What do 17 year olds expect at a party? Just to get a broad idea.

[queenceleste]

Dd is 18 this year and we are thinking of her having a party at home for her 18th.
She has been to very few so isn’t sure what is generally a good offer if you like.
My sister had a daughter who had some house wrecking parties son am a bit nervous.
I have a few questions

can parents be present but out of the way?

how do you manage alcohol with a mixed age group of year 12s?

is pizza, mocktails, snacks, cake etc enough?

I was a teenager so long ago that I have no idea how it’s done but I would love to have some pointers to encourage me.
We don’t have a very huge grand house though. My insecurity makes me hesitate in case her mates are snooty but maybe they’ll just be happy to have a party. But I just don’t know how other people manage it with confidence.

How bigs your garden i would be OK with a party in the garden in a marquee or one of them inflatable disco dome things but not a chance in my house

Tell DD to think about what she;d really like, not what she thinks she 'ought' to have. If she has been to very few parties, is she part of quite a quiet set? If so, a more elegant party might be up her street. Or a small, themed party.

DS had his18th at home. We put out a big buffet from the start to soak up the alcohol, and offered champagne cocktails (peach bellinis and mimosas are great as you can make them 2/3 fruit juice and 1/3 fizz. They look great but are not too boozy. Same with white wine spritzers, Pimms or Sangria - you can make it look and taste good but massively lower the percentage of booze to mixers) We put loads of soft drinks, alcohol free beers and some lowish alcohol content beers and ciders on ice and made them very accessible. We created three distinct areas: food and drink, dance floor and chill area outside with fairy lights.

We were there at the start, then left so they could get partying without feeling the parents were watching. But we came back at 11pm to troubleshoot and to shift the mood by lighting a firepit outside and offering marshmallows and cocoa, at which point they all reverted to being like sweet children around a campfire.

It was less eventful than I imagined. Although I did find a tiny black lacy bra squashed down the side of the sofa. And an univited ex-girlfriend turned up with friends to scream at some shellshocked boy for having dumped her. And one of DS's close friends was half naked in the hall, singing West End songs at the top of his lungs when we got back. But mostly all in good spirits.

I had a party for my 17th birthday. House was trashed.

What does your DD actually want? She could be well up for a dinner-party style event, or a nice buffet with bubbly. Or does she want a full-on party?

I (just about) remember everyone passing out and puking at all the 16th parties I attended but 18th's were a little better. Everyone was familiar with booze by that point. Again, it depends on your DD and her friends.

We did firepit in the garden, plenty of logs and marshmallows.
A few bottles of beer, cider, wicked/Smirnoff ice and cans of cocktail. Most people brought their own..

Some pizzas, cheesy chips or nachos (plenty of easy things to soak the alcohol up) bowls of crisps and haribo. The haribo was very popular.
Also all the biscuits kids get at parties - party rings, jammy Dodgers, Mr Kipling cakes etc...

They hung out and sorted music and drifted between the house and garden.

Oh and a few daft pairs of glasses, boas etc. for posing for photos.

I dont think you need to worry about how many people you need to invite but rather who does your dd want to invite? You'll know her vibe and that of her friends. Are they are loud and get drunk a lot? Or are they more mature/intellectual and enjoy good conversation ie more of a dinner party? If the latter, she might enjoy a murder mystery or dinner party games? Does she like to dance?! It would be fine to keep that to a small group of close friends. If she wants to invite a lot of people, have a look at hiring an inflatable night club.

This sounds great!

I did when son was 17 / 18. About 20 people? They sorted their own booze. We provided plenty of non alcoholic drinks and snacks to try to soak some of it up, and also the number of local pizza delivery place. We have attic room with own bathroom so just stayed out of the way. Some of them got quite drunk. But it was ok. Was tail end of COVID and they had missed out on a fair bit

Gatecrashers are the problem. Difficult for a young person to control this.

But we came back at 11pm to troubleshoot and to shift the mood by lighting a firepit outside and offering marshmallows and cocoa, at which point they all reverted to being like sweet children around a campfire.

That’s a really smart way to do it!

This advice is brilliant thank you. Everyone’s different stories are great, I love the wee bra down the back of the sofa 🙈🙈

If kids are like I was then ideally no adults present.
Alcohol, loud music. That's pretty much it really!

Food was never a big concern but I guess you should supply some snacks. If you've a garden then let them do a BBQ with sausages/burgers.

We did garden.

so provided lots of food (helps soak up alcohol). Stops house getting trashed.

nobody vomited but my son was found hanging on to the grass in case he fell off the earth.

It’s crazy to me how people don’t remember being 18! I mean I guess all teenagers are different but I wouldn’t have dreamed of having a party at home with parents present. The standard 18th party at my school was to rent out the local cricket club. They had alcohol to purchase, a DJ, and a dance floor. All the sixth formers and some of the y11s went, they never checked ID. I guess they couldn’t get away with that nowadays?

We had house parties for 13th-14th birthday with parents present. They usually had a few alcopops, soft drinks, and a punch bowl, and people brought othwr alcoholic drinks to add to the communal pile. We got quite tipsy but nothing too wild due to presence of parents.

I believe alcohol is less popular with young people these days? They might just want to put some music on and chat, dance, and flirt. Maybe clear an area for dancing, and make sure there is plenty of seating.

I would not host my child’s 18th. When I was that age we expected beer. Even if you think your daughter doesn’t do it, I would stake money on the fact someone will bring weed or something they’re not supposed to.

Back when I was a teenager my dad had a hard rule: once you’re 16 you can have beer or cider, you stay in the garden and kitchen, you DO NOT got on his carpet (pain of death). If anyone got too drunk and puked, he’ll drive you home and drop you off but if you puke in the car your mum and dad get a bill and you best believe they’re paying it. Oh and also if anyone got caught stealing his fags they’d be in some serious trouble.

We pretty much followed the rules, I did once have tequila and we all did a shot. No one died or puked, but generally we respected the rules and had a blast. We never had gate crashers but my dad is pretty physically intimidating so I always had a free security guard on hand. He did also confiscate someone’s weed at my brothers 18th, smoked it and then realised the weed isn’t like what he was smoking in the 70s and freaked out 😭.

Oh also plastic cups. Have lots of plastic cups. Fuck the environment, you don’t want pissed teenagers trying to clean up broken glass trust me I’ve got the scar to prove it.

BYOB. Pizza, crisps, music. Expect your carpets to get wrecked. Leave or be in your room.

17 was the age we preferred to stay at home when our parents went on holiday.
Whoever's house was empty was where the party was!

My boyfriend's went a bit out of control but he was friends with someone who worked in a local bar and 3 of them came after their shift and sorted the clean up like professionals. He then only had the drain pipe to fix back on and a roof tile to repair.
He thought he had got away with it - although had to work a few extra shifts to pay for the repairs, until his mum spotted footprints around the arch between the living and dining room.

In turn, mine was very sedate but my boyfriend (different one who was a bit of a wimp) grassed me up when my mum found a beer bottle lid that had been flicked behind the TV. My strategy of deny, deny, deny seemed to be working up to that point.

Send notes to the neighbours warning them in advance.

People seem very casual about the house being trashed! No way would I allow a party in my house.

Drain pipe, roof tile- what the hell was going on?

Nooooo..... It's giving "Will" from the inbetweeners 😆

Roof tile possibly caused by someone who was kicked out throwing something onto the roof. Drainpipe, someone happily and drunkenly walzing down the street.

BYOB but not red wine.
Vaping in the garden only.
No drugs.
No going into bedrooms.
Music, party lights, smoke machine.

I would do something like jerk chicken, rice and peas, Mac n cheese, and let them help themselves. Paper plates and forks - big, visible bin!

Parents upstairs in case anything happens.