Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

Wow I would be worried . What sort of thing did you say in the review ? She can reply to those Google reviews and that would be much better than what she is doing .
I think police probably spoke with her that’s why she pulled back , but be aware , as she doesn’t seem very stable and I would worry enough to at least be over vigilant for a while .

People leave their children alone with her and from what you've written, she isn't mentally well enough for this to be safe or appropriate. I would add a second review detailing factually what has happened since.

The appropriate response to slander would be take someone to court for unfair damage to your livelihood. Not banging on someone’s doors and windows at nearly 10pm scaring their children. The fact this was her response makes me think there was a reason OP left a bad review, which she is entitled to do.

No wonder our world is where it is.

None of us know exactly what @Booyou123 wrote. I doubt it was entirely balanced and mild to provoke this response.

But anyone can become unwell if circumstances and pressure are such that they cannot cope.

Absolutely wrong of her to do what she did of course but they're not the actions of someone acting rationally. @Booyou123 quite rightly called the police. She's received an apology and assurance it won't ever happen again. Unless anything else happens, it is over. The woman does not need destroying.

You can say people are entitled to leave bad reviews...they don't have to though. It is an active choice. We didn't have to review anything and everything a few short years ago. People review tins of beans now ... It's extraordinary. I think it is sounding more than a little pompous or even a bit vindictive to be honest.

Several comments here smack of putting the help in their place. The chavvy, unhinged woman who shouldn't be anywhere near children because it's unforgivable having a mental health episode.

Try some empathy people! The world will improve. It won't improve from nasty comments about mental health or social status and bad reviews.

Wow, she's bonkers!!

Again, for those who haven’t read the thread. I did discuss my concerns first via email then via phone.

I did not refuse contact, I posted the review and then I came downstairs and made dinner. In that time she had given me 15 missed calls and made multiple threats about police.

Why should I have to communicate with someone when they are behaving this way?

If the OP left the type of review that she said that that is fine but it doesn't tally with her previous statement of some that "came to light".
The OP has made it clear that she will not be expanding on this which makes me think that she is not being as honest as she would like us to believe.

Are you absolutely sure the door-banging tutor had your concerns relayed to them if you were communicating with 'the head'? (The head who 'effectively dismissed' them.)

Was the door-banging tutor a one-to-one tutor? Did she work a company or run her own company?

ETA: I agree that the breach of your privacy and use of your private address is unacceptable. But it's hard to know how to advise when I'm unsure about whether this tutor runs a business or works for someone else / an agency.

There's absolutely no point in reviews if the only ones that can be left are the glowing ones. It's not like in nursery, where you have to try really, really hard to do something super well to get a sticker and, would you know it, everybody's a winner!!

She could have responded in a grown-up way to this critical review, and even turned it around to her advantage. I'm always impressed with companies that clearly take criticism seriously and actively seek to remedy/satisfy the issue when something goes wrong - whether they were actually at fault or not; often more impressed than the companies with the all-round top reviews, who may just have been lucky so far or otherwise reacted aggressively to quash/remove them.

With cause for genuine complaint, it goes both ways: it isn't just a case of the provider being wronged and having their reputation and livelihood destroyed (which seems a bit exaggerated when it's a mixed review in the midst of plenty of great ones); but it's also potentially disappointed, failed, even ripped off or deceived customers who have paid for a service and not received it.

Another one who thinks we need more detail before we can respond in any way that's useful.

I am obviously the only one, but sorry OP I rolled my eyes slightly at kids being scared because someone who they know knocked on the door. It was his tutor who presumably he was comfortable with being in the company of for a year. Not the mafia showing up with weapons and a breaching bolt.

If I haven’t made it clear, the tutor who came to our house was my sons tutor, she runs a company and she is the head.

See the problem with being evasive says there's more going on that you're saying and she's probably not the big bad wolf you've painted.

No she shouldn't have brokedown all over you. But it does sound like a breakdown that you've played a part in

You don't employ someone for a year, suddenly bin them off and knock their business. If it was that bad, you would be telling the world.

I didn't say it was. I said that I thought more questions had to be asked to understand the scenario?

The word unreasonable isn't limited to AIBU.

It really doesn’t matter how defamatory and untrue the review was. The tutor’s response was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. She should have responded to the review online, sought to have the review taken down by Google, sought legal advice. The fact she responded in the way she did makes me think that she is the one in the wrong.

I run an online business and rely on reviews, so I would be very upset to see a bad review. And I would be angry if a review was full of lies. I would not go to anybody’s house or even send any messages demanding removal of the review. It’s not how you deal with these things.

What else can you do though? And do you really want to engage with CRAZY?

When I started my business, a local woman who did the same thing as me told a few mutual customers absolutely untrue bat shit stories about me. Thankfully people saw though it, and realised that she was a bit unhinged. I could have gone to her house and confronted her, but decided against it, as she was clearly mad, and it could have gotten really out of hand.

You are entitled to leave a factual/accurate review without fearing harassment, I suspect the way she reacted shows that she has a lot on her plate at the moment/other issues
I think when she first reached out about the review I would have arranged a meeting to address it, stating that you had voiced your concerns and they hadn’t been dealt with etc so you wouldn’t be removing it and you don’t wish to be contacted further about it.

It sounds like you left the review then refused to talk to her, which is why her attempts to talk to you escalated and ultimately became the actions of someone who wasn’t thinking rationally.
She could have answered your review and put her side across, then people could have made other own minds.
Someone left a poor review of our family business, my DH was gutted…. I pointed out that it was the only one in all the reviews he had, and he had the right of reply.
We set out in a reply and all the things we had done to sort out the issues the customer had. When he had left our review, it came up with all the other reviews he had left various businesses, all of them were 1 star and all the places had replied giving their version events, he was a serial complainer.
Only you know if you were justified in your review, you should accept her apology for her behaviour and escalate if she pops up again.
Good luck with the 11 plus, we’ve been through the process recently.

What a nasty response, perhaps you could do with learning some empathy too.

Its pretty obvious what will have happened. The tutor has been telling the parents all year he's doing fine (by which she probably meant fine given his underlying academic ability) and then he's gone and sat one of the independent mocks you can do and when the mark has come back they've had a shock.

Its very difficult for tutors to tell parents their child isnt as capable as they think - especially if the parents are quite pushy and have expectations that because they are paying their child will score highly.

Its impossible to know exactly what has happened here but this is my guess.

We used a tutor for a year. She then told us she didn't have space for DS anymore because of changes to her work but it transpired that she'd actually dropped him because she didn't think he'd pass the 11+ (found out because the day she dropped us, our friend who was on her waiting list was offered his slot, and so I asked her about it). I put that in the review we left her. She was extremely unhappy with us. But it demonstrates how she keeps her "100% pass rate". We hadn't actually employed her to support with the 11+ but with his dyslexia but still.

OP you need to take that review down, to ensure that this woman has no reason to contact you again.

She's unhinged, but you're not Ofstead for tutors, it's not your job to review her services.

But if that wasn't the case, and it has been for decades, then the only kids that would get into private schools would be from prep school. As the state sector doesn't really cater for those exams.

Which is actually worse and would make the cohort even less diverse.

Why did you use her for a year then? That was nasty

@AmberSpy I’m glad you said it. Telling me to have empathy when the post is devoid of any.

This is key I think. I am a teacher / tutor.

1 Parents think that paying for education guarantees a result. It doesn't. It doesn't guarantee it in private education or in tutoring. You could hire the most expert tutor for 11+ and your child may still not achieve a high enough standard.

I am sure that at some point the OP raised a red flag which this tutor should have recognised withdrawn her services as a result. Such as, when would he be ready, why he wasn't progressing fast enough, what his raw score was and what his standardised score was.

'a lack of transparency, poor communication and not being clear about his learning journey and timeline'

It is impossible to guarantee how long ('timeline') it will take a child to make their optimum progress. Please note, I do not say, achieve a top grade/the level of the parents expectation. That may be totally impossible for their child.

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2 The OP has potentially caused her the loss of her occupation due to the review you left her. While her coming to the OP's house was inappropriate, if you were summarily sacked, with no recourse, causing a total loss of your occupation with no way back, no other skills and a total loss of income, your response may have been pretty dramatic too.

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3 I suspect the OP thought that paying for an hour a week of tutoring was going to be the lynchpin in your child passing the 11+. Which is totally unfeasible.

As much as the OP has left a review for the tutor, it's a huge pity she can't leave a review for them, to warn off other tutors. Because the chances are, they may well behave the same way with the next one when paying the tutor doesn't achieve the desired result.

Parents like this are why tutors need teachers and tutor insurance, including professional indemnity and public liability.

Caveat emptor. Most of this is on you.

I think getting a tutor for a core subject further up the school system, because your DC's teacher is inadequate or lacking is a different thing altogether.

It's the idea that within the state school system, brighter children are losing out on places to richer, thicker ones that raises my hackles.

Bad enough that the private school system already favours the well off, without the state system doing the same!