotions to manipulate her. She needs to dump him. If (as you say) it’s just immaturity then he’s too immature to be in a relationship. We shouldn’t make excuses for this sort of behaviour, it’s not right. She’s 16 and should have been having the time of her life tonight.

Original poster
RVectensian · 02/07/2026 21:54

Exactly. I've come over to pick her up and am going to see if she fancies an ice cream on the way home. She is just so bloody fabulous.

OP posts:
relaxitsok · 02/07/2026 21:58

Great that youve seen it and can address it, sad for her she’s had to experience this at all. Hopefully she will be able to speak it through and reflect on how not ok this is.

Dymaxion · 02/07/2026 22:12

' Your misogynisitc behaviour is giving me massive ICK, take some time to reflect on how poor it has been '

Get her to put the onus back on him and his behaviour. And then block him for the remainder of his holiday.

Original poster
RVectensian · 02/07/2026 22:29

She's not the sharing type, she listened, and was open to listening to me, but didn't say much about what she thought or felt. Which I guess is ok, I hope a little bit went in

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 02/07/2026 22:44

MyGPwearsShorts · 02/07/2026 21:36

I too would be livid!

Just in case this is the tip of the iceberg might be worth having a look at the power and control wheel used for teens in unhealthy relationships.

Hopefully I'm way overreacting but might be worth a look anyway?

I agree.
While he’s away I’d be sitting down with her and going over this.
One of my aims in life is to make sure my daughters know about red flags and healthy relationships. And they they don’t stand for a second of this. It’s so hard as a teen.

fashionqueen0123 · 02/07/2026 22:45

Dymaxion · 02/07/2026 22:12

' Your misogynisitc behaviour is giving me massive ICK, take some time to reflect on how poor it has been '

Get her to put the onus back on him and his behaviour. And then block him for the remainder of his holiday.

This! That’s the exact type of message I’d want my girls to send. This behaviour is not acceptable!

mylifeisexams · 02/07/2026 23:03

Did she not mind that you’d been through her messages?

Original poster
RVectensian · 02/07/2026 23:41

No, not really, doesn't seem to. She knows it isn't something I would do regularly. I apologised for invading her privacy and she said it was fine, she got it.

OP posts:
Walkerzoo · 02/07/2026 23:44

It sounds like coercive control. Or the start of it.
Keep an eye on it and keep communicating with her

BerryTwister · 03/07/2026 00:09

My 17 year old DS has a girlfriend like this. I can’t stand her, she’s pure toxicity. I’m fully expecting her to ruin our family holiday this summer with this exact behaviour. I’ve said what I think over and over, but DS loves her and there’s nothing more I can do.

Pudmyboy · 03/07/2026 00:18

MyGPwearsShorts · 02/07/2026 21:36

I too would be livid!

Just in case this is the tip of the iceberg might be worth having a look at the power and control wheel used for teens in unhealthy relationships.

Hopefully I'm way overreacting but might be worth a look anyway?

@RVectensian have you shown your daughter this excellent information?
Ask her if she can see where his comments fit in this wheel?

SatsumaDog · 03/07/2026 04:28

Your poor DD, her boyfriend is behaving like an asshole. I guess all you can do is support her and tell her what we all know after experience; this guy isn’t worth it and should be cheering her on not tearing her down.

Original poster
RVectensian · 03/07/2026 07:45

I have left it with this for now:

"I won't keep going on about yesterday because I know it was a difficult day. I just wanted you to know why it upset us so much. I hated seeing your special day become about reassuring someone else instead of you enjoying it. You deserve to feel able to celebrate your achievements and special moments without feeling guilty or responsible for someone else's emotions. Your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. Just be on the lookout for patterns over time where you have to apologise or appease someone else, or where you raising an issue gets turned around into you being the problem or needing to apologise.

You're a very empathetic person who really cares, and that is a massive strength. Just don't 'set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm', as they say."

I don't want to sound like I am going on the attack of him personally, cause I'm not sure that would get taken in as she will feel defensive of him. But hopefully this will sow the seeds to be a little alert.

OP posts:
AllyMacbealmyarse · 03/07/2026 08:12

RVectensian · 03/07/2026 07:45

I have left it with this for now:

"I won't keep going on about yesterday because I know it was a difficult day. I just wanted you to know why it upset us so much. I hated seeing your special day become about reassuring someone else instead of you enjoying it. You deserve to feel able to celebrate your achievements and special moments without feeling guilty or responsible for someone else's emotions. Your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. Just be on the lookout for patterns over time where you have to apologise or appease someone else, or where you raising an issue gets turned around into you being the problem or needing to apologise.

You're a very empathetic person who really cares, and that is a massive strength. Just don't 'set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm', as they say."

I don't want to sound like I am going on the attack of him personally, cause I'm not sure that would get taken in as she will feel defensive of him. But hopefully this will sow the seeds to be a little alert.

Well done @RVectensian , that’s a very calm, measured message. If he comes to the house I’d also be finding time to have a very quiet, short word that tells him to sort himself out or else. I guess it could backfire, but I’d want the little shit to know I’m on to him and watching, if he is abusive that should hopefully cause him to back off as he knows your DD isn’t unprotected. Do you know his parents?

Hopefully your daughter is off to sixth form so can maybe leave the childish little shit behind.

HortiGal · 03/07/2026 08:19

Immature? no; a controlling manipulative cunt is a more accurate description, hope she dumps him.

GreatThingsAwait · 03/07/2026 08:33

He sounds horrible. I can’t stand that type of person.
I think your message was good. The emphasis on it being about her reactions and behaviour is sensible.
He actively wanted to ruin her night. Thats awful isn’t it.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 03/07/2026 09:20

He's on holiday, all his peers will be posting on sm, hes massively envious so he takes it out on your dd. What a little prick. You've sent her a great message, can you encourage her to spend lots of time with her girl mates, take her for something she'd like to do? Show her that her life doesnt have to revolve around a nasty little boy.

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 03/07/2026 09:22

What a horrible young man l hope your DD dumps him by text

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