Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

Your friend is a rude ingrate. If she has some attitude toward charity shop gifts she could have just quietly disposed of the book without fucking telling you about it.

I binned a Large Family book given to my son because I thought the body shaming and disordered eating shown were dreadful and the book was better off in the bin. I didn’t tell the gifter though. I also threw out a book my baby threw up over.

We never had anything new growing up, having second hand is all I ever knew, I love books and reading so I'd be delighted by something like this for my child.

But I also know of people who hate second hand, and a 'dirty' second hand book, which may or may not smell quite musty or be dogeared yellowed etc, would be almost an insult.

I'd never give that gift to a child unless I 100% knew the parents would appreciate it.

I’m a bit funny with secondhand stuff but I would never have been so ungrateful and said what your friend said to you. I would have appreciated the thought, said thank you and probably quietly given it away. Your friend was very rude.

She sounds like a right twat.

Hasn’t she been to a library before? I mean nobody ever got a disease from an old book.

I would thumbs up and block the cow.

That’s a lovely, thoughtful gesture and your friend sounds like a horror. I feel sad at the thought of that book in the bin. Some people!

I love old books and especially when you find old inscriptions inside. So I would have loved this book. However, I wouldn't have given it as a present to anyone unless I knew they shared my interest in vintage books. I certainly wouldn't have given it to a kid as a birthday present. Little children don't really understand the concept of nostalgia, or vintage. Your friend was a drama queen though.

Your friend is astonishingly ill-mannered. Fancy telling someone who has given your child a gift that you thought it was rubbish and have thrown it away!

Your friend is an ungrateful, mean cow.

I love the sound of that book! What an exciting and historical find! And she threw it? What an ungrateful witch. I hope she doesn't pass on her horrible ideas to her son. Though I'm thinking it might be too late for that. Is she of the crushed grey velvet brigade?

NB I am quite badly asthmatic, and anything old doesn't affect me, but I accept others may have different experiences.

YABU. Why would he want a second hand book with a note to someone else in it?!

Did you reply to her OP? If you haven't yet you should tell her you would have liked to have had it back. What a cow.

Grabbing any old cheap rubbish from a charity shop as a gift - because you need a present, don't want to spend much and think "that'll do" - is disgraceful.

However, finding something in a charity shop that you believe will be loved by the intended recipient, about whom you've clearly given plenty of thought - especially if it's almost certainly going to be something unusual that they won't have seen or been exposed to before, and so will open up their world of wonder - is a delightful thing to do.

I understand that some people have particular aversions to previously-enjoyed goods. My DGM, for her whole life, hated with a passion anything that was second-hand. This was rooted in her childhood trauma of being made to wear outgrown 'hand-me-down' clothes and shoes from her golden-child older sister. This sounds fair enough, except my DGM was tall and big-framed, whereas her older sister was consistently actually shorter and much more lightly-built than her, and she actually needed bigger sizes (regardless of age), not ones that were now too small even for her smaller (albeit older) sister.

That said, though, it's ridiculous to equate second-hand/charity shop with 'dirty'. The shop wouldn't even put items out for sale in the first place if they were dirty or broken. What a sad, narrow-minded attitude this woman has; not even to just reject a lovely previously-enjoyed item, but to actually throw it in the bin. At the very least, she could have said that she didn't want it for her child and asked OP to take it back to the shop (or keep it herself).

Anyone who loves books would love that, which means that I’m sure the son would have loved it. His mum obviously isn’t a book lover. —and a bit of a thick twat— You did nothing wrong.

Strikeout fail- you get the gist!

Your friend is 100% in the wrong. What a rude person. The gift was lovely. Don’t let them dim your kindness. If I were you I would tell her how it has made you feel. She needs to know and it creates an assertive boundary.

You sound lovely and thoughtful OP

Your “friend” on the other hand sounds ungrateful and bad-mannered!

I love second hand books! But I wouldn’t give a child one as part of a birthday present. I’d keep it back and give it another time, explaining that you love it because it’s old, etc.

It was a children's book for a child who loves books. A book that included an old Happy Birthday message for a child whose birthday it was. How on earth have you concluded it was a random gift?

And children absolutely do love reading books from the 50s. Enid Blyton is still a massive seller

Perfect!

No you did nothing wrong. Books aren’t an item that should be thrown away because it’s second hand. I’d reply that I’d prefer she had offered me the book back as now it’s in landfill for no good reason. I’d also tell her that a gift is a gift… complaining about one is terrible manners and shows she is ungrateful.

How is it lovely to gift a cheap old book?!

Maybe it's just me, but I love history. I find it absolutely fascinating to buy or be given special books or other things that were once treasured by somebody long-gone or now very elderly, with the names of the previous owners in them - and for them to now be treasured by me in my own time... and then who knows who else in the future when I am long-gone.

One of my most treasured possessions is a beautiful needlework sampler that was made by a very talented young girl in 1859. As was the custom, she proudly sewed her name and the year into the bottom corner. She is no longer here to enjoy her creation, but her name and skill lives on to the present day and who knows how far into the future?

I presume people like OP's friend never go to museums or significant historical sites, as these are just filled with 'dirty old second-hand artefacts' as well.

Your mistake was probably including it with a bundle of new books. If you had simply given the one book she might have recognised "vintage treasure" rather than "secondhand charity shop find". Regardless, her response was rude.

To the PP who suggested modern children can't appreciate "old-fashioned stuff from the 1950s", absolute rubbish. Pinocchio was published in 1883 so was already old when Disney made the film in 1940 and when the OP's book was published. My DGC is a keen reader and reads plenty of classics, as well as more recently published books. She probably wouldn't fully understand the attraction of the inscription in this book, but she loves reading books her mother or I had as children.

Ungrateful cow.

Ask for it back and if she returns it great. If she has binned it then mess with her a bit. Tell her it was worth £100 as it was an original.

Step away from the friendship.