What do 17 year olds expect at a party? Just to get a broad idea.

[queenceleste]

Dd is 18 this year and we are thinking of her having a party at home for her 18th.
She has been to very few so isn’t sure what is generally a good offer if you like.
My sister had a daughter who had some house wrecking parties son am a bit nervous.
I have a few questions

can parents be present but out of the way?

how do you manage alcohol with a mixed age group of year 12s?

is pizza, mocktails, snacks, cake etc enough?

I was a teenager so long ago that I have no idea how it’s done but I would love to have some pointers to encourage me.
We don’t have a very huge grand house though. My insecurity makes me hesitate in case her mates are snooty but maybe they’ll just be happy to have a party. But I just don’t know how other people manage it with confidence.

We hired a village hall, although it was tricky finding one that allowed teen parties. There were about 40 I guess, lots of drinking and some minor dramas resulting in drunk girls crying, but overall it went ok! The ones that stayed til the end helped tidy up which was unexpected and lovely.

It's always the girls who are drunk

If they don't drink, a dinner party might be better

Just hosted 15th birthday party for DS and it was fine - 40 teenagers - I made the garden the place to be (fairy lights, bunting, gazebo, camping chairs and lots of other chairs), put all the drinks and snacks on a table outside (some ciders, stubbies and loads of non alcoholic cans plus small bottles of water from aldi), music, disco lights from Amazon in the kitchen. Most teenagers round here have a drink at parties from around age 14. I cleared everything i didn't want broken from inside and locked it (and my booze) in the garage. Blocked stairs and got DS to send out rules: respect our home and neighbours, no going upstairs, no smoking/vaping (some will anyway) and if you puke you go home! I mostly stayed upstairs but came down when it got a bit rowdy just to make my presence known - it didn't cramp their style having me and my friend lurking by the kettle. Ordered dominoes halfway through the night to soak up any alcohol. It was a bit stressful but actually fine. Make sure you warn the neighbours and tell the kids in advance what time they are being kicked out...

We hired a local venue with bar, and a DJ, DC choose all the music. We got food and the venue cleaned up!

Best answer! Some seem to be amused about teenage parties as if getting drunk and making mess is a rite of passage- well it might be, but not in my house. Don’t fancy ruined worktops, damaged furniture, disgusting toilets, broken stuff etc, all acceptable to indulgent parents!

down here, door staff ask you to show a banking app in the name of the (fake) id if you look borderline for age. It’s so hard for u18s to get in…. (All well and good, but then people complain that the nightclubs are closing. When there’s a whole stack of potential customers desperate to get in. Then they turn 18 and bugger off to uni. Wish they’d let them in but just not sell alcohol to them, but appreciate easier just to ID on the door. )

Why are you organising it? It’s an 18th, not an 8th birthday.

Whatever she wants, you can decide to what extent you’re willing to facilitate and fund it, then let her organise it.

I would provide soft drinks and stodgy food and they can BYO booze (or maybe a welcome glass of fizz)

My dd hosted a post gcses party last summer. 30 16 year olds mostly in garden but back room too. We put a sofa in the garden to create a dancefloor and put away the glass lampshades and other breakables.
We were in the front room and just went about our evening as normal.
There was ALOT of alcohol consumed, everyone brought a bottle of spirits and plenty of beer. One boy got horribly drunk and vomited in the garden, the others all looked after him until his parents picked him up.
I provided 10 pizzas and they lasted about 10 seconds.
I think expecting 17/18 year olds to have a party without alcohol is a fantasy.
My youngest in y9 goes to parties where they all drink. Exactly what my friends were doung at their ages.

We reluctantly let our daughter have a party a few months ago. She is 17.
we provided some shop bought pizza, big bowls of crisps, sweets etc which she was mortified about but they were all eaten!
I also made a load of punch (basically sex on the beach- peach snapps, vodka and fruit juice) but went easy on the vodka so it wasn’t mega strong. They all brought booze and despite me insisting the Alexa speaker would be fine her mate brought lights and a big powerful speaker.
i had warned neighbours and set a midnight curfew
we were generally in and upstairs but popped out early for an hour or two.
they were all surprisingly well behaved, loud but polite and all gone by midnight, very little mess etc…

What to expect?
Sex, drugs and rock n roll!

Literally picturing the scene in The Inbetweeners when the parents stay in the bedroom drinking tea while their daughter has a party

My DC’s have had several parties from aged 15 through 18. Don’t go out, stay upstairs and do a quick check every 45 mins/1 hour. Take all your knives, sharp things and matchs upstairs (this feels OTT, but you never know). If you have a downstairs loo don’t allow anyone upstairs, literally block off your stairs and put a sign up. Have a mop, bucket and disinfectant to hand, along with a couple of sick bowls. My max is 40 but I’d prefer 30, have regular check ins with DC on who is invited. Tell your neighbours. Provide some beers, fruity ciders, alcopops, large bottles of coke & lemonade. They will bring booze with them including spirits. Have a clear finish time, go down stairs 10 mins before to remind them and get them to help tidy up. I have boxes beside the booze table for them to out their emptie: in. I always provide pizza delivery to soak up the booze.

That isn't how the licensing works though. And if you do it this way with wristbands or whatever, the 18+ yos just go to the bar to buy the drinks and the u18s give them the money. That's what we did when I was 16/17, we'd go out (to pubs) before the bouncers showed up and as long as you were fairly quiet and didn't make trouble they were very unlikely to come round checking IDs later on. But I couldn't get into nightclubs until I was actually 18 unless I borrowed someone's ID.

My son has been attending parties since 14. Drink for all was allowed/approved by each family.
smallest party he’s attended was 30 and largest was 65 😳
only allow how many you’re comfortable with!
supply small amount of beer/cider/wine and some pizzas/crisps

A friend of mine did this, it was a fucking disaster!.

Her daughter invited a small group of trusted friends. My friend and her husband stayed upstairs (thankfully). Two of the lads who were invited started on the vodka shots before arriving, one of them got lairy with a girl and a fight broke out. Cue loads of tears, drama and my friend spending hours consoling and trying to patch things up.

Don’t do it,

That was also my immediate thought!!

I would have hated the idea of a party at my own house - I would have been on edge the whole time. Loved other people’s parties, but have witnessed the destruction (and we were all pretty well behaved normally). Broken fences, puking, smashed ornaments from people falling over, fights when people snogged people they shouldn’t have. I won’t be doing it with mine!!

My now grown up DS had parties at this age. Neither wanted food, but I insisted and put out pizza, crisps, sausage rolls to soak up the alcohol a bit.

I stayed in with my then DH and best friend (who had sons) who was pretty cool. I was glad of an extra adult.

I caught spirits being smuggled upstairs and found my DD putting labels on whose bottle it was. I insisted ALL alcohol went on the dining table - like a proper party - and it helped to spread it out amongst everyone rather than a few embibing too heavily. However there was one girl who overdid it and I had to ring her DF to come and pick her up. Afterwards my DDs said they were relieved I stepped in - this girl had a reputation for overdoing it and expecting to stay overnight.

What they want an expect compared to what you are willing to give will be poles apart!

What they want:
no adults
alcohol
pizza take out
empty bedrooms
loud music
actual DJ
nice weather
hot tub

We’ve had 4 parties for DS between 16-18.
30-40 people at each
DH, me and younger teen camp out in our bedroom for the night.
We move everything except sofas upstairs into one room and lock it.
Covers over sofas
Provide a ‘soak up alcohol’ buffet with plates and plates of cheese and crackers as they get devoured. Big bowls of chocolate, crisps, etc.
Plastic cups
Floor cleaning wipes, bathroom cleaning wipes and more loo roll than you can dream of in every bathroom.
I provide beer, cider and alcopops ( not enough for everyone) and lashings of fizzy pop
We’ve got party speakers, disco lights and a sparkly projector thing, and we put up fairy lights but otherwise it’s pretty dark
Happy to start early but everyone needs to be gone by midnight. When he had a summer party the rule was everyone had to come inside by 10.30 in consideration of the neighbours.

Weve had 2 lots of puking, and 2 occasions that I’ve had to get a drunk kids phone and call parents to pick them up. I tend to circulate a few times just to see what’s going on. DS has also come to get me once or twice when he wanted me to check on someone. I once had lad soak my shoulder with tears due to a relationship drama on one occasion. Poor kid he was mortified the next week.

It’s such good fun OP. Go for it!

Sounds like you’ve got it sussed, but still wouldn’t be temped!

I have only ever hosted one party and that was dd2 16th. Never ever again.

it was all going fine, dds mates (no lads) are quite a nice bunch and I put on a bbq, music, gazebo, few drinks and it was nice. The mistake I made was letting my just turned 14 year old invite 2 of her friends (one of which I didn’t know very well)

dd2 didn’t mind as she knew the friends but when the very sensible 16 year olds had started settling down about 2 am, I’d gone to bed thinking everyone was ok, unbeknownst to me as I was dead to the world, dd3 and her mates had sneaked back downstairs, pinched a bottle of vodka and some Malibu and got pissed. I woke up in the morning with 3 bleary eyed 16 year olds mopping up sick, one of the 14 year olds had thrown up out of dd3 window onto our door canopy and dd2 had sat up all night with dd3 who was best friends with the toilet bowl at this point.

I was livid, with myself and with dd3, I sent the friends packing and made dd3 complete with hangover clean the canopy, mop up the sick outside and clean the house.

dd2s mates thought it was hilarious and said they’d all had a great time.

was the first and last time for me. Learnt my lesson. Nope nope nope.

@queenceleste gate crashing seems to be a big hit around here. My DD, 15, has been to a fair few parties this year where 30-40 have been invited and 200 have arrived! House trashed every time.

I’ll not be having parties at home.

Just being together, food, drink, space for music and a dance and to chill out. Having outdoor space is an advantage/gazebo, plus some fun stuff like inflatable props, bubbles. Xx