Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

That’s very rude and ungrateful of your friend. Not a friend particularly worth keeping! It was a lovely thing to do and you have not made a fool of yourself. Your friend is the foolish one.

I would’ve loved the sentimentality. Your friend is nuts x

She's an idiot of the highest order.
I love the idea of how many hands that book has had layed upon it.
The book has been kicking around for nearly 70yrs...and idiot binned it because it looked dirty..give me strength .

Ralph’s Party by Lisa Jewel. Detested it and the bin was too good for it.

Your friend is bonkers. My dd has provided children’s books from charity shops as going home presents at her DCs’ birthday parties - all spread out for them to choose one. The parents were pleased that it wasn’t yet more tat!

This!

You have done nothing wrong, it was a lovely thing to do. . some people are just weird!! Don’t let it upset you but I appreciate it’s not easy.

Ditch the bitch 😝

Aw OP I think that was a lovely thought, it would be treasured if you’d given it to my child. I love items with a story to them

I've not read every page OP but it seems that everyone thinks you did a lovely thing and your "friend" was rude.

I bought a friend some books for her son recently and got them used from World of Books instead of Amazon.

She is very rude and ungrateful , i would have been really touched to receive a gift with so much thought behind it , i love old books and have bought quite a few for my family who appreciate an old book too.
Whatever her reason for not wanting the book she is still bad mannered , she could have accepted it graciously and done whatever she wanted without telling you .
Apart from being rude she clearly has no taste too ! who doesn't love a vintage book.

I disagree that your friend is necessarily "insane", "thick", "bonkers", "shallow", "an idiot", a "bitch" etc. for not wanting to keep a book from a charity shop in her house. Secondhand books from a reliable, trusted source or with a clear chain of provenance are fine but in a case where you have no idea where they have been there ARE risks of pests (if they've been left outdoors at any point or stored in a basement or garage) and of mold or allergens. No matter how much it makes people here huff and puff, risks DO exist and it has to be her choice whether to take them on for herself, her child, and her household. If you'd already disinfected the book I'd tell her that up front, but she may not know how to do it herself. She should have offered you the book back, though, rather than throwing it away.

I take our grandchildren into our local large Lion (charity) book shop and we always come out with a bag full of books, go straight to a cafe and have cake and a drink while they read. We all love our Saturday treat!

I was once bought a first edition as a birthday present which unsurprisingly was second-hand. It was one of the loveliest things anyone has ever bought me.

She didnt need to say that. She could quietly have got rid of the book further down the line. Her child must touch dirty things every day. A seconhand book isnt going to put him or her in a coma. Do you reaally want someone aa insensitive as that as a friend. I'd drop her.

"Chain of provenance"? Get over yourself. How pretentious. She's reading the book, not licking it.

It is the message telling her off for her thoughtful gift that made her those things about this incident though isn't it. I got an extremely cheap room fragrance stick thing for my birthday which is guaranteed to give me a headache and make my house smell of cheap air freshener. What did I say to the giver? 'Thank you very much'. Because I'm not a dick about it.

Some people feel slighted if they receive a secondhand gift, as if it somehow denotes that they themselves are 'lesser'. I thought it sounded an incredible gift.

You didn't do anything wrong but PFB (precious first born) syndrome makes even sensible people do and say some odd things.
I have never really been a fan of secondhand stuff. As a student I often ended up with secondhand books though.

I have just remembered when I was 8 years old, I bought a plastic toy for my neighbour's toddler child from a jumble sale and she very kindly checked that I wouldn't mind if she gave it to her dog instead. It could have been a choke hazard I suppose. I used to go in everyday and play with her dog so I didn't mind.
It's possible that a 1957 book could have some value but either way she was over forceful in her message and a bit rude. Why didn't she just thank you for the new books and tactfully mention that she doesn't want to give old books to her child for whatever reason.

My daughter went to great trouble to find old books about a place I
had memories of in my childhood. I was so touched she had done this for me and I treasure them

What a cow!

You’re better off without friends like this. I would be extremely insulted and upset if I was in your shoes. Give her a very wide berth. Which is sad, because you must have a good relationship with her son.

She could have secretly thrown the book away without telling you, and thanked you for the gifts. But she didn’t, she’s chosen to be deliberately rude, nasty and ungrateful to you.

You have no idea how a new book has been stored either so this isn’t unique to second hand things.

I would simply reply "Did you mean to be so rude?". Because she was.

Your friend was very rude. However, personally I would be careful who I gave a gift like this to. I know that some of my friends and family would love it. Others might think it was a bit odd. I don't think they would act like your friend though!

I only read my kindle now but quite often see books in my local charity shop, especially children's books, that are so beautiful that I buy them because they should be cherished and saved. Your friend is a philistine.