Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

I'd leave it now. If it starts again, video it, document it for evidence and explore if you can get a "cease and desist" letter from a solicitor (obviously this will cost you).

Because it’s the grown up thing to do. Why didn’t you return one of those 15 missed calls?

This

Exactly, so you raised your concerns and because she shut you down you went to the next level of revenge

do you do this with absolutely everyone who doesn’t take on your points? Or you didn’t know what this would cause ?

is it this your 1st negative review ever ?
is there absolutely no hindsight to this ?

Slander has to be untrue

She’s absolutely mental and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near anyone’s children.

I’d probably threaten to leave an updated review with details of her insanity just to get her to fuck off and leave you alone. Or do it anyway.

OK, it would have been enormously helpful if you'd made this clear ages ago.

By saying 'I emailed and spoke to the head regarding my concerns and they were effectively dismissed', you made it sound like you had spoken to a different person.

What do you want to do about the data breach? You might wish to contact the ICO for advice. It would assist with any necessary future harassment complaint.

Well, she has proven now beyond all doubt that she is an unfit person to tutor children.

I would reply to the apology you accept it but saying that any further contact will be viewed as harassment.

"I imagine" is the only word worth taking any notice of in your response.

Seriously why bother making up stories in your head? Either answer the post based on the info the OP has given, or close mumsnet and start writing your novel if you need to exercise your imagination!

OP you are being a bit OTT with the 'breach of DBS' part - once you've told someone your address it's a bit silly to assume they will completely forget it for all other purposes! It would only be a breach if she told someone else. How she knows where you live is irrelevant, it's her behaviour which was completely insane.

From a selfish perspective I'd be glad that it seems that she will leave you alone from now on, and would maybe respond saying something like 'Your behaviour was completely inappropriate. I recorded the whole interaction and also logged it with the police. If you ever contact me again I will call the police and report you to all relevant professional services."

The whole point of reviews is to be able to leave a positive or negative. OP hasn't gotten her whole family to post lots of false negative reviews or took to slandering her on a local social media page ect

Leaving a negative review isn't revenge, it's the whole point of reviews... to say whether you had a positive or negative experience

I don't know why your mentioning hindsight.... was OP supposed to know the woman was going to bombard her with phone calls and then turn up at her house? Is this common practise?

I’m not a coward using reviews to face up to issues

Wow. You show a remarkable lack of awareness and knowledge for someone who claims to be a teacher.

The OP did not cause the tutor to lose her role or business. As others have said, the OP is entitled to leave a factually accurate review that is descriptive and not interpretive. The appropriate response would have been for the tutor to respond calmly and factually, either acknowledging the issues or presenting a counter explanation.

Sounds like you hit a nerve woth yoir review that was true and that behaviour terrifying your children is worthy of police action. Document it all and see if anyone has any doorbell footage.

The appropriate response would have been for the tutor to respond calmly and factually, either acknowledging the issues or presenting a counter explanation.

OP refused repeated attempts to contact her.

Whether or not OP’s son has a chance of passing the 11+ or not, is irrelevant. It’s my understanding that the majority of children who take the exam have been tutored. The rights and wrongs of that approach don’t matter in this situation.

What matters is that OP was made to feel uncomfortable in her own home, when confronted by someone she had employed, but no longer did. That, surely, is not acceptable.

Of course the tutor relies on positive interactions to generate business, especially if it’s a private business and not part of a tutoring organisation. Any business must surely want positive feedback and good reviews, but if you don’t have an experience that you find useful or helpful or fair, you will comment on it. If people and organisations want feedback and reviews acceptable to them, they must ensure that the service or product they provide is good. If it isn’t, it would be of little use to say that it is.

No matter how good a service you provide, all service providers get a negative review from time to time. Sometimes the review appears very unfair. A review is just an opinion.When I write or reply to a review I always run it through an AI with instructions to remove the emotion and leave cold facts.

In Scotland the private schools that are selective have entrance exams too. However I know at least 10 families who sent their kids from state primaries to one of the best private schools in Edinburgh and none of them were tutored in order to get in.

Clearly this ridiculous system of privilege and advantage within the state school system has been allowed to develop unchecked in England, quite possibly because it has also advantaged politicians' families.

So I’m a Primary School Teacher and I have been for 15 years.

I am well aware of the grammar standard, the pressure on kids and that going to a tutor does not guarantee results. I do not expect miracles. I know in my area there are limited spaces in the grammars and even if you pass you go on the waiting list.

I wrote my review based on my experience with this tutoring company, which is why google review and trustpilot exists. I did not expect the response that I have gotten.

I have kept the video footage of her on our ring doorbell, and copies of messages and voice notes etc. I have taken on board the comments here, about not escalating this further because I don’t want anything horrible to happen.

My main concern is, she works with kids. What if I’d used my PGCE and my responsibilities as a teacher to use personal information about a child, and go to their address to dispute a concern? I’m pretty sure there would be severe consequences.

Aside from the triggering and horrible comments on here (which again people
are entitled to make) I’m genuinely worried that this woman comes across as not well, and she’s working with children. If I don’t escalate is something else horrible going to happen? Is she to be trusted around children?

That’s what is playing on my mind.

She isn't ignoring it. I think everyone agrees the tutor's behaviour is OTT.

But in terms of whether the OP might consider taking the review down, I think it is relevant to know what sort of thing it said. If it is something that is likely to keep causing excessive distress to the tutor, then it may be worth op weighing up the benefits of brutal honesty and a quiet life.

If it was just something like "she missed a lesson at short notice" or "did not cover part of the syllabus well" then you might expect the tutor to get over it,

If it accuses the tutor of theft or similar, she probably isn't going to move past it lightly.

Ok I DK about Scotland. But I guess they should teach the curriculum of the 11 plus in all primaries at y5/6 to make things fairer. And then no need for tutors. But they probably don't want to as they like it being more elitist.

It's not a lack of awareness to understand (from personal experience in independent schools) that the vast majority of parents think if they pay big bucks that it guarantees top grades. They absolutely do expect that. It is absolutely unrealistic.

One bad review, in a face-to-face tutoring role (as opposed to online, which can be more widespread) can definitely ruin someone's ability to work. A bad reputation ('Oh she's no good. Couldn't get my 98th percentile child to a passing grade, even after a year's tutoring.') can be make or break when it comes to recruitment.

a lack of transparency, poor communication and not being clear about his learning journey and timeline

Has no factual accuracy to it at all. What does she mean by 'lack of transparency'? Does she mean his grade? Does she mean whether he will ever get there? Does she mean giving her opinion as to whether he will ever have any chance of passing the 11+?

And what does she mean by 'learning journey'? I'm a teacher of very many years and what I assume from this very vague and waffly statement is that the child isn't where the parent wants them to be yet, progress wise. BUT it could also mean a lot of other things, because it's the very opposite of factual or accurate.

Be clear.

Plus, the tutor has many other good reviews. Which suggests this situation is a one-off. Putting the onus on the OP.

Ah we cross posted OP.

I had wondered if it was something like this. If so, I think you are right to escalate it, but is the review the right way to do so?

That’s how it was when I passed the 11+ in 1964. We were literally taught to pass it at school. That way it’s a level playing field.

Yes she's seems great. Ringing the OP 15 times in succession and turning up at the house, banging on doors and windows. Ideal tutor behaviour. One bad review does not ruin anyone.