Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

Your friend sounds like a total Philistine.

Wow. 😮 That sounds like an amazing gift. I’d ask for it back.

I would of happily had it back and kept it too.
I feel a bit awkward speaking to her at the minute @luluxxx

As things are already awkward you might as well tell her

"I'll have it back please, vintage books are beautiful even with their signs of age and love"

Or that you'll pass it on to xyz who you know appreciates vintage books.

Well actually you can get diseases from old books! But they tend to be in a lot worse condition that the one OP described

Ungrateful of her and unnecessary.

My Dad bought 50 shades second hand without knowing the topic 🤣🤣🤣 He asked me about it. I told him not to touch it 🤣🤣🤣

Your friend is incredibly rude.

I love gifts where the giver has obviously put a lot of thought into it and that gift would have made me so happy.

But she also got new books as well? All gifts have an element of the giver in them. I hate chess but my husband loves it. I get him chess related presents because I like the feeling of making him happy. So its never 100% selfless

I don't think I'd have given it as a gift without explaining the reasoning, but I'm a little bit heartbroken that she threw it away.

Very rude woman.

I have trotted this out on MN numerous times: mil mentioned a book she’d loved as a child. I tracked it down - right edition and all - and duly presented it at Christmas, ready to bask in mil’s pleasure and appreciation of my thoughtfulness (yes, well one can hope…).

She looked at it in silence and then hissed to fil in a stage whisper, “Why has MaturingCheeseball given me a charity shop book?” No good deed goes unpunished ☹️

I would be very offended and say so.

'Every offence taken, that was a gift chosen with care, of something that formed a bit of history, and you have discarded it without a seconds thought because it might be 'dirty'. You vapid, cultureless pig. Fuck off and never bother me again.'

I do feel quite murderous today on not enough sleep and builders being loud and messy... so probably don't take my example as a good idea!

That’s really sad, I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that.

I think the dreadful rudeness here isn't in the throwing away of the book (although as a book lover I too am 😨and 😭 about that), it's in feeling the need to tell OP that's what she'd done. We've all received gifts from time to time that are unsuitable, cheap, badly thought through, not what you really want or downright weird but the only, only polite thing is to say thank you and then quietly dispose of them afterwards. If she really thought the book was dirty or just not in keeping with her aesthetic she could have taken it back to the charity shop or if need be bin it (not condoning this fellow book lovers!) without needing to say anything at all to OP.

By texting in that way it really does seem as though she's taken OP's well meant gift as personally offensive, what does that say about her relationship with OP? Even if one of my good friends or close relations had given me something genuinely broken or unusable that had to go in the bin my first thought would never be to complain to them, I'd assume there'd be some unfortunate mishap and never mention it again, the last thing I'd want would be to embarrass them or come across as entitled, would be mortifying all round.

Certainly I'd be reconsidering the terms of the friendship OP!

I would've thought the same as your friend. I wouldn't have said so though. You didn't do anything wrong OP.

Exactly. And if you have any class about you you accept and thank for a gift, even if it isn't to your taste. Not become crass toward the person kind enough to buy you it, and tell them you've thrown it in the bin!

Some of my childhood books were over 50 years old! I loved them.

No you didn't.

I have books that my Granny bought me from "jumble sales" when I was little. I also have old books that my Aunty (who was a children's librarian and my absolute hero) gave me when the library were getting rid of them.

The best ones are the ones with inscriptions. " Merry Christmas Margaret from your Aunty Anne" kind of thing with the date added.

My children loved those old books. They are all well loved books. I read nursery rhymes, tongue twisters, counting rhymes, alphabet rhymes and things like "I am a gold lock" things to my children from the same book my dad read them to me from and that book (I still have it) was published in 1898 - you should see the state of it now but I can't get rid of it.

My (adult) sons have taken books which meant a lot to them to their own homes and they are 30 and 34. Every time they come they remember another one they want.

You should be proud of yourself and your friend, imo, doesn't value reading.

Sounds like a really thoughtful and unusual gift, a book with history and I think most children would really like it. I often give books to children as gifts as it is something they can return to on many occasions. Your friend's ingratitude reminded me of the time I gave a book (new, not that it really matters) to her 7 year old for her birthday. The response from the child was "why did you get me a book? I wanted a toy" and her mum backed her up saying "yes, you should have got a toy, she prefers toys to books".. This was not something that had ever come up in conversation and I was quite surprised that my friend didn't tell her daughter that it was not polite to speak like that.

You did absolutely nothing wrong ..you did something lovely 🫶📚❤️

Yet another parent who gets everything from Amazon and whose kids will never know a library. What is wrong with people?
You sound lovely OP and my book obsessed child would have loved this x

😆Bilious!
I always thought Billy was short for William, but now I know better.

Your friend is an ignorant cow, frankly.

You did nothing wrong

She is doing nothing wrong in not wanting second-hand books or gifts but she is beyond rude to tell you and do anything else than thanking you for the gift.

What a lovely thoughtful person you are. I would love you as a friend. I think I would be questioning the friendship. She sounds not a very nice person. Even if she didn’t use the book she should have thank you very much.
please don’t think anymore into it. Everyone on here would have loved a book from a charity shop

Ask for it back first, then tell her it was a rare edition and worth several hundred pounds...

Those books go for quite a bit online. I bought something similar a while back, a book I'd loved as a child.
Your friend is rude. Some people are funny about secondhand stuff, but she shouldn't have said anything.
It's a shame. Libraries are a fantastic resource. Free books! Mind you, there was an MNer a few years back who admitted to putting library books in the oven for a minute, to kill any germs! I really hope she didn't ever forget about them.