Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

I would email to say you accept the apology but remind her that her behaviour was entirely inappropriate and that if there is any further contact from her you will take legal advice.

If all the necessary materials for kids to do well in the 11 plus are available free online, why is anyone paying for tutors?

I live in Scotland where all state schools are comprehensive, so I'm afraid I'm clearly not up to speed on this

You said earlier 'Before doing this I emailed and spoke to the head regarding my concerns and they were effectively dismissed'

Forgive my confusion, but who is 'the head', @Booyou123?

Doesn't the door-banging tutor run her own professional tutoring company as per your OP?

I’d probably leave another review, or update your initial review. Yes it’s her livelihood but one bad review amongst hundreds won’t really impact her. It’s how she responds which says the most, and coming to your house is downright bonkers. It lends me to believe your complaints were justified if this is how she has reacted. Anyone normal, would just post a dignified response to the points highlighted & move on.

People are allowed to leave bad reviews, why should someone remove a bad review because someone behaves utterly batshit. If her mental health issues are so bad that she loses control like this, she shouldn't be around children. She has risked her business now behaving like this, if the police press charges that's her dbs gone and she won't be allowed to work with children again, by the sounds of it not such a bad thing to happen. Mental health nonsense shouldn't be trotted out to explain away bad behaviour.

Do not remove your review op.

Wow. The amount of posters on here, scrabbling to find any reason they can come up with, to declare OP as the one who’s in the wrong, is honestly hilarious! Peak MN.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the OP is not the villain! Shocking, I know.

I am not sure why you are getting such a hard time op. You are entitled to leave a review you consider honest, as everyone is. The service provider can respond with a professional response, saying thanks for your feedback and addressing any points she wants to make. This individual sounds unwell frankly, and defo not suited to a job where she might on occasion get negative feedback, if this is how she takes it. Can’t be good for her health. I’d think about if you wish to take it further or not. Part of me would want to because her behaviour was so unacceptable and you don’t want that happening to someone else (I would not want someone so unstable teaching my child, and I doubt many people would). The other part of me would just want to leave it.

Yes I would have expected someone to just address the points I made my in review. I wasn’t swearing, shouting and accusing. A professional company would either email me directly or respond publicly. I did not for one second think she would harass me and my family, or turn up at my house.

This is what happened with me but the tutor each time said my child was doing well and did not share scores with me. Many many tutors do this and this is lack of transparency in my view and sets incorrect expectations with the parents.

@RigsbysCat my dc are adults who also went to a comprehensive so I don't know why people use tutors.
Perhaps they have busy lives and don't want/don't feel confident helping their dc.

I did have a tutor for dd's maths gcse because her teacher was dismissive of my concerns and I knew dd would fail without extra help.
The maths tutor acknowledged that dd would never make a mathematician and just needed to pass her gcse. 😅

Your SiL has used her services is she still doing so and would she use this tutor again if she needed one?

Yes, you should be able to give negative reviews if you are unhappy with a service but, like others, I’m wondering how balanced your review was to illicit this sort of reaction. Some parents think that by paying for a tutor they own the tutor’s soul and are often unreasonable in their expectations and how they feel their child should be progressing. As you won’t give any clues to what issues arose that resulted in your negative review, it’s quite possible that her reaction is down to your unreasonableness rather than her.

Her reaction is OTT quite frankly. Sounds like your review was needed and probably needs updating to say what she since has done turning up at your house!

It’s only slander if it’s untrue.

Im guessing the negative review came because their child didnt do as well in the 11+ as they hoped.

But you’ve taken to Mumsnet asking for advice, while leaving out details of your contribution to the situation and context. How can we advise or give honest opinions unless the whole story is shared?

It’s therefore impossible to say whether your feedback was fair (conveniently for you), not that it excuses her behaviour and showing up to your house late at night. However a bad review can ruin people’s livelihoods and she sounds like she’s on the verge of a breakdown, I wouldn’t be suprised if she’s suffering financial hardship like a lot of people are in this economy, and the review was the straw that broke the camels back (particularly if she felt your feedback was not a true accurate reflection of the situation)

Accept her apology and move on, if she contacts you again call the police. But I’d let it rest now.

Turning up at your house late evening is absolutely bananas. Had she been drinking?

Completely unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour from her, and I'm not surprised you rang the police.

The exam isn’t until September so you guessed wrong 😉

Obviously she is totally unreasonable in her behaviour BUT without knowing what you said, it's also very hard to say if it is understandable or not.

Once again to all the people saying my son failed and I’m taking it out on the tutor @pragmatismuniversalsentimentalist the 11 plus exam hasn’t taken place yet. It’s in September/October. I have removed my son, as mentioned earlier I’m working with him and we’ve found him a one to one tutor. We will review in August if he is ready for the exam.

People should really read the thread before jumping to conclusions.

Her behaviour is obviously unacceptable and you were right to involve the police when she came to your house.

You do, however, remind me of relatives who complain at the care home that their mother was not being looked after, yet were happy to go home and leave poor mother in this seemingly dreadful place over a couple of years. Different situation of course, but still making use of a service and then damaging reputations when you no longer need it.

You obviously cannot share the details on here, but unless it was something like you discovered she was making inappropriate comments or behaviour towards your child, I think you should have dealt with it before rather than leaving what must have been a pretty damaging review for her to act like this.

Still no excuse for her subsequent behaviour though, and I hope that will be the last you hear from her.

So the list of things that MN hates has been expanded. I just can't work out the issue here. It's might be a child being tutored for the 11 plus or it might be for leaving a negative review who knows?

Step mums
Men
Answered the door
People who leave negative reviews /11+ tutoring

I'm with you OP.

Because OP has to take some responsibility. She left a shitty review, presumably without discussing her concerns with the tutor first. Then refused all contact afterwards.

This isn’t AIBU. She’s made the thread to ask people what they would do next.

Be honest though- does he actually have a chance?
And the ‘thing’ that happened. Was it that she told you he doesn’t?