Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

Has she a germ phobia or ocd possibly, as her issue seems to be mainly around the fact she perceived it as dirty and was concerned about where it had been,

clearly that’s not a normal reaction, but it was hers, which would make me think this is not about the charity shop angle it is about potential germs,

Please do this op!😆

Op its not something I'd have given to a child. Someone who adores vintage books maybe.

But I generally wouldn't give someone a something from a charity shop as a birthday or Christmas gift.

This

I bought my kids a Pinocchio book from a charity shop too
Its a classic
You did nothing wrong and I’d be asking her for it back not least because they are worth between £15 and £30 !

She’s ungrateful OP

Oh how sad that lovely gift got thrown away. That makes me very sad

Maybe reply and apologise and say you had no idea she had those kind of issues and, kindly, it might be worth getting some support so that they don’t interfere with her son’s ability to access libraries and school text books.

I’m going to go against the grain I’m afraid op.

We are a book reading household with giant bookcases filling one room of our house but we’ve thrown old books like that away. I can understand it.

Sometimes they smell musty and children don’t want to read old fashioned stuff from the 1950s. Even the beloved ladybird fairy tales from my childhood that I would read to my own children sounded a bit archaic to them.

I can understand why posters are raging on your behalf but this is about the art of gift gifting. You should always focus on the recipient, not on your own response to something. You should’ve just bought it and kept it yourself instead of giving it to someone to whom it was meaningless and random.

@Newname26 · Today 13:18

Op its not something I'd have given to a child. Someone who adores vintage books maybe.

DUDE, it's a BOOK, not a Victorian corset!

That's an extremely rude thing to do. Even if she didn't like the gift, she should have thanked you for being so thoughtful and never mentioned that she didn't like it. How awful. I'm sorry that happened to you, you did a very kind and generous thing, nothing to feel guilty about.

Presumably your friend would like libraries to be banned too. Imagine the number of people that handle those books!

You did a lovely thing, she’s an uneducated fool.

What they said! ^ 👆

What they said! ^ 👆

You are not wrong she was very rude. What about when her child goes to a Library or gets books from school? Does she think that he’s going to get brand new book each time.

If she didn’t like it she should’ve got rid of it and not told you about it, it’s very rude to have said anything to you, it was a present.

Your friend was incredibly rude to say the gift was unwanted and had been thrown away, but I do think it’s unusual to give an obviously second hand book as a gift. If there was something personal about it, like the little boy loving Pinocchio or you know the parents love old books then it makes sense, but otherwise it might seem a bit thoughtless. You were moved by the dedication to a previous owner, but your friend might have thought that you didn’t even bother opening the book to check. I say this as someone who is in my local charity shop several times per week perusing books for my child, so I’m not opposed to charity shop books, but I probably wouldn’t gift one.

As has been said, has she never used a library?!

“You’ve THROWN AWAY books?

Then you clearly don’t value books. So many children grow up in book free houses. There’s no excuse for throwing away books as someone, somewhere will appreciate them.

But it was a gift!! That's such a rude thing to do! Of course most people recycle old books they don't want anymore via charity shops (personally I don't throw them away unless very damaged) but the point isn't the book, the point is how rude it is to tell a friend that you have chucked away a birthday gift because you didn't like it!!

She’s a bit dim isn’t she. The sort who would throw out a first edition because it wasn’t brand new.

There’s a massive class difference in views on second hand gifts and you’re taking a big risk in deciding for someone else that second hand gifts are ok.

That's such a shame as we have an old edition of Pinnoccio from the 50s and it's absolutely gorgeous, I imagine it's the same one you picked up. Well worth keeping!

I know right. I don't know anyone who has ever thrown a book away. Given away yes, but not binned. Odd behaviour. The OP's friend is a philistine!

Rude in my opinion.

Would she not let her child borrow a book from a library because it's been God knows were? Or a school book? Strange attitude

I binned a book once because I really hated it and thought it deserved the bin. Every other book goes to charity.

But why can a child not also develop a love of vintage books? How many adult book-lovers do you know who never developed their eagerness for reading as children?

Is it better to just keep children strictly within a very narrow window of 'approved' current stuff, with no exposure to the many treasures from previous generations?

She’s rude and ungrateful, wether she agreed with the charity shop buying or not, she is rude af and I wouldn’t be gifting her anything else. 80% of the books in my house have come from charity shops ❤️